Newest Member: Hurt2016

Just Found Out :
Newbies: Mind movies and dark thoughts - how to stop them

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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 5:35 PM on Sunday, November 19th, 2017

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8027868
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Phoenix1 ( Moderator #38928) posted at 2:02 AM on Monday, December 11th, 2017

Bump

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 8992   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 8044341
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BearlyBreathing ( Member #55075) posted at 8:07 AM on Thursday, December 21st, 2017

Bump

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTAKinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4209   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8052322
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:25 PM on Tuesday, December 26th, 2017

Bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8055761
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 10:31 PM on Monday, January 1st, 2018

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8060470
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 12:15 PM on Thursday, January 18th, 2018

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8073472
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 2:27 AM on Thursday, February 8th, 2018

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8089138
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Skan ( Member #35812) posted at 5:08 PM on Friday, February 16th, 2018

bump

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 8096569
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Adriw7878 ( New Member #59582) posted at 10:44 PM on Sunday, February 18th, 2018

Thank you for this wonderful post.

Initially, (3 months ago) it was really hurtful and difficult to sleep in same bed with cheating wife. I moved out and slept on couch ... caused me slipped disc. Wife happily encouraged me to go for operation but I am opting for physio. Wife still doesn't know I have PI report of her shenanigans.

Now, spending my time to plan following:-

1. recovery of $500K wife took from our joint account where she banked in my insurance money and then transferred into her account

2. telling children of their way ward mom.

3. where I will be settling down after divorce.

Me/hubby - 56 yo (medically retired)
Wife - 56 yo (VP of high corp.)
Married - 28 yrs
2 adult children - loves me more

posts: 36   ·   registered: Jul. 10th, 2017   ·   location: Singapore
id 8098077
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 2:23 PM on Tuesday, February 20th, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8099234
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 1:08 AM on Tuesday, February 27th, 2018

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8104263
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:47 PM on Saturday, March 3rd, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8108041
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:39 PM on Wednesday, March 21st, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8120685
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sassylee ( Member #45766) posted at 9:12 PM on Monday, April 2nd, 2018

Bump

My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor

posts: 11459   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2014   ·   location: 🇨🇦
id 8130107
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 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 11:42 PM on Wednesday, April 18th, 2018

bump

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8144853
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Atacompleteloss ( New Member #60688) posted at 3:08 AM on Wednesday, April 25th, 2018

Bump

posts: 37   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2017
id 8149427
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:30 PM on Sunday, May 13th, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8163985
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 7:43 PM on Saturday, May 26th, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8173301
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longingforhope ( New Member #63989) posted at 4:30 PM on Friday, June 1st, 2018

I’m so grateful to have found this post. Thank you for these specifics to help when the imagination takes over. I have been struggling horribly with this.

Me: BW (40s)
WH (40s, remorseful, doing the work)
Oral with SW mid last year (2017)
Escorts 4 times (2018)
Porn addict since before marriage (discovered after)
strip clubs apparently through entire marriage
Married 20 plus years
Four childre

posts: 5   ·   registered: Jun. 1st, 2018
id 8177381
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PJswife ( Member #63619) posted at 12:45 AM on Monday, June 4th, 2018

Sometimes things are place in your path for a reason. I feel like the pendulum has swung. Have had a great two weeks and BAM the last two days I cannot get WH/OW thoughts out of my mind and the anger has crept into my little bit of peace. This reminds me I do not have to let my thoughts control me.

Me: BW 58
Him: WH 47
Married 7 years, together 11
D-Day #1: 3/14/18
D-Day #2 3/30/18, kept lying
Status: Reconciling

Character is much easier kept than recovered. ~Thomas Paine

posts: 137   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2018
id 8178713
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