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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
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Tallgirl ( Member #64088) posted at 10:25 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2019

I literally pee a little when I bounce on a trampoline. Two kids = random urine squirts with any level of bounce.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8432627
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gmc94 ( Member #62810) posted at 10:37 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2019

I was able to do the longest (?) or fastest (? up to 65mph) zipline in Hoonah, Alaska. It was totally flipping amazeballs. If I can find some video I'll post it (My DS was super PO'd that I pushed the wrong button on my phone for video). And I did NOT pee at all (probably bc I didn't sneeze).

TGIF - or TGTF (thank god tomorrow's friday).

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3369   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8432640
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AmIAnIdiot15 ( Member #71023) posted at 12:45 AM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

Ellie, I have ONE friend, just one, that I've told about what happened with my husband. She's technically an internet friend, although we've been friends for years and communicate almost daily... but we don't see her in "real life" so she was safe to talk to. She broke up with a guy she's been dating for a few weeks. It's all I've heard about for the last week. People are just self absorbed I guess? I dunno.

I need to find my spirit animal, I mean, spirit MUG! Will update when I find it. :)

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 16th, 2019   ·   location: CO
id 8432699
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cocoplus5nuts ( Member #45796) posted at 12:58 AM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

Ugh, peeing! My bladder is my nemesis! A friend from a gym years ago got me a tank top that says, "3, 2, 1...gotta pee". Yep, that was me whenever it was almost time to start a crossfit workout.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8432708
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EllieKMAS ( Member #68900) posted at 1:47 AM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

AIAI - riiiight?? Like, NO. My shitshow trumps your shitshow. LOL I don't *really* mean that. But kinda do.

Are you serious that you've only told one person tho? Do you have anyone IRL to talk to about it? I told two friends in the days right after and don't know if I would have survived the last 10 months without them.

(((AIAI))) I mean you have the womenz here, but RL hugs are betterer.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8432730
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AmIAnIdiot15 ( Member #71023) posted at 3:04 AM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

I did just tell one person. Well, and our MC. Not to diminish what my husband did, but it was over before I even found out, and we're in R. Well, at least I hope it's over. You never really now 100% do you?

Anyways, I've decided that I don't want anyone to know, at least for now.

Edit: And YES, that's exactly what I was thinking!

[This message edited by AmIAnIdiot15 at 9:06 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 16th, 2019   ·   location: CO
id 8432772
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Chaos ( Member #61031) posted at 1:08 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

I just saw the following quote on FB. I laughed so hard I not only peed a little but spit my coffee.

"Just helped my neighbor bury a rolled up carpet in the woods. Her boyfriend would've done it, but he's out of town"

PS - Happy Fucking Friday!

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8432920
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BigBlueEyes ( Member #71441) posted at 1:33 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

LMAO....now that is karma 👏

Considering I have done both in 24hrs curtesy of you & TG

🤪🤪🤪

Me- BW, 47
Multi Dday's,
DB A's x 2 BFF
Multi ONS's, Online shit.
Serial cheat, Abuser,
D 18.02.20
Stay strong, just because it’s hard today, doesn’t mean that next week it won’t get easier!!

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019   ·   location: A tiny dot in a big 'ol World
id 8432941
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cocoplus5nuts ( Member #45796) posted at 1:40 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

🤣 Chaos!

Happy fucking Friday! I love the few moments in the morning after my older kids have gone to school and my youngest isn't up yet. So peaceful.

I don't have anyone IRL to talk to. I'm not very good at making close friends. Plus, we move around a lot, so most of my friends are only online anymore.

I did tell a couple of online friends that I've known for years. We have met irl, too. We vacationed together a few times. I was able to "talk" to one of them. I found out the other was an OW who thinks her H (who is the one she cheated with) has a lot of EAs. She ignores it. Anyway, stopped talking to her about it. I can talk to my dad, but that's not the same as a girlfriend, obviously.

Sometimes, I feel so fake. Every time we move, I meet new people, make new friends. They think I have a wonderful M and an amazing H. They all express jealousy. I think to myself, "If you only knew..."

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8432943
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Chaos ( Member #61031) posted at 1:46 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

C+5N - I get that. There is a loneliness of it all.

Every time I hear Perfect Couple or Golden Couple or blah blah blah - I die a little bit inside.

We are going out again tonight [he is singing locally]. I'm sure it will happen.

But enough about that!

Fuck! It is Friday! And if you friend Chaos asks for your help burying a rolled up carpet in the woods - bring wine

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8432948
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gmc94 ( Member #62810) posted at 4:44 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

Sometimes, I feel so fake

Yup. It still kills me that I feel I have to lie about myself/my life even to reasonably close friends. They don't know about the A and I've told quite the tall tale about the "heart attack" (aka suicide). Pisses me off that I feel complicit in covering up his bullshit.

