SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The last woman who broke my heart was hard to get over.......................until I shifted into 4-wheel drive

( as I can hear him chirping in the background- "don't worry he can't hurt me.")

Don't be surprised if this guy is a serial cheater who has impacted many marriages, and the children of those marriages. Report him, it's the right thing to do and he deserves the negative attention. You owe him nothing...except consequences!

I am in agreement here. Think about this...you have been like a parent to the kiddos of your ex. They have been impacted by this jerk as well. They did nothing and yet their world fell apart when he violated your relationship. Don't get me wrong, she is ultimately to blame but he knew she was committed and yet chose to prey on her anyway....I would go with the scorched earth approach as well, not to hurt her so much but to teach him to stay out of someone else's pond...

***as a member***

Just curious, what's going on with your stepchild?

I'm not sure what's going on with her little girl. We've pretty much been ripped apart for the last week with zero contact. I was staying with a friend because she had basically kicked me out due to my inquiries into her recent very-out-of- character behavior. However, I was over there every night prior to DD trying to save it, helping put the child to bed, reading her books. Cuddling and begging for affection from WGF. I was so humiliated and am now very embarrassed. I should have just bailed when she stepped out of line the first time. Would have saved me several thousand dollars in paying her mortgage for May and expensive ass gifts for her birthday and Mother's Day.

Final question- I can drop her from my benefits (Cadillac plan) today without warning. However, if I do that means her little girl will lose coverage as well. I'm not inhumane, but I really need to sever all ties. What to do? Appreciate any feedback on this point. Thanks again all.

I think we're all very impressed at how you're handling this situation. I think that your instincts have been right on so far. I wouldn't worry about the daughter. First off, it's not your problem, but secondly, the grandparents will make sure that she's taken care of. I agree with severing all ties. The WGF severed ties before D-Day; you're not the heartless one. I learned and applied a lot of changes from my experiences with a cheater. I hope you do to. Take care of yourself.

I wouldn't worry about insurance too much. Sounds like your ex comes from a well off background. Sounds like her parent's could help in that department if something was needed. Still, you might want to take the high road and give her a heads up that you have dropped them from your insurance policy is you should choose to do so.

I think I know where 54 is coming from...

How do you feel about the girl? Sounds like you guys were close. Would be a shame for that relationship to end though legally not sure you have a leg to stand on there without legally adopting her.

I'm a betrayed child myself and also saw my family torn apart in more ways than one by my mother's infidelity. Do you want to continue a relationship with this child even if you don't continue with her mother?

yop

Ya know, the Board of Chiropractic medicine may or may not do anything, but I'd still turn him in. Depending on the state they mau take a very dim view of all this. I'd also place blurbs on Angie's List, Google, Yelp... and let it be known he profiles female patients.

Her parents are rich, they can cover whatever medical needs their grand daughter has.

Your WGF should have thought about her own daughter's needs before she decided to risk everything. Not to be calloused, but she's not your problem anymore. No rights = no responsibilities.

Because of the daughter I'd give her (or her folks) a heads up with the date the insurance is ending.

(Bro hug) (fist bump)

I like the idea of telling her parents that they need to get insurance for the child ASAP.

I can tell that you are hurting and in an emotional state of shock. Please take our word for it: you are doing the right thing. You are as free as a bird so trying to reconcile with a cheater would be masochistic for you. Maintain no contact with her & you will be surprised at how fast you detach.

Thanks again for everyone's insight again. The little girl and I were very close. We weren't married so I have no rights. I hurt for her because I know it is going to be a never ending carousel of men coming in and out of her life. All claims to the contrary, I believe it was that way before I came along. I'm going to pray and sleep over it tonight and try to make a decision in the morning re: health insurance.

Overall, it really sucks. She WAS a beautiful, kind, and loving woman. It all really destroyed me for a few days, then yesterday morning, for whatever reason, I just felt an enormous sense of relief and pressed on.

In my reflecting I accept at least part of the blame. I took on way too much. I have an executive level position and still most nights I would come home cook dinner, clean up, work on the laundry, tidy up. I really kicked in because I thought this was my opportunity to have a family and a real life with someone amazing. The reality, of course, being much, much different. In the end, I guess she didn't have any respect, or value for the man I am, or much of anything thing else for that matter.

Appreciate you all.

GOod luck

I am terribly sorry that you find yourself here. It sounds like you are doing well at taking care of yourself and that's good.

I want to join the chorus about reporting the om to your state medical board as this is a HUGE no-no. As someone else said, likely he would only get a slap on the wrist in the shape of a fine and an ethics class. BUT it will also go on his very public record.

I don't kno about anyone else, but I look up every new medical professional via the state board before my appointments to look for disciplinary actions and malpractice suits. I am a CSA survivor and the last person I would want treating me is someone with serious boundary issues. Medical professionals are held to a higher standard because they have power over our treatment. There are very good reasons why medical professionals are not allowed to treat family.

Jack....I'm the guy who mentioned turning him in to his licensing board. As a former physician assistant, licensing boards take a very dim view of his actions. It is unethical for reasons others have stated. If (and it is a very big if) this is his first reported offense then he will likely get a fine (the slap on the wrist), and ethics class and in many cases he will require to have a chaperone present anytime he has a female in the room. A really big inconvenience. I knew a couple of MD's who cheated with their patients and my oh my did they pay. Very embarrassing as screwing around with patients is a huge no-no. If this isn't his first complaint then the board may come down on him pretty hard. Plus his office staff will be pissed at him (yes, they will know) because he alone put their jobs at risk.

Thanks theaterguy. I've been humiliated and the pain was great. I am weighing all options at this point. I think moving forward with a complaint to the state board is my next step. My attorney says that since it was consensual, nothing will probably happen unless he violated a workplace policy, which I'm sure he did.

More than anything I am so disappointed in her. We went to church on Mother's Day together and it was all about building a hedge around your relationship, and all the things you are supposed to do. Things I tried so hard to make a reality for us. She acted like she was so on board. I could see the burden of her sin in her eyes.

We had lunch the Wed before DD and I asked her if we could just ry to work it out. All I needed was her to be true to me and give ME a chance to fix what I HAD BROKEN in her. She agreed as we prayed for it over our meal. So, so disingenuous...

Big question, was she a patient of his? If so there will be consequences. Yes, I'm not a lawyer but I was in medicine for over 40 years. At every level of patient care it is drilled (no pun intended) into you to not play with the patients! Not to disagree with your counselor, but I have seen several instances where the health provider paid dearly and publicly for the transgression.

Check with your insurance carrier. You may not have any choice but to drop her if you are no longer together / living together.

Theaterguy- He has treated her in the past, I know it for a fact. Their medical records will show it. No matter, he is definitely a treating Dr. in the practice she has work done. She has mentioned him in the past. Dr. X was too busy, so Dr. Y treated me today. She went three times a week since January after a minor car accident. She was already having back trouble and the wreck made it worse... apparently. I'm questioning every bit of it now. Maybe she was up to no good the whole time. It was so odd to me, even her primary Chiro would text her from time to time. At random times. He himself got in wreck and he was texting her pics etc. Seemed so inappropriate to me. Sucks- my health insurance plan covered most if her visits.

Maybe she was the office slut? Anything is possible at this point. I should have known better with all of her phone habits. Constantly on it. Phone face down. Facebook. IG. Texts etc. I hated it and would give her the side eye all the time over it. Should have been a couple of month fling and no more.

No more Captain Saveaho for me.