I've actually had a better marriage (and strangely, a better life) these past 6+ years than the previous 17 pre-infidelity. Obviously the affair leaves a stain on the marriage, and I doubt full trust will ever be restored. Forgiving is not the same as forgetting. But we have a lot of fun and are blessed with family and friends, so things could be a hell of a lot worse.
That sounds like a realistic and normal reconciliation to me, Sal. I'm really glad to hear things have gotten better for you, and I hope they continue to improve over the years.
On a different note, I'm happy to hear that you feel relieved these days. You were dealing with an excruciating set of facts and a WW whose demons could not be loved away. But you continued to father your son and conduct yourself as a man of honor. It's not always easy to tell what's going on just by reading comments in a message board, but you come off as happier and more hopeful and upbeat these days, and it is great to see.
Thanks, Sal, I really appreciate that! Things have improved dramatically, and my son and I are having a lot more peace. It seems like my STBX is healing and having a lot more peace as well. Leaving turned out to be the right thing to do in my case. My ultimate goal ended up just having some peace, and I'm getting there.
Sisoon - Your appreciation for music floors me. You truly know your shit, and you have impeccable class. That's so cool you go out to see those local bluegrass shows, and it sounds like you have a long history of seeing live symphony music. The Indian classical music you mentioned fascinates me as well. You are in so much better biking shape than I am, and I am 46. I used to be such an avid biker. You are an inspiration. I hope your anniversary was very nice for both you and your wife, kind sir.
Thanks DS & MH for creating SI an allowing me to ramble and to meet all these great folks.
I echo this sentiment, sisoon. This site saved and changed my life.
(signed) sisoon, who is sometimes overly pollyanna-ish about R
I never got that vibe from you, man. You have been realistic through this whole situation. I'm truly happy for where you and your W are at.
Kicking walls, throwing things, yelling and screaming at her mom, and at the end she busted out with "And what the fuck would YOU know about acting right, you whore!" and stormed away.
Ouch, Incarnate. I totally understand where your daughter is coming from. At the same time, your daughter has to keep her own behavior in check. I'm saying this in the most non-judgmental way possible, as my son went through some similar experiences as well. IC and EMDR has helped him a lot.
One of the downsides of getting older is seeing your musical heroes pass on. Last week we lost Eddie Money and Ric Okasek from the Cars.
Yeah, those were both tough losses, Mr. Kite! I was a big fan of Ric as both a musician and a producer. That was a rough one. I wasn't as much into Eddie Money, but he seemed like such an incredibly nice guy as a person. Big losses for sure. Mark Hollis and Dr. John were both amazing as well.
My WW's IC has encouraged us to meet with her for MC. I said absolutely not. Once the two of them can figure out why my WW is such a robotic, cold, closed-up person and take the proper steps to get that remedied, then I will consider it.
My gut, and also based upon my own MC experience, says that you made the correct call about this one, Mr. K!
Try out Volbeat. Finish/Dutch metal band redoing Johnny Cash and kind of rock-a-billy but heavy.
Good band. I got injured in their mosh pit last month. My son was there to see Slipknot, I was there to see Gojira. Some fucking drunken college frat bro that didn't know how to mosh took me down in the Volbeat pit and I sprained my wrist. Other than that, a good show. Those guys are great musicians.
When a girl a lot younger (I am almost 40, talking early 20s) than you is hitting (Aggressive flirting) on you, how do you guys take it?
Sorry, never happened to me! Keep us posted, DoinBettr!
for those with kids who seperated/divorced - did you let the cheating wife stay in the family home and you move out?
I ended up moving out. It's working well for me. I think ultimately it is best for S/D parents to share custody in most situations. In my case I have my son full time, and I'm working very hard for him to have a relationship with his mom once again.
betrayed men get a horrific deal.
Yes, my friend. In my case, I've stayed focused on my kid more than anything else. It's helped lighten a lot of paths for me. It seems like you have the right focus as well. Don't lose yourself in the process, either. Do some things for you when you have time.