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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Menz Thread-Part 33

Topic is Sleeping.
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 4:11 PM on Saturday, August 24th, 2019

Ht, you could get star ocean used pretty cheap. Not the best rpg, but not the worst.

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
id 8426464
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 11:29 PM on Saturday, August 24th, 2019

I'm 68 and I sure haven't lost interest in sex. I just don't have anyone to be intimate with. Because of my beliefs there would have to be rings involved. I don't know how far down the road that would be, if ever.

I can't imagine living as described on the last half of the last page. I think that would greatly shorten the time until I went to the morgue.

To each their own.

It's only 4:25 here right now. I got one of my Kawasaki Mules stuck when I was out in the pastures spraying thistles. I walked home. I think I'll have a beer anyway.

Grimbergen Double Amber.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4663   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8426649
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 5:27 PM on Sunday, August 25th, 2019

IDK, Mr.Kite ... I think of a musician in an independent or assisted living facility, and I can see women lined up by your door.

Sorry - couldn't help it. In reality, I wish you the best success with your plan.

I look at jukebox contents whenever I run into one. The only place I've found John Prine was in a bar in Kingston, NY. I was in a class that met 4 PM - midnight, and we had to go someplace to unwind. There it was: John Prine, Wasted Days and Wasted Nights. Man, I hated that shift. Good class, though. Now I think I need to play my Prine and Steve Goodman albums....

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26045   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8426840
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Mr. Kite ( member #28840) posted at 8:48 PM on Sunday, August 25th, 2019

sisoon:

Thank you. Not yet ready for the nursing home by a long shot.

One of the oddities about growing old is that the body feels it but the spirit still thinks it's young.

Been listening to a lot of 80's synth-pop lately. 'Talk Talk,' 'Saga,' 'Icehouse,' 'The Fixx,' etc. Music is magical in that it can instantly transport you back to a place in the past, along with all its memories both good and bad.

We're all bound by a common tragedy but each of our situations is different and our reactions to how we deal with that is unique. What may work for one may not work for another.

As a previous member noted, "to each their own."

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do.

posts: 1114   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8426898
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HoldingTogether ( member #29429) posted at 11:07 PM on Sunday, August 25th, 2019

Alrighty gents, thanks for all the advice about my video game question. Quick update. I ended up going with Red Dead Redemption 2. Not sure how I feel about it so far though. I mean, the graphics are beautiful, the voice acting is superb, the story is interesting, but.....

Idk, it seems sometimes more like I’m watching an interactive movie than playing a game. Kwim? It’s kind of like a chose your own adventure novel. Like, it has me make a choice and then I’m just watching a cinematic with little to no interaction half the time. There’s a lot of riding my horse around, combat is fun at times, but I feel like as long as I’m following the story I’m like a locomotive on rails, follow the path or fail the mission and have to restart it. Just broke Micah out of jail in strawberry and ended up with no choice but to kill half the town. Personally I would have rather just let Micah take a bullet.

Maybe I’m playing the game wrong? Or is it just a different style of game than I was expecting? Any of you guys that have played it want to weigh in I’d appreciate it. I’m trying to give it time to grow on me but I’m missing the kind of game play I got from fallout and Skyrim.

Maybe I’m just an old man who doesn’t get these newfangled video games the kids like so much.

Us-Reconciled.
You keep waiting for the dust to settle, and then you realize... This is it, that dust is your life going on.

posts: 999   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010   ·   location: New Life
id 8426942
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Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 4:34 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019

HT, any interest in strategy games? I've loved Sid Meier's Civilization series for... jezz… decades.

Heading towards divorce
D-Day April, 2015

"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button."
-Brene Brown

posts: 6361   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Colorado
id 8427641
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 5:18 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019

I liked civ 4 the best. It seems like they neuter it a bit with five and then neutered it more with 6.

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
id 8427650
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StillGoing ( member #28571) posted at 7:28 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019

Part 33? Jeez, it's like a bar that never closes.

