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Newbies: Mind movies and dark thoughts - how to stop them

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anoka ( Member #57873) posted at 12:12 AM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2017

I'm not criticizing the OP - at least I don't mean to. I'm happy for every single person that this helps.

Most BH's rugsweep their feelings and suffer in relative silence for the rest of their lives. I'm all in favor of anything that can help these men find peace.

Me: BH

posts: 178   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2017
id 7838955
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 1:30 AM on Saturday, May 20th, 2017

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7869213
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yenko ( Member #58555) posted at 3:09 AM on Saturday, May 20th, 2017

This is a very interesting topic. I am 3 weeks post DDAY and I have to admit I have been struggling with the dreaded mind movies and thoughts. I have actually been practicing this same technique on my own and didn't realize it is a tried and developed exercise. Since one of my passions is restoring classic cars, I start with a barn find car and restore that car piece by piece in my head. After 15 minutes I have a completed project. Does it take away the pain for the entire day? No it doesn't, but it sure comes in handy for those moments where your hyperventilating and your heart is pounding. btw the rubberband on the wrist has it's merits as well but my wrist looks like hamburger right now.

Thanks heartbroken_kk Great Post!

I'm not crying because of you; You're not worth it. I'm crying because my delusion of who you
were was shattered by the truth of who you are. (Steve Mariboli)

Me - BS, M-24 years, DS-23 & DD-17. Divorced on Black Friday, 2017

posts: 126   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2017   ·   location: USA
id 7869280
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Blackrose17 ( New Member #58422) posted at 9:12 PM on Saturday, May 20th, 2017

This is exactly what I needed right now. Thank you many times over for taking the time to share. It's not about avoidance at all. It's about breaking that loop of thoughts which can be very destructive. I'll be trying this often.

Me: BS
Him: ONS 2/21/2016
D-Day 4/19/2017
Married 27 years
Very early Stages of R

posts: 6   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2017
id 7869744
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wantingtotrust ( Member #6313) posted at 3:40 AM on Sunday, May 21st, 2017

Great post!

posts: 232   ·   registered: Jan. 25th, 2005   ·   location: Orlando, Florida
id 7869902
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StillLivin ( Member #40229) posted at 6:16 AM on Tuesday, June 6th, 2017

Bump

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB
D: 7/2/2014

posts: 5955   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2013   ·   location: AZ
id 7883816
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 11:43 AM on Tuesday, July 11th, 2017

Bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7914937
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 8:50 PM on Monday, July 24th, 2017

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7927352
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hcsv ( Member #51813) posted at 4:54 PM on Tuesday, July 25th, 2017

Thank you!!!!!

Seven mile run this morning and I made the biggest fruit salad in my mind.. I think it took a good two miles just to cut the watermelon.

Great advice.

After 40 years, ex turned into someone I didnt know and couldnt trust anymore. Divorced. 1/17

posts: 648   ·   registered: Feb. 14th, 2016
id 7928037
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 12:24 PM on Friday, August 18th, 2017

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7950121
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fancypants39 ( Member #59370) posted at 1:51 PM on Friday, August 18th, 2017

This is fabulous.

Thank you

Me BS 39
Him WS 32
Married 7 years
4 children 5, 4, 3, and 1
D-day 05-29-2017
TT 06-08-2017
TT 07-03-2017 (I believe complete truth)

posts: 89   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Quebec
id 7950170
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Grievous ( New Member #60211) posted at 11:57 PM on Friday, August 18th, 2017

So glad I read the beginning of this thread. My WS was watching porn, visiting strip clubs, carrying around erectile dysfunction pills (no sex happening at home - his choice), doing drugs. Died more than 2 years ago. Said he was sorry and asked for forgiveness shortly before death, but never revealed the extent of his betrayal. I get stuck because I want to institute the 180 and show him I mean business, so I play out scenes the way I wish I'd done when it was all happening. I'm going to try this to stop the ruminating and mind movies.

posts: 7   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2017   ·   location: OH
id 7950713
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Jen ( Member #26584) posted at 12:34 PM on Monday, August 21st, 2017

Me former Booger Bear ...
https://youtu.be/1TcLw3TOIN8
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
https://youtu.be/iFdOAyyn76M
Love Falls by HellYeah

posts: 19991   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Where's the fucking rainbow ???
id 7952280
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 12:32 PM on Thursday, August 31st, 2017

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7961062
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Jewel44 ( Member #59265) posted at 4:45 PM on Thursday, August 31st, 2017

Thank you! Such a great idea!

posts: 151   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2017
id 7961277
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Jen ( Member #26584) posted at 11:03 PM on Sunday, September 17th, 2017

Me former Booger Bear ...
https://youtu.be/1TcLw3TOIN8
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
https://youtu.be/iFdOAyyn76M
Love Falls by HellYeah

posts: 19991   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Where's the fucking rainbow ???
id 7975310
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 12:20 AM on Thursday, October 5th, 2017

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7990866
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 11:42 AM on Tuesday, October 10th, 2017

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7995407
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RaindropsTricks ( Member #60721) posted at 12:27 AM on Wednesday, October 11th, 2017

This is wonderful. Thank you!

I have to admit that I did have the same thoughts that Anoka relayed. Let's say I think of my WH cheating and I get furious or sad (as I tend to!) when is it a good time to share/confront your WS about them and when is it a good time to stop those thoughts and focus on something else?

I don't want him to forget what he did to me and I don't want him to think because I'm having a good day all is forgiven . . So I struggle with whether or not I should 'switch' the negative in my head . .

posts: 316   ·   registered: Sep. 20th, 2017   ·   location: California
id 7995998
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 12:11 PM on Tuesday, October 31st, 2017

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8012097
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