Newest Member: Hurt2016

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Menz Thread-Part 33

Topic is Sleeping.
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HoldingTogether ( Member #29429) posted at 4:58 PM on Friday, August 9th, 2019

Ok gents, quick survey:

I just recently got back into video games after a long hiatus. Used to play an online MMORPG but that got thoroughly fucked up by FWW’s A. Long story. I got a PS4 last Christmas and I’ve been playing a few games. So far I’ve really, really enjoyed Skyrim and Fallout 4. Just finished Fallout 4 and I’m anxious to find a new game.

So the rules are: PS4 games, I don’t have an Xbox. I don’t want to play anything that requires online play with others (again long story, A related, you can probably do the math) and I really enjoy big worlds to explore. Not a huge fan of games that are just primarily shooting, although I acknowledge that fallout is essentially a shooter I felt it had a nice mix.

I know that a lot of you gentlemen play games... So what’s next? What should I get next?

[This message edited by HoldingTogether at 12:18 PM, August 9th (Friday)]

Us-Reconciled.
You keep waiting for the dust to settle, and then you realize... This is it, that dust is your life going on.

posts: 999   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010   ·   location: New Life
id 8417790
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Tred ( Member #34086) posted at 7:58 AM on Monday, August 12th, 2019

I know that a lot of you gentlemen play games... So what’s next? What should I get next?

I used to play EQ2 but alas, it died the same death mate. Haven't played a console game in a long, long time, but the Bethesda Softworks games were always well done. I was beta tester for them in the early 90's before they released Arena. Just lucky to be a Computer Science undergrad living in Northern Virginia with a nerd roommate.

And Aloha Menz! Sitting in a cottage on the west end of Molokai enjoying a vacation. Fishing, drinking, and pretty much enjoying life. Sand and I have some old friends from when we lived in Australia 17 years ago and we decided, fuck it, let's meet halfway. Molokai is one of those overlooked Hawaii islands - used to be a leper colony. Not much tourism stuff to do, which suits us fine. Beautiful sunsets, caught a 70 pound Ono (Hawaiian name for what I've always known as a Wahoo), and we've been eating fresh fish for the last 4 days. I'm living vicariously through myself. Life is good. Hope all of you are doing well.

Married: 24 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

posts: 5786   ·   registered: Dec. 2nd, 2011
id 8418817
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DoinBettr ( Member #71209) posted at 11:11 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2019

Resident evil series?

The other one I would put in:

Red dead series. Those are both amazing game series with lots of story.

The Dragon Age games are good too if you liked Skyrim and open worlds. At like lvl 4 I think you can walk to the shore and see a dragon fighting a storm giant. If you wait until they almost kill each other, you can finish them. These are top tier mobs. It is crazy.

Witcher and LOTR: Shadow Over Mordor series. Just watch some of the CGI fights. They are badazz for those games. No real shooting.

posts: 591   ·   registered: Aug. 7th, 2019   ·   location: Midwest
id 8419215
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tbkjcn ( Member #44744) posted at 12:21 AM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2019

Sitting in a cottage on the west end of Molokai enjoying a vacation. Fishing, drinking, and pretty much enjoying life.

And I'm sitting in my office, having meetings, conference calls and putting out fires (like they put the wrong microwave radios on the wrong towers)..... For some strange reason I feel as if you're having more fun than me...... nah.....

I'm living vicariously through myself.

Sigh.... have a beer for me....

[This message edited by tbkjcn at 6:21 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)]

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8419885
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Walloped ( Member #48852) posted at 1:58 PM on Friday, August 16th, 2019

HT,

I’ll second the Witcher 3. Huge open world, fantastic quests and storyline.

Also, Horizon Zero Dawn. A PS4 exclusive RPG. Not as huge as Skyrim or Fallout 4, but excellent and great story.

Two of the best PS4 games ever are The Last of Us Remastered and God of War. Both insanely good, but not RPGs. Still, check them out.

