Newest Member: girlangry89

Just Found Out :
Newbies: Mind movies and dark thoughts - how to stop them

default

harrybrown ( Member #59225) posted at 1:00 AM on Monday, June 4th, 2018

Thank you.

this really helped me.

it has been a tough week.

my wife told me that her sister was coming to live with us.

So now they go out and party together.

I really did need this. Thank you.

posts: 1060   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2017   ·   location: deep painful dark hole
id 8178723
default

 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 6:57 PM on Friday, June 15th, 2018

bump

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8187366
default

sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 11:43 PM on Thursday, June 28th, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26010   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8196453
default

Skan ( Member #35812) posted at 7:40 PM on Wednesday, July 4th, 2018

bump

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 8200002
default

After33years ( Member #61815) posted at 6:06 PM on Thursday, July 5th, 2018

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I needed to read this post today. The ruminating becomes unbearable at times. I will definitely try this method!

Always trust your gut.

posts: 130   ·   registered: Dec. 13th, 2017   ·   location: Canada
id 8200469
default

 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 6:10 PM on Saturday, July 14th, 2018

bump

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8206616
default

 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 8:52 PM on Monday, July 30th, 2018

bump

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8218340
default

ISurvived7734 ( Member #60205) posted at 2:39 AM on Tuesday, July 31st, 2018

I'm happy for anyone who gets any relief from mind-movies from this. For me, it's a joke. It's what I refer to as the "Scarlet O'Hara" method of dealing with real issues. She always said "I just won't think about that today....I'll think about that tomorrow". Kicking a can down the road is just what it looks like it is: rug-sweeping and hoping the problem will magically go away.



"I always look both ways when crossing a one-way street. That's how much faith I have in humanity..."

posts: 475   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2017
id 8218639
default

 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 2:46 AM on Tuesday, July 31st, 2018

Hi ISurvived7734, you are not the first person to call this "rugsweeping", and if you want you can find my rebuttal on page 4 of this thread.

You'll note that this is not at all about not dealing with your problems in real life. It's about not having a mind that is out of control.

You can practice these techniques when you need them, while also addressing real behaviors and real problems through thoughtful, careful choices made some other time, while you are calm, rested, and not dwelling on the latest trigger.

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8218642
default

sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 7:19 PM on Monday, August 6th, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26010   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8223336
default

TheGuy123 ( Member #59235) posted at 3:08 AM on Tuesday, August 7th, 2018

I can't really think of the said mention techniques as rug sweeping when it keeps me out of prison.

But;

After 7 years my old lady has made amends, but there are a few phuckers….well one... POS/DBL betrayal that's waiting for a beating!

If you folks ever see two old farts fighting...it is one of two things….a wife phucker or a parking space thief !

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 9:09 PM, August 6th (Monday)]

Once both spouses just stop caring...anything can happen and usually does.

posts: 719   ·   registered: Jun. 15th, 2017   ·   location: California
id 8223648
default

TheGuy123 ( Member #59235) posted at 3:14 AM on Tuesday, August 7th, 2018

Ladies and gentlemen I regress....the best revenge is to live life well!

Let our moral compass lead the way!

Once both spouses just stop caring...anything can happen and usually does.

posts: 719   ·   registered: Jun. 15th, 2017   ·   location: California
id 8223651
default

Nirvanagirl247 ( New Member #65701) posted at 10:01 AM on Wednesday, August 8th, 2018

This post was great to read.

I'm really struggling with my WS having a 2 year A.

At first it was visualizing them having sex that was driving me crazy. Did he do stuff with her that he didnt with me? Was she better in bed than me?

Now I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the intimacy part if the A. Them laughing together, sharing jokes. Them cuddling on the couch....its making me crazy and im having a hard time using some of these techniques.

BS (Me) 39
WH 36
DS 11 DD 8
D Day 07/18
Together 17 yrs Married 14

You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it

posts: 46   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2018   ·   location: 🇨🇦
id 8224553
default

 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 1:17 AM on Saturday, August 25th, 2018

bump

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8235679
default

 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 6:09 PM on Thursday, September 13th, 2018

bump

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8247020
default

sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 4:00 PM on Monday, September 24th, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26010   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8253005
default

 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 6:58 PM on Friday, October 26th, 2018

bump for Falc

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8274082
default

Nowandthen ( Member #65900) posted at 12:51 AM on Saturday, October 27th, 2018

This is just what I needed. Thank you to the original poster and thank you to the bumper. I’ve just spent a sleepless hour running mind movies in my head. Hoping now I can sleep again.

Divorced, and living a better life.

posts: 50   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2018   ·   location: UK
id 8274244
default

minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 1:20 AM on Sunday, December 2nd, 2018

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8292385
default

 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 9:10 PM on Friday, December 21st, 2018

Bump, forthelifeofme

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 8302770
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.000.20210918 2002-2021 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy