SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Jack, I was married to the male equivalent of your WGF: spoiled, wealthy parents, entitled, they always bailed him out of everything.

Unless this person is willing to put in some major hard work at dealing with who they are and overcoming the pain to become who they want to be, they are a poor choice for a partner.

It sounds like this woman is constantly seeking to feel "good" about herself and to feel "good," she seeks validation from multiple sources. This is often indicative of an intimacy (not sex--intimacy) issue and probably is related to her parents throwing money at her vs. good old fashioned love and discipline. She skates through life on the surface, not investing in deep emotions with other people and not really connecting with them on any sort of deep level. Therefore, it's easy for her to turn it on and off at will because she just isn't wired like other people. Therefore, she's a BAD prospect for a long-term relationship.

I know you feel guilt about her daughter, but let me tell you what I told MY daughters in a similar situation. Their father had broken it off with the OW (he had lived with her and her two children who were quite young when he moved in, since before the divorce was final), and they were upset because her kids were upset.

"Look, it's TwatWaffle's (I used her name, but TwatWaffle is what I have always called her) responsibility to protect her children. I have had chances to possibly co-habitate with someone and have decided not to because I don't want to expose YOU to that sort of transient thing. She chose to expose her children to a revolving door relationship (my ex had moved out on at least one occasion). It's very sad that her selfish desires have overridden her desire to protect her children, but it's all on her. It's not your dad's fault, although if he was serious about protecting you, he should have done things differently."

I would move ahead, turn the creep in to his state licensing board and move along. Lose her number and any way to contact her.

Cat

Nothing will drive a wedge in the A quicker than a "You need to get tested" notification. My H also gave me HSV-2 about a year after DDay. He likely got it from OW#2. OW#3 still carried a torch for him. It was quickly extinguished when we informed her that she should get tested. She never bothered him again.

Thank you Cat. I am moving ahead with my life. Cancelled them off my benefits today and am researching how to turn the OM into the state board. Surprisingly, I feel really good, and FREE. It was a lot of work and now it's just me.

Surprisingly, I feel really good, and FREE. It was a lot of work and now it's just me.

I just want to warn you, it won't last.

Get what you can done while you're feeling good, it's probably going to be bumpy for a while.

I am truly sorry for your relationship with your little girl.

I now question her story about her 1st marriage though.

Are you in a state where it is illegal to knowingly transmit a STI?

strength

[This message edited by 5454real at 10:36 AM, June 1st (Thursday)]

Yes. It is a first degree misdemeanor here in my state.

I also know that she drinks and drives frequently, even with her child in the car. Even if it is just two-three drinks. Maybe so info for her ex H? Man did she turn into a monster after three drinks though. Ugh.

I've come to the conclusion that basically I got used as manny with benefits for the better part of the past 18 months. I've really turned a corner this week and am moving along full steam ahead.

The main kernel of wisdom I can give anyone that finds themselves in this position is to act swiftly and decisively. Get out, NC, protect yourself and try to get near people that truly love you. There really is no coming back from this, unless you truly desire to live a haunted life. Myself, I'm out on that deal.

So, she knowingly infected you, at the very least, exposed her AP(Yea, I hope he got it) and how many others.

Food for thought.

I've come to the conclusion that basically I got used as nanny with benefits for the better part of the past 18 months.

You may be right, but you are fortunate it isn't worse. We all go through life having to deal with our mistakes and poor judgement. You can get away from this with minimal damage, and come out a little wiser.

Despite the pain, nice to see you're coming around Jack.

Thanks thatbpguy. Coming here and being able to let it all out has really helped me turn the corner rather quickly. The last 18 months now feel like a distant memory. Right now, anyway. I did my best for her, and her child. I tried to lead her into a good life, but she just wouldn't have it. It's tragic for her. But it is on her... I'll pick up my pieces and put it all back together one day for someone that deserves it.

Jack, you've done an admirable job dealing with all that was dumped on you....not to mention actually catching them in the act! As for 'turning' him in, start with a phone call to the board. They'll direct you to either an online complaint filing option or mail you the paperwork. Good luck.

I have already located the form. I need to pray over whether or not to proceed with reporting him. I need to be sure my intentions are aligned with my character on this. What am I seeking? Vengeance? Justice? Accountability? It's the only confusion my heart feels at this point. Everything else is clear. Crystal.

You are seeking to report the wrong-doing of a professional. Any secondary motivation just doesn't matter. Please protect future women from this guy.

In the future, when a woman's family is so grateful that she finally found a good man... be wary! That is a a big red flag that she has been making a lot of shitty decisions. Clearly, the shitty decisions won't stop.

Good luck! It sounds like you are doing as well as can be expected.

Please don't forget to ponder over the health and safety of others while searching your motivations.

I pray that accountability is what is in your heart......

Having been a health care provider for over 40 years I understand the trust patients put in us. They tell us things that make them vulnerable, exposed. The incredible vast majority of us use that information to help them, to heal them. To take advantage of that position is deplorable. Yes, I have had a few female patients make passes but turning them down was not only so easy but it was the correct thing to do. I was never tempted. In the majority of states a health care provider must wait 18 months AFTER cessation of services BEFORE a relationship can begin. Remember when he said that you couldn't hurt him? That was arrogance talking. Arrogance probably born of many previous successful transgressions. Put a stop to him taking advantage of patients.

[This message edited by theaterguy at 7:43 PM, June 1st (Thursday)]

Yes, please stop him from taking advantage of other patients, especially since he may also be HSV-2 positive at this point.

It will be a week tomorrow morning since we have last spoken. I hit a rough patch with the temptation to reach out tonight. Got on the phone immediately with a friend to talk me off the ledge.I am getting on a plane tomorrow and getting out of here. Don't want to be that guy that drives by to see who is camped out at my ex-home, sleeping in my ex-bed, with my ex-WGF. It's messed up that I should even give a shit. Thanks for everyone's support and encouragement. Not feeling alone with this is so huge right now.

You're doing great Jack. I think the divorce/separation forum has a NC thread to help people who are on the edge of contacting their ex. If you need support and can't get ahold of any friends, this place is a great place to be.

Remember, Jack, baby steps.

It's a rollercoaster, but you are holding your resolve. We're here for you.

WhatElseToDo gave a great suggestion...there are some awesome peeps over there who will give you immeasurable support.

Glad you're getting away for the weekend. Hope you're doing something fun. You deserve it.