SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

jack,

Those feelings are normal for the situation you are in. What is most important is that you accept the mood swings and rollercoaster emotions as par for the course, but do not act on them to contact her. Going 'cold turkey' is never easy, whether you are weaning yourself off a drug, or a person. I am sure people coming off drugs must have days where they feel like heroin is the most incredible thing in the world, and they would give anything for another hit. Should they take that hit? Of course not! So should you take another hit from your human 'drug'? No, and you know it. It's tough, but stick to no contact. This does get easier with time.

I had a friend who actually put a piece of cardboard up by his telephone at home (back when everyone had land-lines) with the words, "Don't call Collette" written on it in red marker pen. He had broken up with the girl, who he knew was bad for him, but he kept getting drunk on Friday evenings and calling her. Is there anything like that which you can do to help yourself?

We're all thinking of you, jack, and wishing you well. Stay strong, brother.

Thanks M! I haven't called and don't intend to. Having this place here to drop in and say hey- I'm feeling weak at the moment- has been a huge help. I've got a feeling that this is it and there won't be any further contact on either side. She has a lot to be ashamed of, not the fact that she probably fell for someone else, however stupid that sounds. It's the fact that she knows I have been through this before, and still chose to put me through it again. She could have been honest up front, but accountability is not something that comes natural for her. Instead she blew up all of our lives (her, her daughter, and mine) and put her lover's career in jeopardy. It's all so stupid and senseless. She is a beautiful woman, why screw around with a troll like him? Idiot. I always told her, ALWAYS TOLD HER, that I was keen to when things aren't right, even when she was moody about something not related to us, I would know. I also told her that nobody ever gets away with cheating. It's always better to just be honest and up front and end things so you don't go around hurting people and wrecking lives. That was probably on our third date. I laid it down, these are my boundaries, I will not tolerate any bullshit. No avail. Deaf ears.

On a happier note, I am going to take some time for me from 6/16-6/24 and head out to California to see where my rental car will take me. Will start in San Diego and work my way up. Thanks again for being here everyone!

I am back home. Barely slept last night. The tough part of all of this is that there will be no real consequences for her. She can move on from us both, well me for sure, and go on with her merrry little life. She won't have to see what she did to me. She doesn't have to hear about it or see any of the destruction she has caused. I am the one stuck with the baggage, the horrible feelings from being humiliated and betrayed, and zero closure. Really sucks...

No Soliciting

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:14 AM, June 5th (Monday)]

Jack, you shouldn't feel bad. It is true that you invested in her and it hurts. But you should see the bright side, which is finding this rather early in your relationship.

A while from now you will be ok, and ready to choose a better partner.

Jack, if one reads here long enough one sees that most waywards suffer impact for the qualities that make them waywards on a lifelong basis.

Hang in there Jack. Each day you do not call her is a good day. One step at a time. Please keep us posted especially what you do to the POS chiro......keep your head up my friend.

I'm holding strong. I've been tempted. I miss what I thought was her, the illusion of her. I confided in a close friend that I thought this was all my fault, that I was a love bomber. He quickly braced me on that notion. I loved her and her little girl too well, not in a sociopathic way. She took full advantage of that. Live and learn gents, you have to have balance or they will lose respect for you and you'll end up here crying the blues because you caught your woman with another man. Hey Joe...

Busy day tomorrow. IC for me, then meeting with "our" pastor right after. I have a call with the state chiro disciplinary board rep for my state tomorrow at 1pm. Have my ducks in a row. Thanks for the support theater et al.

Are you doing the Pacific Highway 1? Hearst Castle, Carmel, Monterey, Santa Cruz?

It's my favorite highway in the US. The Big Little Lies fictional TV show is in Monterey (although it has infidelity, rape and abusive spouse, so trigger warning).

Have fun!

then meeting with "our" pastor right after.

Jack, secular (IC) counseling and faith based counseling both have value. You've been doing well in taking measured, deliberate steps. So you know that faith base counseling will center around forgiveness and reconciliation. Your pastor may suggest joint counseling. Just stay strong in the face of this. Use the secular and faith based counseling to help you recover and heal so you can continue to move forward.

Yeah, Coast Highway is the way to go north. I usually take I-5 north from San Diego up to San Clemente. Then the PCH from there through all the beach towns. Make it a point to soak up all the Vitamin D, salt air, and outdoor cafes you can. At some time you can get back on the 5 and get yourself to San Fran and wine country.

Picking up 1 around Dana Point and rolling from there. He and I have had several road trips together throughout our lives, usually when one of us just really needed THAT. Followed the Dead one summer for 4 weeks while we were in college. The Badlands on a whim. That kind of stuff. Known each other since we were 12.

I think this will be good for me. Heading into it with an open heart and open mind. More then anything, I just need to get gone from here for a while. She jacked my world up and I need to be away from it. Peace and goodnight brothers and sisters.

You are welcome Jack. One of the difficulties in starting new relationships is trusting again. I don't trust as easily as I did in the past, somewhat waiting for 'the other shoe to drop'. Hopefully someday that will go away. Peace to you and enjoy the drive.

How ya doin Jack?

Thanks for checking in theater. I'm in a holding pattern. It will be two weeks tomorrow. I've reported and told them I didn't want any follow up. I have to wash my hands of this.

I miss the illusion of her and our life greatly. I'm dealing with some anger and loss. I miss her daughter. The bond we had. The no contact thing is tough. Feeling pretty all alone at night. I'm resolute thought to move on with my life. She has given me no choice.

Are you doing the Pacific Highway 1? Hearst Castle, Carmel, Monterey, Santa Cruz?

Hello Jack-

FYI

CA-1 is pretty much closed between Morro Bay in the south and Carmel / Big Sur in the north. I bridge is out and there was a 1/4 mile landslide with rocks and dirt 40-80 feet deep.

You may want to go east to Joshua Tree / Mohave / or north to the Sierra. Or hangout in Hollywood and Malibu!

What was the reporting process like? I've heard it is fairly simple. The two cases I reported were as a PA and to my dept chairwoman. After I wrote my report out she interviewed me, I guess to check the facts. You know, it does get easier.........it just takes time. And.....you have a lot of compardes here. I hope it gives you some solace to know there have been others that went before you. It did for me.

Missing a cheater is like missing a person that stands on your house and keeps stealing stuff.

Stole your time, stole your trust and stole your faith.

She doesn't get away free at all. They never do. It might not be the big helping of karma you'd want, but she knows she did you wrong and ultimately you get to walk away and she'll never have that relationship with you again.

Well done on getting that cancer out of your life,

Thanks Tren and Theater. Your words of support and insight are so helpful and, if I may, comforting. I'm processing all of the pain on it still. I frequently reach out to friends when the despair becomes intolerable. I'm making plans for my future now. I have decided to stay in the area for at least another year and rebuild my life, for me this time. I won't let that slut run me out of town. While it may cause me some pain should I run into her, it might give her a healthy dose of reality what she decided to discard so frivolously. Probably not though, she is way too self absorbed and seeks validation like a vampire.

Plus I know that I can upgrade at anytime, once I am in a place to do so. Peace to you all.

Plus I know that I can upgrade at anytime

That won't be much of a challenge.

Strength

And now the depression sets in. Got home from work two hours ago and collapsed on my bed. Water works then staring at the ceiling for the past 90 min. Thanks for the gift sweetheart. All my love...