I am sorry you are feeling that way. I hope it gets better soon. I notice that a lot of times it seems like you all misunderstand each other a lot but then both rally to come to a new understanding. That's just from watching both of your posts. I am always impressed with how far you get once that happens. I will pray for you both.
Okay, to answer your question...
Some background....we have never celebrated valentines day. It was always our mantra that you should celebrate each other 365 days a year. And, for a good number of years (probably 20 or so) that worked. Then, we forgot to do that, and we became disconnected, and we both went through a lot of stuff without really talking about it with the other. So, in other words, to me this year that mantra didn't ring true for me as much as it did in other years.
I still don't feel like making it a generic love fest of all the stuff people are trying to sell. But, I feel like it's a good reminder to reconnect and to appreciate and to celebrate and I am kind of thinking of it as lighting the flame near the beginning of each year to remind us to do it the year through. It's very close to my birthday and our anniversary as well, so these are really good romantic times to start a year off the right way with thinking of each other and appreciating.
We have been getting in a better and better place, and recently he gave me a new wedding ring. But, that doesn't mean he doesn't have hard days or that everything is roses and rainbows and all is forgiven. So, I said "Do you want to do something for VDAY?" He really didn't seem to want to. He seemed like to me he was thinking "Oh, so now we are doing all this renewal stuff and she's going to pull this on me too". He didn't say it that way, but that was what I got out of it. I wasn't disappointed, there was no tradition behind it for me. Affair season is not during this time of year so we don't have that as triggers, and so I decided to leave it be as far as expecting him to do anything towards it. I am perfectly fine with that. He has done plenty enough any way.
However, in keeping with some of my thoughts surrounding "fires burning", I have planned a very sexy night for him. We do not have kids at home any more and so it's very easy to slip that into a random Thursday. I am not making it Valentine themed or anything like that. I bought a flirty card and have written in it something like:
"I know we are not celebrating Valentines day, and you don't need to do a thing. But I feel like this is a good reminder to keep the fire going for the year through so I am going to..." and then I said a bunch of stuff that I am not going to repeat on here.
So, we will enjoy each other, we will not be messing with busy restaurants or that other stuff. I know this is something he 100% will like and I don't really have to question triggers and does this sound right or what will he think about this.
While I did get him a serious card and wrote nice things in it, I felt by keeping it a little more flirty it doesn't have to be a big ole trigger day for him (at least I hope I have this right).
Incidentally, he did give me a card this morning. I told him he didn't need to, but we were on the same wavelength because his was naughty too. So, fingers crossed I have made the right decisions.
[This message edited by hikingout at 12:27 PM, February 14th (Thursday)]