SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I so totally second what theaterguy said.

You will never know who you may have potentially saved by doing so.

"Look, this should be handled swift and proper. No fooling around, no drama...

1. Inform both WW and POS they have given you an STD and you will be suing them. And them file.

2. Make a formal complaint to the state board for chiropractors and cite that language. Send whatever proof you have.

3. Contact the insurance carrier and let them know they were being billed for treatment when in fact they were meeting for sex and you want the money credited back.

4. File an insurance fraud claim with the state insurance division as to potential billing fraud.

5. Expose as necessary on social media- Angie's List, Google, FB... that he is a predator seeking and having sex with patient's wives and you have an STD as a result.

Just do it and let it be their worry."

I agree completely with Cincykid and thatBpguy. You have no obligation to give either of them a heads up. What you saw in her domicile is all the evidence the board will need. Even if they did not have sex at the moment you walked in, the fact he was in her bedroom, in a state of undress, is so far over the line. I am worried about her medical file going missing. Once the complaint is filed and the insurance is notified (oh man they will have a s&*t fit) file your lawsuit. Giving someone an STI is assault.....and if they knew they were infected, in several states it is a felony. Jack, you have so many of us in your court you're gonna need a bigger place!

Thanks theaterguy. You, and everyone else here, support has meant everything to me these past few days.

They can "lose" her file all they want, but I have copies of all of the explanation of benefits from the carrier. Since she was on my plan, all of the monthly EOB's came to my attn and I have dowloaded them electronically tonight. Provides details for all of my dependents. It shows everything I need to prove that she is/was a patient there. Charges, co-pays, dates of service, treating "physician" etc.

We got your back Jack..........sorry, I just had to say it .

It's Friday night and your support group is in session. Pull up a chair and a delicious craft beer. We are listening.........

I'm actually holding on by a thread these past 24 hours. I want to call and fix it so badly. There is nothing to fix though. She willfully shattered our life. I knew something was up the night she disappeared for 14 hours after the music festival. When I finally did reach her, her answers were short and abrupt. Gaslighting me saying she was dead inside because I was too grumpy, controlling, or whatever. The text messages from dear old Dr. at 10:30 at night because she was cryyyying in their office because she was in so much pain and depressed. I'm pissed off! Could the two of them be any more stupid? Did she think I was that stupid knowing how I am about adding shit up and coming to some pretty accurate conclusions? Dumb whore.

Thank you Jack for NOT calling! Remember what she did to you, how that disrespected you.....

Realistically Jack what is there to fix? She cheated, she gave you and STI, she took advantage of your generosity and kindness.....I could go on but you seem like a well thought guy....If there was any hope just about everyone here would be encouraging you to try R. But the majority are telling you it is over. Sadly, we all come from the road of experience.

It gets better, but yes the nice guy/optimist in you will surface from time to time trying to right things.

But more importantly is you that you work you way through all these emotions, pain and anger. Yes it sucks that she's likely with the dude but guess what, she's not dealing with why she's done what she's done and the day will come when she does have to look at herself in the mirror by then you won't give two sh*ts about it because you'll be out the woods and enjoying life again.

Surround yourself with family and friends if you can, and remind yourself when the nice guy surfaces that this woman disrespected/disrespects you time and time again.

Some of us by nature are 'fixers'. It's perfectly natural for you to be feeling the internal pull of wanting to mend something that's broken. But you can't fix a cheater. Only they can make that decision.

While feelings of sadness, self-reflection, inner-questioning don't exactly feel helpful to you right now, these are some of the tools that will help you get through this emotionally in the long term. Don't suppress the sadness and the pain, you have to work directly through it, just make sure the rational side of you continues to guide you forward so that you don't reach out to her. There's no comfort to be found in someone who cheats and lies.

It sucks, but the sooner you can accept that how she is now is who she really is, the faster you'll be able to detach and the faster you'll move forward, as the decisions you need to make will cause less inner-conflict.

I'm letting go for at least the rest of today. I'm with my kids and they need my focus and attention. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the love and support from everyone here. It's ineffable what it has meant in my acceptance of what has occurred.