But... FUCKING FRIDAY!

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3369   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8433054
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TX1995 ( Member #58175) posted at 5:37 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

The fake feeling is HUGE for me. I don't know if any of y'all have heard of the Enneagram, but I'm a 4. We love authenticity and honesty in our connecting with others. This infidelity secret causes me a LOT of stress because I feel like a liar. I too get the "perfect couple" bullshit. Especially since we've been together for so fucking long and were just a picture perfect story.

I've told three people. My BFF (who lives in another state and was a WS in her marriage), my sister (who has been through this) and my very good friend (also a WS in her marriage). The last one is local but does not know about DDay 2. Only the kiss/EA part. I didn't let her in on this bc I felt like it was awkward since she's the only one in a group of 4 close friends I have that knows anything - and I don't want to tell them all. I like having someone I can talk to, but I live in the 'burbs and everyone here likes to have a "perfect" image and talk shit behind everyone else's back. So it's not a super safe place to be open.

Also, this may sound weird, but part of me wishes no one knew. Except for the 4 of us. (WH, cWhore, OBS and me). It's like that saying - if a tree falls in the forest will it make a sound if there is no one there to hear it? Not like it hasn't happened, but it's easier to deal with if no one knows? I can pretend sometimes that my life didn't fall to shit because my WH fucked some cWhore?

Oh, and I forgot that two more people know. After DDay2, my WH reached out to a friend (who is a recovering SA himself) so he and his wife also know. But I haven't discussed it with the wife other than a text from her that offered an ear anytime I wanted one.

I've had anxiety sitting like a rock in my chest all day. And yesterday. And the week before. And the week before that. It just won't go away. Not really sure what to do. I've tried exercise, lunch with friends, cocktails and an anti-anxiety med. I'm out of ideas! Hoping for a better weekend. Infidelity sucks. Happy Fucking Friday!

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 983   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8433080
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TX1995 ( Member #58175) posted at 5:41 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

Also, thanks for the heads up on Scooby! I love that she is updating when she can. She is awesome and I hope she stays safe.

Ellie I saw on the divorce thread that you and your WH are getting ready to file. Thinking about you.

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 983   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8433089
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cocoplus5nuts ( Member #45796) posted at 8:44 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

TC, meditation and deep breathing? Meditation takes a while to get used to, so start small, 3 to 5 minutes maybe, if that. Maybe listen to some anxiety affirmations. I'm sure you could find something on YouTube.

I'm hoping that one day I'll feel confident to be open about my fch's cheating. I think infidelity needs to be exposed and talked about. I think hiding it perpetuates it. KWIM? Bit, I'm not there yet.

My 15 year old son came home from school and told me something that I don't know how to react to. Back to school night was Wednesday. My fch and I both went. I thought it was just a meet and greet. Turns out, we were expected to sit through a 10 minute spiel from each teacher. I have a very strong aversion to school. I will not sit in a school desk! So, I bounced and went to yoga. My fch stayed and met all the teachers.

My son had gourmet cooking today. There are 2 female teachers for that class. One is married to one of the school PE teachers/coaches. The other, not sure of she's married or single. She does have a child. Anyway, both teachers said to my son that they had met his dad. They asked about my fch being a wrestler (not sure how that came up in a cooking class) and the maybe single one asked my son if his dad was single! The married teacher piped up with, "Oh, yeah, is he single?" WTH?! Doesn't that seem inappropriate to ask a teenage student?

My son said he thought they were joking, so he didn't say anything, but they kept staring him. He eventually told them his dad is married to his mom and walked away. He said the teachers giggled.

I don't know how to react to this. I not going to confront the teachers or call the school. It's just weird. Do I now have to worry about these women flirting with my fch every time he goes to a school function? I'm not worried about my fch. I'm confident he wouldn't do anything inappropriate.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8433233
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TX1995 ( Member #58175) posted at 9:25 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

Coco - Um, that is BIZARRE. Honestly, I'd be asking WTF my WH was talking to them about that they knew about his wrestling? It's good that you aren't worried, and have faith in your H, but perhaps you guys should have a discussion about the signals he gives off or his boundaries? It's weird that they would ask ANYTHING much less your son? I find that most people assume my WH is married to me BECAUSE he is the dad to children. In fact, right after DDay 2 we were at my daughter's volleyball game and since I wasn't speaking to him, he stood three rows behind me. It was a new team, we didn't know the other parents, and the lady behind me talked to me and heard my WH cheering for my daughter and then later called him my husband. Just because she knew he was my DD's dad. (For context I wasn't wearing rings and never spoke to him or about him to her.)

