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I don’t really have the time to post right now, but I wanted to ask you for your prayers or thoughts or anything else you can virtually send our way. My wife had a mental breakdown yesterday and is in the hospital. When she was brought in yesterday the ER doc called it a parasuicide attempt. My physician, after talking to me, disagreed calling it a severe acute anxiety attack.

Ah, fuck it. I won’t have the head for this later. Basically, my wife read my threads and saying they didn’t go over well is such an understatement it’s like calling Bill Buckner letting Mookie’s grounder through his legs in the ‘86 World Series just an “error.” My wife wanted to read my threads. She apparently kept getting questions and comments that came from things I said about what happened and people suggested she read my threads and thought it might be helpful so she asked me and that made sense to me so I finally said fine. I figured it’s been long enough that she could read it. Maybe it would even help. So she started reading Friday night and when I went to bed she was still reading. Yesterday morning when I woke up and went downstairs she was still in the den in her pajamas. She didn’t look good. She was obviously crying a lot, her eyes were red and I don’t know if she slept at all last night but she was engrossed in the iPad so I left her alone. She barely registered that I was even there. I took care of breakfast for the kids. My older kids had plans with friends and I took my youngest son to my brother’s house to spend the day with his cousin and I had errands to run and then I had a networking commitment in the afternoon so I left her alone. Besides it looked like she was still reading. I came home to change at around 2:00. I can’t even describe it. The house was quiet. I called for her but got no answer. I went upstairs to change and the bedroom was dark. She was on the floor back up against the wall. She was crying and hugging herself and rocking back and forth. Her lips were moving but she wasn’t saying anything loud enough for me to hear. And then I saw blood. There was blood coming from her arms. She had also thrown up on herself and the carpet was stained. It looked like she had wet herself too and was just sitting in it all just crying and muttering. I was so scared she slit her wrists. Thank God she hadn’t. But there were deep scratches in her arms. All over the place. Her nails had dug into her arms and there was blood from all these scratches. I called her and she didn’t answer me and just kept rocking and talking to herself and crying. And then I touched her shoulder and she freaked. Like I woke her up or something and she just freaked and started screaming at me not to touch her and she started hitting me. I tried to hug her and hold her to calm her down and she was cold and clammy like dried up sweat and she was just yelling - not yelling, screeching really that I shouldn’t touch her. Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me. I’m a monster. I’m a whore. You hate me. DD1 hates me. DD2 hates me. DD3 hates me. You hate me. I’m a monster. I’m a whore. You hate me. I’m a whore. Over and over. Like it was a mantra. When I moved back she just curled up again with her knees to her chest and she went right back to hugging herself, rubbing herself and rocking and muttering. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. I called 911 and then I called her sister. When the paramedics came they wanted to make sure it wasn’t a suicide attempt. They looked for pill bottles and things like that. That didn’t even occur to me. They took her to the hospital. Amazingly she didn’t fight them. I packed a bag and went. And she was admitted, they gave her something. Ativan (I think). I called my doc and he came to check her out. They gave her something to help her sleep. Knocked her out. I spent most of the night there and came home like 2:00am to sleep a bit and shower. My SIL apparently had come over and cleaned up our bedroom. She’s really wonderful. Anyway, I’m heading back there now. My doc wants to do a full eval on her before he’s ready to release her.

Any thoughts or prayers would be very much appreciated. Thanks.