Newest Member: Maifurrypurt

Wayward Side :
Things that every WS needs to know

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NoTriangles ( member #35985) posted at 3:54 PM on Monday, January 28th, 2013

bump

Me: Finding my Sunlight
Him: Traitor in my Foxhole
Let go or get dragged.

posts: 1258   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2012   ·   location: a state of consciousness
id 6194403
suprised1

SandAway ( member #37775) posted at 8:50 PM on Wednesday, February 20th, 2013

Bumping from page 10

fWW
BH Tred
M 19yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people

posts: 451   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2012
id 6228171
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Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 4:46 PM on Thursday, March 7th, 2013

Bump

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6247757
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uncertainone ( member #28108) posted at 4:51 PM on Thursday, March 7th, 2013

This is a great post.

It's also very important that every WS know that if they do the work and fix the thought processes and patterns to become safe people it will be ok whether the relationship works out or not.

Hell, that's something EVERYONE needs to know.

Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth

posts: 6795   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2010
id 6247765
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hurting7897 ( member #34761) posted at 3:23 PM on Friday, March 22nd, 2013

YES!!! APPLAUSE HERE!!! I am a BS a little over a year out from d-day #1 and approaching the anti-versaries of d-days #2 and 3, and I just printed this out for me FWH to read. He is doing "everything" but sometimes it still doesn't seem like he really is. Even my IC asked me, "what do you need from your H?" and sometimes I'm dumbfounded and can't answer. I know he's doing everything he can, but then after reading this, it explained truly what "do everything he can" really is.

I am one of the "lucky" ones who's FWH truly "gets" it. We may just make it after all, and this post will help us get there.

Thank you again.

Married 20 years
Me-BS-51
Him-FWH-46 "healing4us2"
2 kids, DD 12 and DS 16
D-day #1 Jan. 30,2012
D-day #2 April 12, 2012
D-day #3 April 15, 2012
June 24, 2012--Decided to R.
January 21, 2013-Forgave him! Life is sweet
May 4, 2015--T

posts: 230   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2012   ·   location: Wisconsin
id 6268081
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pizzalover ( member #38336) posted at 8:29 PM on Friday, March 22nd, 2013

Great post! I plan on utilizing this with my BH. It helps me to understand what he's going through.

Trying to rebuild each day

Me - WW 41
Him - BH 41 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - sweet cats

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
D-Day - 1/24/13
Affair started 5/09

posts: 779   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 6268595
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truetou ( member #22809) posted at 6:16 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2013

Best info I've read in a long time...wish WS would read it and apply it...

maybe I'll print it and put it in his birthday card this year...dday was on his birthday...6 years ago ..he still doesn't get it!!!

posts: 184   ·   registered: Feb. 10th, 2009   ·   location: canada
id 6269557
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Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 7:53 PM on Tuesday, March 26th, 2013

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6273704
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Lowlow ( member #38653) posted at 3:10 AM on Thursday, March 28th, 2013

Bump

Me (BS) 41 Him (FWS) 42 at time of confession

Reconciling

posts: 879   ·   registered: Mar. 7th, 2013   ·   location: Neither here nor there
id 6275911
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BaxtersBFF ( member #26859) posted at 2:21 PM on Sunday, April 7th, 2013

Bump

WH - 49
BW - gerrygirl

posts: 6125   ·   registered: Dec. 19th, 2009   ·   location: Tri-Cities
id 6288940
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 5:03 PM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013

Bump!

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 6310042
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SurprisinglyOkay ( member #36684) posted at 12:55 PM on Thursday, May 9th, 2013

Bump

FWS me 38 (recovering addict)
BS him 41 AFrayedKnot
Together 10 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"

posts: 1168   ·   registered: Sep. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: 221B
id 6328769
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BrokenBill ( new member #39227) posted at 11:55 PM on Friday, May 10th, 2013

Well, that would be everything my wife is not doing to fix her mess!

Thank you for a truly great post here.

The opposite of Love is not Hate, it's Indifference.

Me - Betrayed Spouse - Age:43
Her - Serial Adulterer Wife - Age:38
Affair partners - 3 in 16 months (+2 more unconfirmed)

D-Day 18 March 2013
Together 8 Years, Married 6 Years

posts: 23   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6331249
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3kids30years ( member #38879) posted at 9:22 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

Bump - and printing out for WH to read. At least i hope so.

BW - 52 on Dday
WH - 53 on Dday
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm 2+ year EA/PA
TT until 2016 - why do they do that?

Trust is earned, respect is given, & loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any one is to loose all three.

posts: 668   ·   registered: Apr. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: NorCal
id 6339873
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Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 12:50 AM on Monday, May 20th, 2013

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6341991
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woundedby2 ( member #18522) posted at 4:31 AM on Friday, June 14th, 2013

bumping

In 2010 I divorced the NPD assclown who cheated on me with my best friend.

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

posts: 8027   ·   registered: Mar. 7th, 2008   ·   location: SoCal
id 6373588
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Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 11:53 PM on Thursday, June 20th, 2013

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6381694
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PrincessPeach06 ( member #39588) posted at 12:38 AM on Friday, June 21st, 2013

This is perfect! WS is being wonderful but I have often wished he could get in my brain and understand and this is as close as it gets. Of course he's not much of a reader and reads sloooow so I had to get the highlighter out.

Me (BS): 36
Him aka narcissistic psychopath (WS): 36
Married 17 years 6 kids ages 16-7
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

Filed for divorce 5/8/15

posts: 326   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2013
id 6381745
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stilllovinghim ( member #29971) posted at 7:50 PM on Sunday, June 23rd, 2013

Bumped for Pouring Rain.

“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

posts: 1944   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2010
id 6384562
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PreggoBS ( member #39622) posted at 10:49 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2013

Thank you so much for this post. This was my WH's response after reading this it:

Thanks. I just read it but have to go see [a friend]now. I know I've done or said all of those things (or at least felt them, but I think I've said them too) but maybe not enough? This is a good reminder. I'm not sure if I've told you how thankful I am that you haven't killed me in my sleep. Seriously, my world would end without you and even though what I did was so awful here you are. Like I told your mom, you are so amazing. Thank you for loving me that much. It means the world to me.

posts: 52   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2013   ·   location: Oregon
id 6385809
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