So why did these women think that? And WTH were they doing asking your son about it! Bizarre all around.

[This message edited by TX1995 at 3:26 PM, September 6th (Friday)]

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 983   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8433266
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Hawke ( Member #47517) posted at 9:25 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

coco - That is really weird and unprofessional of the teachers.

I split from my ex in 2016, but I feel like I've turned a corner in my healing process this year. I quit drinking (I had quit previously and then started again during the separation process and having my parents living with me and everything). I just started exercising again and I really want to keep it up for my mental and physical health. I thought I had healed before, but I realize now that it was just surface-level healing - enough that I could function and appear OK to the outside world. Now, I'm letting go of some of my crutches and really incorporating some mental wellness activities into my day.

Back in 2015/16, I told a couple of people about my ex's cheating and then let the gossip mill spread it, but that was after I knew reconciliation was out of the question and I wanted to make sure I got my story out before my ex.

I found my spirit mug last year and nabbed it:

At the bottom of the mug, it says "You've been poisoned".

Me: BS (b. '75)
Him: exWS (b. '76)
D-Day: April 2015
Together 10 years
2 kids: 2011 and 2014
Separated (no divorce required for common law couple in my jurisdiction)

posts: 2370   ·   registered: Apr. 13th, 2015   ·   location: Alberta, Canada
id 8433269
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TX1995 ( Member #58175) posted at 9:39 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

Love it Hawke!

You know, I've daydreamed about outing the coWhore to everyone. If my WH and I divorce, you can bet your sweet ass EVERYONE will know exactly what they did. My kids already know, so I will have no qualms about outing them publicly. WH is okay with anyone knowing, so her precious reputation as a champion of women, an authentic, genuine, generous friend, woman of God, and fabulous wife and mother? All can go into the toilet. I do not care. I have ZERO sympathy for her. She put the nail in the coffin with her "goodbye" email to my WH and then showing up randomly to the office she had left TWO MONTHS LATER! (And in case anyone is wondering, her OBS is welcome to do the same to my WH anytime he wants as well.) Not my shame to carry! The only reason I don't blow her up now is that I don't want my life to be more complicated. But I'd deal with it if it all came out now too. Part of me wished that it would. No more lies. And everyone can stop thinking her shit doesn't stink. Because goodness does it.

I feel like it's time for the 8:00 toast already! Waiting to pick up my daughter from school and then mama is having a cocktail to start the weekend!

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 983   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8433286
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cocoplus5nuts ( Member #45796) posted at 10:00 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

It's weird that they would ask ANYTHING much less your son? I find that most people assume my WH is married to me BECAUSE he is the dad to children.

Right? Not to mention his wedding band. And, you don't ask a student personal stuff like that about their parents.

I'm definitely going to ask my fch exactly what was said when he gets home.

Hawke, glad you are doing well and taking care of yourself.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8433306
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AmIAnIdiot15 ( Member #71023) posted at 10:50 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

That is WILDLY inappropriate. What the hell is wrong with people?? I don't think I ever ask anyone if they're single immediately upon meeting them, let alone asking a teenager about their parent!

Hawke, good luck in your sobriety! You and I can be the designated drivers. I'm the boring LDS chick who never drinks, which my RL friends love because they can count on me to get them home!

I might need to start now though, my husband is away for the next 3 nights, and even though he keeps in constant contact with me via FaceTime, texts, tracking his phone etc, it's stressful for me.

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 16th, 2019   ·   location: CO
id 8433334
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EllieKMAS ( Member #68900) posted at 11:57 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2019

TX thanks! I am not really nervous about filing, but am super nervous to see him again. I have been practicing my RBF. I just want to channel Bea Arthur - she had the best "you disgust me" sneer. That's what I'm going for!

Told my niece tonight cus my coward of a sister didn't tell her. I'm a little pissed. Doodlebug (niece) took it well tho. I told her I will try to answer any questions she has if she wants to ask any. She just wanted to know what house was he going to be living in now...

On that note, I got a card from a bank in the town down south he is living in thanking him for opening an account. I am glad to know that he's gonna be trying to make a life for himself down there. One cus is FAR from me and two cus that's where his parents are and he needs the support system right now.

I am of the 'if someone asks I tell them my truth' camp. Shrug. He made the choice to do this, so I don't have to keep the secret for him. I can get if you are in R that that kind of attitude could complicate things. Is why I did not tell my fam for 6 months after DDay1.

Happy fuckin Friday!

PS - Love that mug Hawke!!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8433372
Topic is Sleeping.
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