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Jack, I like your thinking. Proverbs 7 would be a classic response. But I wouldn't do it. He is a back channel for her to get to you. A big church guy could become a pesky reconciliation advocate, being fed bullsh*t by her.

Crickets is the best response. He's going to pray for you. You've got a road trip coming up. So mind, body and spirit are covered.

Id tell him straight out, proverbs 7 and all...she has loose morals and poor judgement, be careful trusting her with your livelihood.

[This message edited by OrdinaryDude at 9:03 PM, June 15th (Thursday)]

I agree. It's a good way to let him know what he's dealing with.

Jack,

He may know more than he is saying. She sent her message, asking how you are, and the reply was crickets.

Now, unexpectedly, her business partner has contacted you for no real reason, with a pleasant message saying he is praying for you.

If he knows none of the details, why is he praying for you? It's possible that she has given him a fake version of events, and she is hoping to get feedback on you via her business partner.

That being the case, you could - only if you really want to - give him the edited 'highlights' (lowlights?) of her actions that led to the break-up, wish him well, and thank him for his prayers, without giving out any information about how you are or what you are doing.

And then move on from it, and if he messages again, just respond briefly and politely, without entering into any dialogue about your current state or activities. Really, he's another part of her, and you are making great progress in leaving that whole circus behind, as you move towards a brighter future (and a great road trip, from the sounds of it!)

Take care, Jack, and I hope you have a good weekend.

I thinking I'm agreeing with M1965, it smells like he might have been put up to it, to feel you out. He probably doesn't realize he's being used to by her for information.

Tread carefully.

If he knows none of the details, why is he praying for you? It's possible that she has given him a fake version of events, and she is hoping to get feedback on you via her business partner.

I agree. He is trying to find out how you are doing to help HER. She is hoping to find out you are devastated...or that "friend" can provide feedback that will patch things up between you. She is fishing but using someone else's line.

Meh, I'm kind of a benefit of the doubt type.

"I appreciate your concern. Thank you."

Then crickets.

The guy has had years of hearing what a great dad and husband you were. He may be sincere.

Strength brother.

Side note, there's a thread in the I can relate forum specifically for betrayed men. C'mon down. I'll warn you that the newbies buy though.

I don't believe she will. The mere mentioning of it by you made my stomach churn. Not complaining, it's just I have zero expectation of that ever happening. Someone else saying it made the possibility seem all too real. Anyway she is extra self absorbed and me me me.

As you saw she did and will again, it will end up escalating to the point where she try to run into you in person if possible.

See that ego of hers won't let you get away with ignoring her. When you ignore her it gives the impression to her that you never really cared and her ego can't deal with that. She needs to see if you are hurting or missing her for validation (she NEEDS to know you are suffering without her). Keep that in mind for if/when you do have to deal with her (intentionally or not), don't let her see any emotion other than annoyance.

Expect her to beg and plead for you to take her back, this isn't over yet.

Dobby might have a point there. Jack, I've read your thread and am impressed with your insights and ability to hang so far. Try not to fall for her attempts to contact you. I agree with not replying to anything she texts, emails, voicemails, etc. Just delete it. Treat her like any other stranger on the street; be polite but aloof; you don't know her and don't want to know her. I'd reply to the church guy with something simple like, "Okay, appreciate it.", as a couple others have suggested. I'm hoping that you're still holding up. You haven't got a lot further to go to licking this thing. Keep yourself busy; focus on you. Enjoy your life. Take care of yourself bro.

If it was me I would let her business partner know why you guys split.

I think it's important that he knows the chacter of the person he is investing in and who he can trust.

Cheaters lie....he should be aware of who he is currently dealing with.

Wouldn't suck if down the line you hear from the guy and he tells you how he got taken to the cleaner by your EW and you didnt say antthing?

At the very least you can get him up to speed...it will be up to him in how he protects him self in the future.

I haven't decided on whether to reply to her business partner or not. The more I leave the door shut to any communication with her/that part of my life,the smaller she looks in my rear view mirror. The smaller that chapter in my life looks. She really screwed over a lot of people with all of this.

I would reply with the simple truth. No more, no less, nothing cryptic.

The reason why is that she was dishonest and betrayed you. She may do the same to her business partner in business. He may want to beware of her dealings.

I haven't decided on whether to reply to her business partner or not.

Do the calculus. What gain? What downside? What was there in his communication that requires a response?

My concern for you is that he becomes an intermediary for her, a way around your NC with her.

If you respond, and if the response includes exposing her, are you doing so to protect his business interests...or to exact a consequence?

You've made deliberate, prudent, strategic decisions throughout. I expect you'll follow that same process and arrive at a decision that makes the best sense for you.

Thanks Timeless. I really appreciate your input and insight. There is nothing to be gained from responding to him other than throwing more dirt on her. It's why I have checked myself in here before every step. Yes, he should probably know. Him knowing it, nor she, are my problem any longer.

I strongly doubt she has clued him in to anything REAL about what went down between us. If she came clean to him, and in the remote possibility that she asked him to reach out, I believe he would have been more direct with me. She can't afford the damage to her reputation. Her charity, and the work that it does, is based on Christian beliefs about reaching the unreached. The irony does not escape me. At this point, there is zero reason for me to be in contact with anyone remotely connected to her, other than to bury her. I don't fancy the idea of that. It will all come out and boomerang back to her in the end anyway. She doesn't need, nor deserve, my help to the bottom. She is well on her way.

[This message edited by jackfl at 12:35 AM, June 18th (Sunday)]

Strongly advise you use this time to run away as fast as your feet (figuratively speaking of course) will take you.

You got your first fishing text.

Of course she's kicked you in the balls and pulled your heart out your mouth and p*ssed on it but hey "Sorry I hurt you" ...tug on your heart strings a bit, seem contrite and appeal to your good manner.

I mean what the f*ck is I hope you're ok supposed to mean..of all the cliched nonsense.

So run my man and keep running because she will come knocking soon and if you haven't put enough distance between you..as they say, that will be you dragged back in again.

If you respond, and if the response includes exposing her, are you doing so to protect his business interests...or to exact a consequence?

Why not both?

I see no problem with that at all, there is no reason to protect her from consequences when clearly his interests are at risk with her.

Further communication would not be necessary, just a simple warning of the kind of person he is dealing with based on what she did to you...just the facts, nothing more.

Hands down the best thing I ever did was ghost on this sorry excuse for a human being. No contact is the way to go folks. I have SI and the wonderful people here to thank for that. The dust will eventually settle and you will finally see them for what they are now. Trust in it, it works.

You are doing great!!!

I agree you are doing great!