I personally loved Red Dead Redemption 2, but some found it a little slow. Note the first game is not available on PS4, but you don’t need to play the first to play the second.

Also, the Assassin’s Creed series has taken a new direction with the last two installments. It’s a refreshing take with a lot of RPG elements to it. Check out AC: Origins (ancient Egypt) and AC: Odyssey (Greece), which is a further improvement over a very good AC: Origins game.

None of the above games require online/multiplayer. I’m a single player person myself.

Me: BH 47
Her: WW 46
DDay 8/3/15
"Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant.” - The Doctor

posts: 1815   ·   registered: Aug. 6th, 2015   ·   location: New York
id 8421433
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Unhinged ( Member #47977) posted at 3:34 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

I got a PS4 last Christmas

You gotta huh? Wha'da'fuch? From WOES? Gotta know.

Have no clue what games to get, but if I had a PS4 I'd be playin' some Grand Theft mutha-fuckin' Auto, bro!

(but it's on-line. I get it. No on-line shit).

ETA: There's a post above this one from some dude named "Walloped?" Wha?

Good to 'see' you, sir.

[This message edited by Unhinged at 9:35 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

Heading towards divorce
D-Day April, 2015

"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button."
-Brene Brown

posts: 6361   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Colorado
id 8424327
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Walloped ( Member #48852) posted at 12:05 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Ha!

I’ve been relegated to lurker status, while some of our betters have apparently risen in the ranks. Glory hound.

Wonderful to see you too.

Me: BH 47
Her: WW 46
DDay 8/3/15
"Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant.” - The Doctor

posts: 1815   ·   registered: Aug. 6th, 2015   ·   location: New York
id 8424425
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Mr. Kite ( Member #28840) posted at 8:40 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Hello gents. It's been around 6 years since I last posted here. Too much triggering at the time.

It'll be 25 years in August since her first confession of an LTA. 5 months later came a confession about another man, "We didn't have sex but we fell in love." Right...

All this went on while we had a 2-year old son we were raising. What kind of mother/wife does that?

Never got over any of it despite much counseling. No one was assaulted except me emotionally. Don't have hate in my heart but I'm an old guy now who long ago gave up on fixing her. Not my job.

For the last six years she's worked and lived out of town and comes home on the weekend. I swear this woman must have read and memorized the 180. She throws words around like man-hole covers and mostly sits staring at her Kindle and cell phone, which she turns off when I walk into the room.

Had I known of a site like this, along with all the great information, back when married life began to unravel, I would have headed for D the next day. But alas...

I've learned how to not only be alone but to like it and to thrive. Recently bought an EVH Wolfgang Standard electric guitar (Mango Burst) and am currently recording a song I wrote where a man falls in love with a woman who turns out to be a werewolf and devours him.

All courage and strength to every man who has had to go through this experience. I'll end with this lyric from Jethro Tull's 'Look Into The Sun."

"I had waited for time to change her. The only change that came was over me."

"Looks like I've been fooled again.
Looks like I'm the fool again.
I don't like it, I don't like it." Tom Petty - Fooled Again

posts: 1112   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8424730
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Niceguy25 ( Member #70801) posted at 8:51 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Mr. Kite, Niceguy25 here. We should become buddies as our very stretch out over 25-30 years with Wayward spouses who simply cannot find the truth with a bull dozer. Glad you are here. We have a lot in common and it ain’t over yet.

Her: WS, 35 at the time of the A
Me: BS, 40 at the time if the A, 2 kids 7&9.
Him: OM, 50, colonel in the AF, married, two grown kids, and a compulsive cheat
Now, WS 65, Me 70, Him 79
WS attempted to contact him and I found the card after 25 ye

posts: 275   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2019   ·   location: Midwest
id 8424742
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Mr. Kite ( Member #28840) posted at 10:15 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Absolutely, Niceguy25. There's great power in shared suffering. Knowing we're not the only ones creates some sort of consolation, at least for me.

My wife is cold as the driven snow, at least when she's around me. She has a wall around her.