HT if you haven't played it, get Fallout: New Vegas.

Tempus Fuckit.

- Ricky

posts: 7854   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2010   ·   location: USA
id 8427680
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Walloped ( member #48852) posted at 12:06 PM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019

HT if you haven't played it, get Fallout: New Vegas

Is that available on the PS4? Didn’t think it was, but if it is, then agree.

HT - I played and finished RDR2. It’s a very slow burn. I hunted, fished, talked to everyone, played dominoes, blackjack and poker, upgraded my guns, did side quests, etc. The story is linear though. I found it a mixed bag - but overall enjoyed it. Gotta know what it is, and isn’t, before jumping in though.

Honestly, you’re not going to find many games like Skyrim or Fallout where it’s pure open world / do what you want. Most RPG’s have a story that pushes you through.

I will suggest The Witcher 3. One of the best games ever and a real RPG. Probably closest thing to Skyrim, with better stories and fantastic side quests. Horizon Zero Dawn is another. Check out both online to see if they’re up your alley.

If you like heavy-duty isometric RPG’s (top down) like Baldur’s Gate, then Divinity Original Sin 2 is a must buy (no need to play the first). Same studio (Larian) recently acquired the rights to make Baldur’s Gate 3.

Me: BH 47
Her: WW 46
DDay 8/3/15
"Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant.” - The Doctor

posts: 1815   ·   registered: Aug. 6th, 2015   ·   location: New York
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HoldingTogether ( member #29429) posted at 4:02 PM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019

Fallout: New Vegas has been a consistent suggestion from most everyone I’ve talked to. But, unfortunately it’s only available for PS4 On the PS Now service. I played about an hour or so of New Vegas that way but it had this super annoying intermittent stutter in the audio that was making me crazy. And, no, I don’t think it’s my connection, I’m getting a consistent 190/200mbps so it should stream just fine. Guess they don’t have all the kinks worked out on that yet.

Witcher 3 had come up a couple of times so I think I’ll take a look at that. Not giving up on RDR2 just yet. It does seem like a slow burn which is fine sometimes. But not always what I’m looking for. I think it’s something I’ll be playing off and on for a while but may not be my main go to game, kwim?

I appreciate all the feedback. Keep em coming as you guys think of new ones.

Thanks

HT

Us-Reconciled.
You keep waiting for the dust to settle, and then you realize... This is it, that dust is your life going on.

posts: 999   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010   ·   location: New Life
id 8427832
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 4:15 PM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019

HT - Is your PS4 connected via Wi-Fi or ethernet? Wi-Fi can cause some of that stuttering, even with a kickass internet speed.

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HoldingTogether ( member #29429) posted at 8:44 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

Heya Losfer,

Good to see you man! I’m over WiFi. Unfortunately, due to the logistics of wiring there’s no way to go Ethernet without busting into my walls... again.

I wired my whole entertainment system through the walls. Did it all myself, tv hanging over the fireplace, surround sound speakers on the walls and the ceiling, consoles and amplifier discreetly tucked away in a corner... then I had to change internet providers and due to logistics had to move the fucking router into another room.

DAMN YOU EVER CHANGING TECHNOLOGY!!!!!

I see Borderlands 3 is coming in a couple weeks. Anybody ever play any of that series?

Us-Reconciled.
You keep waiting for the dust to settle, and then you realize... This is it, that dust is your life going on.

posts: 999   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010   ·   location: New Life
id 8428635
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 9:19 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

Thanks, HT! Good to see SG make an appearance, too. What up, SG!

Another option is ethernet over power line. I only personally know one person who has done this, and he had good luck with it, so YMMV. The equipment isn't that expensive, and if it doesn't work and you keep your receipt...

Good luck with the gaming. My last system was a Sega Genesis, so I can't help ya there.

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8428661
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 2:37 PM on Saturday, August 31st, 2019

I have a PS4 and a PS3 for the games I want to keep playing. Fallout 3 and New vegas are absolute GEMS of games, NV more than 3. You can get a PS3 for pretty cheap nowadays.