Jack, enjoy your kids and have a restful weekend.

Then on Monday, squash that DC like a cockroach.

Kids are back with their mom. Heading to a bar to drown this a bit. The physical toll came as a surprise. I've come down with a nasty headcold and I can't eat much of anything. I'm resolute to hit the reset button on Monday morning and get back into my gym routine.

Also, I find myself drifting back to when we met and those first few months and how we really connected. I felt like I was ruling the world with everything in flow. It's so bittersweet now.

Please, PLEASE be VERY careful with the drowning. It is never easy to deal with this shit. Lowering your boundaries, drowning the pain, can o so easily backfire.

Sending strength brother

Hang in there jack. Hope you take care of that cold too. Take care of you and enjoy your time with the kiddos. My son was a great distraction especially early on from DDay. Dude hug!

Dude. Do not drown it out.

What is the key component of drunk-dialing the ex?

I bolded and italicized it in case you might miss it.

Cat was totally right about the damsel routine.

Alcohol is not your friend. Embrace the pain. Embrace the suck. Don't numb it. Commit yourself to never again select a mate like her. Let this pain be your reminder.

Also, I find myself drifting back to when we met and those first few months and how we really connected.

From what you've posted, that seems to be one of her talents. A skill she has. I'm sure she is great at making guys feel "connected" in the beginning. That's how she reels them in. It seems like she has done that a lot. It seems like no one ever breaks up with her, she always does the breaking up and moving on to the "NEXT!"

It's not you, that's her.

Is that your observation with her?

It seems to be her MO. I know there was a revolving door of guys before me. The running joke with family and friends was that she found a keeper in me because I made it past the 30 day mark. I've seen some of the others that have come before me. All had a strong potential for loserdom. I'm figuring out in my mind, with some help from hindsight and the wonderful people here, that she is a user. I see it clearly now, and that's how most of her relationships are- with friends and family alike. Very selfish and self absorbed. It didn't help by me lovebombing the shit out her and her daughter. We were way out of balance and there was very little reciprocity except via sex.

It all went off the rails when we were scheduled to go see my kids in early May for my daughter's birthday. She had a tv promo spot for her charity that got rescheduled from the week before, and it just so happened that the only time she could do it was the day and almost the exact time we were leaving. She chose to stay behind and do the spot instead of make the trip for my daughters bday. That was a gut punch for me and I let her know it. The next day, after the TV spot is when she went to music festival with her gay friend and disappeared for 14 hours. I asked her to send me a pic from the festival, honestly, because I wanted to confirm she was where she said she was. So she ghosted on me that night, while I was 1500 miles away. All hell ensued at home after that. She said my lack of trust over the course of the relationship was a death by a thousand cuts and asking for the pic was the last cut. I knew something was off the minute I got home. We had sex daily up util that point, then not once after. Her heart was dead she said. I have since confirmed that Dr. Love was at the festival with her friend.

I did get drunk last night despite the encouragement here not to. I didn't reach out though. There is nothing to reach out to, even if I was that weak. Went to a random church this morning and got slapped across the face with a message about fear and forgiveness. I have to forgive her, but I cannot allow that in my life again. Contemplating what to do with my life now...

[This message edited by jackfl at 10:50 AM, June 4th (Sunday)]

You can forgive because she is broken and messed up. Forgetting that she's screwed up you life and would likely do it again if you were foolish enough to let her? Nope!!!!

You can forgive her. All that means is that you cut her out of your life and wish her the best in the future. It DOES NOT mean that you ignore what she has done.

Forgiveness means that you do not dwell on what she has done to you. Do not let the betrayal become the focus of your immediate future.

Let her go along the path she has chosen. It is not your fault and she is no longer worth you consideration.

The struggle is real today gang. Why is it that today all I can focus on is the good qualities she possesses? Not the lying cheating slut. Not the shit tier mother that she is. Not the self absorbed slob...seriously this woman can trash the inside of a car in a day. I've got to bust free of this oneitis bullshit!