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Newbies: Mind movies and dark thoughts - how to stop them

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Skan ( Member #35812) posted at 5:37 PM on Saturday, January 5th, 2019

bump

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 8309341
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Broken5152 ( Member #67694) posted at 5:51 PM on Saturday, January 5th, 2019

<removed>

[This message edited by Broken5152 at 9:21 AM, January 11th (Friday)]

posts: 98   ·   registered: Oct. 31st, 2018
id 8309353
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Daisy73 ( New Member #69257) posted at 2:13 AM on Monday, January 7th, 2019

This is wonderful I am going to try this!

posts: 11   ·   registered: Dec. 28th, 2018   ·   location: PA
id 8310023
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 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 6:10 PM on Sunday, February 3rd, 2019

bump

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8323543
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 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 7:03 PM on Saturday, February 16th, 2019

Bump

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8330578
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 3:35 PM on Tuesday, March 5th, 2019

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26010   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8339637
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 2:00 AM on Sunday, April 7th, 2019

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8358201
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 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 2:25 AM on Sunday, April 28th, 2019

bump

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8369534
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 5:47 PM on Thursday, June 27th, 2019

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26010   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8398349
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Chrysalis123 ( Guide #27148) posted at 3:04 PM on Tuesday, July 23rd, 2019

bump

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie

posts: 6709   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2010
id 8409454
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 7:33 PM on Monday, August 5th, 2019

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26010   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8415759
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 11:51 AM on Tuesday, October 1st, 2019

Bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8445369
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 10:39 AM on Tuesday, November 12th, 2019

Bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8466766
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Lost9420 ( New Member #71999) posted at 4:43 AM on Wednesday, November 13th, 2019

First of all, this is a great post so thank you for taking the time to write it out. I visit that dark place quite often and will definitely try your advice.

Second, please let me know if this is inappropriate or threadjacking, but I wanted to ask about handling the mind movies during intimate moments. For myself, my wife has refused to R and although this is NNN, I've found myself looking at porn to distract myself and to fill the physical void. However, I've been finding it difficult because of the mind movies. Any suggestions?

Again, let me know if this is inappropriate and I can edit and start a new thread or something.

posts: 14   ·   registered: Nov. 3rd, 2019
id 8467209
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 5:50 PM on Thursday, January 9th, 2020

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26010   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8493745
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 10:39 AM on Saturday, March 7th, 2020

Bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8521130
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HardKnocks ( Member #70957) posted at 12:15 PM on Saturday, March 7th, 2020

Great post! Mindfulness is amazing!

Another trick:

Picture yourself on a stage performing a favorite song, preferably one that you know all the words to (if you don’t know all the words, make them up). If it’s upbeat and you can create some dance moves—all the better!

[This message edited by HardKnocks at 6:17 AM, March 7th (Saturday)]

BW 30 year marriage.
DDay2 2/20 5 month PA
My Ducks are Aligned and I'm Good to Go! :)

posts: 307   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2019
id 8521148
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StillLivin ( Member #40229) posted at 10:56 PM on Friday, March 27th, 2020

Bump

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB
D: 7/2/2014

posts: 5955   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2013   ·   location: AZ
id 8527040
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 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 6:17 PM on Tuesday, April 14th, 2020

bumping for shegotmeagain

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8532197
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 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 2:50 AM on Sunday, May 3rd, 2020

bump for LLL

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8538449
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