For the PS4, my recommendations are God of War, Spiderman, Skyrim, Horizon: Zero Dawn, Fallout 4, Far Cry 4, and Final Fantasy 15. If you just want to

SHOOT

THE

EVERFUCKING

SHIT

out of something, get DOOM. GET DOOM. DOOM or Wolfenstein. I have Old Blood, New Colossus, and the New Order. Some of the best Run'n'gun games ever made, IMHO.

If I want something calmer, more meditative, I play Minecraft (on PC mostly because I mod it) or Stardew Valley. I actually REALLY like Stardew Valley because while there is a challenge to it, even if you screw up or get 'killed' the stakes aren't super high. You just get a setback, but you don't 'lose' a whole lot. The storyline is simple, all goals are optional, and it is incredibly calm and creative.

If you have a PC capable of any sort of gaming and are nostalgic for classic RPGs from the 90s (like Chrono Trigger or Secret of Mana), get Cross Code on Steam. It's like if you were to take those classic JRPGs and remove all of the limitations that the 16bit cartridges imposed upon them. Deep story with classic graphics (but smoothed), HUGE skill trees, lots of side quests, etc, etc.

Speaking of Secret of Mana, the remake on PS4 isn't bad at all. I think it preserves a perfect balance between updated graphics and sounds while still feeling like the original version. I was playing it with my kids last night (and accidentally saved over my end-game save >_< ).

Oh well. Looks like I get to play one of my favorite games from my youth AGAIN.

[This message edited by Incarnate at 10:59 AM, August 31st (Saturday)]

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 3:00 PM on Saturday, August 31st, 2019

In other news, I've started reading again. I know, I know, an author that doesn't read a lot... I must be the worst kind of oddity in that regard.

On a whim the other night, I picked up my copy of Miyamoto Musashi's Book of Five Rings and started paging through the introduction. I got partway through the Book of Earth (there are five "books" in the piece; Earth, Water, Fire, Air, and Void), and it was very grounding, very calming to me. I haven't picked up a shinai, bokken, or waster and stepped into the ring in a solid 8 years, but reading the words of Japan's greatest swordsman to have ever lived made me feel like maybe my crunchy, creaky, overweight body needed a few rounds.

I'm going to pick up an 80lb light bag to hang in my workshop. Hopefully it doesn't shake the roof too much when I'm working it over.

If it does, well... oh well. I need to find my MMA gloves again.

I'd like to keep this Divorce/Separation weight off. My Type II Diabetes is almost entirely managed right now; I even had a handful of M&Ms while gaming with my daughters last night (Secret of Mana and Minecraft; it was like herding cats), and my blood sugar is 100 right now, which is pretty much perfection.

What do you all do to keep weight off without losing muscle mass? As soon as I do ANY resistance training at all, my weight loss stops, reverses, and I'm climbing again. I do my best to maintain a calorie deficit, but with weight training, that's pretty difficult. I maintain my muscle mass decently when losing weight, but it does start to shrink once my weight loss really get underway, so I start lifting again, and the weight loss plateaus/reverses.

Oi. The struggles of being a male endomorph. Even at a healthy weight, I'll be labeled as obese. Frustrating as hell.

[This message edited by Incarnate at 9:01 AM, August 31st (Saturday)]

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8430077
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WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 12:21 AM on Monday, September 2nd, 2019

What do you all do to keep weight off without losing muscle mass?

You can't. If you lose weight, you will lose muscle mass (the opposite is true about lifting to gain muscle - you will gain fat as well). The whole goal is to minimize it.

You still have to do resistance exercises (bands, weights, kettlebells, body exercises, whatever) so that you minimize the muscle loss, and maximize the fat loss.

Try just doing body weight exercises: push-ups, pull-ups, squats, burpees, box jumps, etc. Or just do light weights, but bump up the reps, like 20/set.