Every 3 or 4 months she tries to act compassionate and loving towards me. This may last for a few hours and even a few days but then it's back to business as usual because she can't sustain it.

One of the things I've noticed about her is that in our 37+ years together, 34 years of marriage, she's never once apologized for anything. Not once, ever. Nothing is ever her fault. It's like dealing with a 66 year-old child.

It was exhausting because I thought it was my job to reason with her, to fix her. That was not only arrogant of me but also stupid and a colossal waste of time and energy. So I gave up trying.

She cannot receive love or tenderness from me so she seeks it elsewhere. God speed, honey.

"Looks like I've been fooled again.
Looks like I'm the fool again.
I don't like it, I don't like it." Tom Petty - Fooled Again

posts: 1112   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8424794
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WornDown ( Member #37977) posted at 2:34 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

Mr Kite -

You clearly aren't happy with the arrangements, so why continue with them?

Why continue to be unhappy?

Me: BH (49)exW (49): Way too many guys to countThree kids (D22, D21, S18)Together 25 years, married 18Divorced (July 2015)

I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch

posts: 3351   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2013   ·   location: Around the Block a few times
id 8425148
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Mr. Kite ( Member #28840) posted at 3:14 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

A fair question, WornDown.

I initially stayed because I didn't want my son, our only child, to be raised by a crazy mother with a long line of "uncles" who might possibly abuse him. The whole idea of seeing him every other weekend while giving her half of everything each month didn't appeal to me.

Once he grew up and moved out I had carved out a somewhat comfortable life for myself. I have a nice recording setup in my house where I'm able to indulge my love of music. Besides, I only have to put up with her on the weekends. Last month she was only home for 4 days.

Interestingly enough, that could change in the near future. She's talking about retiring which means she would be home all the time. And earlier this year I was blessed with a boatload of money that came through a house I sold in California.

Stay tuned.

"Looks like I've been fooled again.
Looks like I'm the fool again.
I don't like it, I don't like it." Tom Petty - Fooled Again

posts: 1112   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8425168
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tbkjcn ( Member #44744) posted at 3:19 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

Don't have hate in my heart but I'm an old guy now who long ago gave up on fixing her. Not my job.

My wife is cold as the driven snow, at least when she's around me. She has a wall around her.

Nothing is ever her fault. It's like dealing with a 66 year-old child.

You clearly aren't happy with the arrangements, so why continue with them?

I'm going to have to ask the same question. Why continue to stay in a situation that obviously you don't like, and makes you unhappy?

Your wife is employed, that should minimize or eliminate any support. Any kids are adults now, so there's no child support or fear of "tearing the family apart." And, as you said, it isn't your job to fix her. Go live your life.

ETA: Oops, you beat me to it.

Besides, I only have to put up with her on the weekends

Still, thats a quarter of your days you're spending with someone you don't like.

a boatload of money that came through a house I sold in California.

I assume you've taken steps to protect that money.....

[This message edited by tbkjcn at 9:25 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8425171
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Mr. Kite ( Member #28840) posted at 4:12 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

tbkjcn:

I look at it like a roommate situation. We have separate bedrooms. This has been the norm since 1998. Occasionally we have sex but at age 68 I've mostly lost interest.

At my age the thought of moving away and starting over is not something I'd want to do unless I had to.

Unhappy? Not really. More like a perpetual state of annoyance whenever she's around.

Do I wish things hadn't turned out like this? Absolutely. Life would have been much better with a faithful wife who wanted to be a friend and a lover. But those weren't the cards I was dealt. For better or worse, I settled.

[This message edited by Mr. Kite at 6:30 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]

"Looks like I've been fooled again.
Looks like I'm the fool again.
I don't like it, I don't like it." Tom Petty - Fooled Again

posts: 1112   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8425206
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 12:23 AM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

But, Mr. Kite, the demographics are in your favor and getting more in your favor every day.

