OK the therapist says that his story on his ONS don’t make sense. What she says is he’s filled in things and in his mind he believes them to be true since the one night stand took place 39 years ago now and he told me May 2019.
So she says for my brain to be able to have full acceptance to stop my triggers and my dreams he has to come to terms and we have to try to find The truth so that my brain will be in an acceptance.
He agrees that the story he told makes absolutely no sense and he don’t know how to read the truth from his memories because he says why would I say something if it’s not the truth. So he’s battling that question.
Has any other wayword spouse Dealt with anything like this?
So The story goes like this his.
We were separated we got back together from his first infidelity at the fifth year of our marriage a lot about what took place on first infidelity it wasn’t to the point of sex but he didn’t tell me for 40 years the truth About what he was doing with his hands under the covers and keep saying he wasn’t doing anything wrong.
That infidelity caused us to break up at the second year after the first infidelity of our marriage during that time is when a social friend of mine told him a lie about something I said. She invited him and his frind back to her condo with her and her female friend supposedly bar had called last call. His Friend fell asleep in the car waiting on her female friend to show up. She showed up briefly said he was asleep in the car and she was going home. he said she left he got up to leave and that’s when she kissed him and lead him to the bedroom she took her dress off and then she kissed him again. He got on and prematured ejaculated he tried to continue and she asked him angrily if he wanted to stop because there was nothing to work with.
He said he rolled off he told her( he wasn’t ready for this). While he was putting on his pants . Said all he could feel was guilt and shame during the whole sexual act and even worse now. Said all I could think about was this was wrong he didn’t love her he had no feelings for and he just thought about me and what he had done.
He said that he remembers her telling him
“ that she said he didn’t have to tell me she said it, but I was wrong about him”.
That he thought she was trying to make him feel better. That don’t make no sense according to therapist.
Said he asked Where the bathroom was to clean up. He said he just wanted to get outta of there.
He said he went out side And friend was gone. So He went to The door ring the bell she came to the door he told her his friend is gone wanted to know if he could use the phone. She said she would give him a ride she close the door left him standing outside. She went and got dressed came out told him that she had to hurry up because she had to get her daughters to church. she had told him she had two daughters 16 and eight and he said at that point he started thinking about holy crap I hope those children were not in the house he said he felt like shit. He said the ride back to where his motorcycle was at his friends house was a long ride they did not talk he told her where to take him he had her take him to two streets from his friends house and let him out and he act like he was walking up to the house as she drove off then he went and got on his motorcycle from there and he said he went to Sambo’s restaurant looking for me in road by my house before heading home. He got home got in the shower he said he couldn’t wash off what he had done said he felt disgusting and filthy.
Fast forward! When he said he had an affair I told him I couldn’t handle the fact of him ejaculating in another woman I didn’t know if I could handle it. Then the story began at first he lost his hard while he was doing the trickle truth for nine months then told me a about premature ejaculation. That I can beleive Because if he hasn’t had sex in a while it happens.
So he Trying to hide the fact that he ejaculated because he was afraid that I would leave him. So two weeks later he said she come up to him and ask him if he was OK with everything and that she don’t want no strings attached. Therapist says that don’t make no sense. Then he said when he was outside leaving the bar that same night she come back up to him and asked if he wanted to come back. Therapist says that don’t make no sense either.
Therapist said women do not come back affair a one night stand with there’s no physical attraction to her and a man has had premature ejaculation and could get it up a second time and after they have told you they’re not ready for this. Especially if it wouldn’t come up again after the first premature ejaculation. She said they definitely are not going to worry about your state of mind to weeks later and ask you to come back and try again.
Bs to Ws what’s your thoughts have you Dealt with this and how do you figure out what’s the truth? Did he make up things as he went? He having a hard time understanding why he think there real and why would he create all these lies. He says he remembers the act like it was yesterday he remembers her asking him if he wanted to stop because he knew she had not reached orgasm because it was just a few strokes. He said he remembers that she was not tight he said the saying little women big hole big women little hole fit the bill. Why would he remember things like that? How do I help him too? We need to get passed this. He did have a third infidelity at the 7th year but came clean. Married 45 year’s!
[This message edited by Nolife at 4:34 PM, March 9th (Monday)]