I'd also say, don't worry about the weight number, focus on the blood chemistry, in your case your glucose. Gaining muscle mass isn't going to cause you to become diabetic (in fact, it'll help prevent it), but gaining fat will. I've never heard of a Type II diabetic who was 6'2", 260# and shredded. See a lot of 5'6" 260# diabetics though.

If you body wants to put that muscle mass back on, let it. Hell, when I hit the weights after months (years) off, I'll gain 5-7 pounds easily (in a week or two), but the pants fit better. My density is changing. After that initial gain, my weight will start to drop (assuming I'm focusing on my diet)

Hit the weights, do cardio until your legs (or arms) fall off, and focus like a hawk on your eating (keep a solid diary of what you ate - weight it, count the calories. Cut out breads and/or sugars). Basically, focus on being fit, not the pound number.

Me: BH (49)exW (49): Way too many guys to countThree kids (D22, D21, S18)Together 25 years, married 18Divorced (July 2015)

I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch

posts: 3351   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2013   ·   location: Around the Block a few times
id 8430625
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 3:16 AM on Monday, September 2nd, 2019

I've been counting my calories like an accountant. I eat one meal a day currently, and, as a diabetic, I have been watching my carbs like a hawk. My average weekly calorie intake for the last three weeks (since just before DDay 2) is about 5,000 calories (I didn't eat for a few days after DDay2, and then averaged 500 calories a day max for over a week; it's getting better now, but anything over 1,000 calories a day and I throw up).

This is what I started with on July 24th, the day after my ex flew out to make her affair physical, under the pretenses of attending a conference;

I was 292 lbs and my glucose was averaging 170-80 and spiking to 220-250 after meals.

I took this yesterday. 262lbs, blood sugar averaging ~100 consistently, spiking to ~120 after meals.

I have a fantastic frame for piling on weight, whether it be muscle or fat. I definitely want to get my shoulders back. I haven't measured my arms, legs, waist, or chest recently, but I can easily fit into my 42" jeans again, and I do need a belt to keep them up. I generally have a 8-10" difference in size between my chest and waist, so I'm probably about a 50" chest currently.

I don't have the money for a gym membership, evena cheap one, so I built one in my garage a few winters ago. I filled buckets with concrete and put long eyebolts with large washers on them and nuts to hold them in place into it while wet. I have a 100lb 5 gallon bucket, two 50lbs 2.5 gallon buckets, and four 20lbs 1 gallon buckets. I either snaplink them onto weight bars and do my lifts like that or I attach them to steel cables and pull them that way via pulleys, so I can do flys, lat pulls, presses, curls, etc.

I am going to end up building myself a proper weight bench when I can get myself a weight bar for benchpress. Other than that, I've been going on 4 miles walks every few days, but that makes my heels crack like crazy and the corners of my toes act like they're going to get ingrown, so I have to be super careful. Infected toenails are extremely dangerous for me. I'd rather not lose my toes.

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8430685
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 8:08 PM on Monday, September 2nd, 2019

Incarnate - keep up with the exercise. That shit is good for you. It's good for your psyche. It's good for you being productive. It's good for your kids. All good shit.

Keep up with the writing and the reading as well. You've got a lot going for you. Hang in there, brother.

I've recently gained weight. I got a wrist injury from being in a mosh pit with my son at a metal show. Shit happens. Finally doing better. Going to get back on the health regime starting tomorrow. But today I am going to fucking drink beers and grill. Cheers!!

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8430935
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WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 3:58 PM on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2019

5000 calories in 7 days (714/day) is WAY to little for you. But, due to stress, that's understandable (is the Infidelity Diet). Just don't keep it up long term (>1 month or so). With that calorie deficit, you WILL lose muscle mass. You're basically starving.

Also, eating once a day is also not good, especially if you are diabetic (Type I or II? if II, your problem was likely your weight, which you've "solved." Bravo!). It's much better to eat smaller meals more frequently (like ~300-400 cal/meal * 5-6 meals/day).