A good partner will increase your happiness and well-being. Being a partner would allow you to increase someone else's well-being while improving your own. And sex is different from 40 years ago, but it remains highly pleasurable, as far as I'm concerned.

Why waste yourself on this roommate?

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8425513
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Mr. Kite ( Member #28840) posted at 2:38 AM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

sisoon:

This is my third marriage. I'm a year and a half away from 70. The thought of getting another "partner" is the furthest thing from my mind. Can't even picture that.

What I can picture is that if my serenity is compromised once too often after she's retired and moved back home, then D will definitely happen.

Don't care much for Neil Diamond but "Solitary Man" hits the bullseye for me.

"Looks like I've been fooled again.
Looks like I'm the fool again.
I don't like it, I don't like it." Tom Petty - Fooled Again

posts: 1112   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8425565
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WornDown ( Member #37977) posted at 3:39 PM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

Sounds like you've thought this through.

You're right though - your view might change dramatically when she's home all the time. You're the male version of the Japanese Retired Husband Syndrome (google it )

Since it's Friday and you like music/guitar, a good album for you to take a listen too:

John Prine's "For Better, or Worse"

"Dim Lights, Thick Smoke and Loud, Loud Music" pretty much describes me and my ex.

It's classic John Prine. Funny, but really poignant lyrics. And all the songs are duets with great female singers.

Me: BH (49)exW (49): Way too many guys to countThree kids (D22, D21, S18)Together 25 years, married 18Divorced (July 2015)

I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch

posts: 3351   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2013   ·   location: Around the Block a few times
id 8425845
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Mr. Kite ( Member #28840) posted at 6:10 PM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

WornDown:

Oh yeah, I've had many years to think this through.

I read through some info on the Japanese Retired Husband Syndrome. Fascinating. So I can look forward to asthma, skin rashes, depression, ulcers, high blood pressure and the usual mindfuckery? I don't think so. I might have to chainsaw the house in half though.

John Prine is one of my favorites. From 'Crazy As A Loon'

So I'm up here in the north woods

Just staring at a lake

Wondering just exactly how much

They think a man can take

"Looks like I've been fooled again.
Looks like I'm the fool again.
I don't like it, I don't like it." Tom Petty - Fooled Again

posts: 1112   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8425953
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Rustylife ( Member #65917) posted at 6:19 PM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

Sometimes I think men are more tolerant of roommate marriages. They consider other stuff like money, age, kids more than the wife. Why hasn't she divorced you? My uncle and his wife are in a very similar situation. Can't stand the sight of each other but sticking through as they don't want to go back in the workforce again. Both live very independent lives. Do you guys talk on the phone when not together? Infidelity is a really destructive force.

Edit: I love PC gaming. Buying old stuff on cheap at Steam sales and then finishing the single player campaign. Right now I'm playing F.E.A.R. Super underrated FPS and horror game. The combat is amazing. Highly recommended for PC.

[This message edited by Rustylife at 12:22 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]

Me:BH,28 on Dday
Her:XWW,27 on Dday
Dday: Dec 2016, Separated in Nov'16
Together 8 years, Married for 3
8 month EA/PA with COW at Dday
No remorse, Unapologetic. Divorced her.

posts: 379   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2018
id 8425959
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Mr. Kite ( Member #28840) posted at 6:55 PM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

Rustylife:

Why hasn't she divorced you?

I've mentioned the D word hundreds of times but she has never mentioned it even once. She rejects the entire idea of getting a divorce. Strange.

Do you guys talk on the phone when not together?

She calls me every night or emails me.

I love PC gaming.

I do as well but many years ago I began to have mini-seizures while playing. It also interrupted my ability to fall asleep. Right on the cusp of sleep I would gasp as if my breathing had stopped. Once I quit playing video games all those symptoms went away.

"Looks like I've been fooled again.
Looks like I'm the fool again.
I don't like it, I don't like it." Tom Petty - Fooled Again

posts: 1112   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8425997
Topic is Sleeping.
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