It's a bit counter intuitive, but when you starve yourself, your body actually tries to retain every calorie it can as fat, but will breakdown muscle for energy. In the end, you lose weight, but are "skinny-fat;" same body structure as before (muscle to fat ratio), but just smaller. When you're working out and eating a bunch, your body actually gets less efficient and doesn't absorb/retain all those calories. It's why football linemen have to eat 10-12K calories a day. They aren't burning that much; their body is just poorly efficient.

For loosing (or gaining muscle), you want to aim for 1-2% of your body weight/week. If you are loosing more than that, bump up your daily calories by 100-200; you are aren't, cut the calories by that amount. You have to be somewhat Zen about it, there's no magic formula.

If you knew/know that, my apologies for preachin'. Also, you've got to get out of the shock phase of this, so do/eat what you can. Just don't run yourself into the ground.

On the weights, that's some good ingenuity you got going. Some suggestions I'd make, as you are looking to build your gym, are:

Kettlebells: Rogue fitness has good prices. I recommend the 53# and 35# (one each) That's about $150. You can find routines on line that will kick your ass. Heck, you might even be able to use your concrete buckets for some of the work outs. You can also look for used, which brings me to...

Craigslist/Facebook Marketplace: This is the place to look for power(squat) racks, benches, bars, etc. (and kettlebells) for cheap. Look around, and you should be able to get a power rack, bench, 7' bar and ~300-400# of weights for about $500. Don't pay more than $0.50/lb for plates. I've built garage/basement gyms (twice) for about $500 (power rack, bench, barbell, weights), then added what I wanted. All you really need is the rack, a barbell and plates - now you can squat, deadlift, power cleans, overhead presses, pull ups (on the rack). For chest just do pushups until you get a bench (you can also do them in the rack laying on the floor.

I know money is tight for you, but these are suggestions for the future. Good luck!

Me: BH (49)exW (49): Way too many guys to countThree kids (D22, D21, S18)Together 25 years, married 18Divorced (July 2015)

I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch

posts: 3351   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2013   ·   location: Around the Block a few times
id 8431333
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 5:35 PM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2019

I see a major issue that we men have in this thread.

We don't talk to each other or really bond in any meaningful way.

Look at the Betrayed Women's thread. They get down and dirty with it. They form sisterhoods. They update each other, they support each other, it's a constant thing. Why the fuck don't we do it? The reasons are many and varied, but godDAMN, we need to get our shit together.

I started revision on my newest novel. It's difficult trying to rip that creativity out of a void. Most days I feel nothing but anger and despair, unless I'm with my daughters. Well, they're at school all day long, and they don't deserve to have to start emotionally supporting me just because their mother is an abandoning POS.

It's getting easier though. I did some standup comedy on Sunday night, which was supposed to be my 17th anniversary. First one I haven't spent with her since we got together. It's also the anniversary of the first time we were ever "together," and I've only ever been with her. So it was rough, but getting up there on stage and telling my jokes and running my bit was exhilarating and exciting. It was only five minutes, but hey, I've pulled satisfaction out of a five minute time limit before. *rimshot*

Weight loss has stalled because I've begun eating again. I'm hovering right at 260-262, but I look and feel better. I've got a lot on my plate right now so working out has taken a backseat, but I plan on keeping up with the cardio and adding resistance training as well, once I can budget the time to clean up my shop so that I can use my weights again. I want to look good enough that some potential mate will glance at me and doubletake. It'll be hard with this huge Scottish head of mine, but I'm sure I can get it done. Been living off of salads for a while, and it's not so bad.

My oldest turned 16 yesterday, which was a little surreal. She's a badass gothed-out rocker/gamer chick. She's a good kid. Keeps her grades up and doesn't get into trouble and is pretty upbeat and positive, she just loves the goth aesthetic. It's a look that works for her. I did the same thing when I was a little younger than her, and my parents crushed that fast. I'm gonna let her rock it for as long as she wants to. hell, I'll make her chains for her.

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8435071
Topic is Sleeping.
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