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Newest Member: Groholl

Off Topic :
Okay. That's it. I'm drowning.

Topic is Sleeping.
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 HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 2:53 AM on Sunday, July 16th, 2023

Y'all I'm here whining again and I'm sorry. I've been holding it all, trying to keep all the plates up in the air but today just did me in.

JM was hospitalized in October after not sleeping for a week or more. Since then he hasn't been able to work consistently. He has a woodshop and has been trying to get a business started. But he has a hard time being alone in the shop. He has been doing EMDR since before the hospital stay. His daytime symptoms have improved a lot but his nightmares have gotten worse. He has rage attacks (never at or around me). But that scares me for his safety as well as others'. Anyway, he is starting IV ketamine on Monday and our church is paying for it. So that's a really good thing, wrapped up in a whole bunch of hard shit.

I have recovered well from my surgery but have had a series of other issues. I tore a gastroc muscle in the leg I didn't have surgery on. Then I've started having pain in my right upper side and stomach. So far, I know it's not a kidney stone, not diverticulitis, not appendicitis, not ulcers, not a residual gallstones (had GB out in 2005) not pancreatitis. Still no ideas what it is after 2 urgent care visits, PCP and GI visits, EGD, CT scan and MRI and MRCP. I'm so tired of feeling bad.

I have a FT job and a PT job and our house is in foreclosure. Turns out we may qualify for help from a homeowner rescue program. So... Yay? Hopefully.? I can't even think about it right now.

Because today I had to stand beside my son as we said goodbye to his dog, Buddy. DS is 24 and Buddy was his first dog. We rescued him from a shelter with less than 24 hours left. He survived getting into rat poison a year after we got him. He helped pull my DS through some tough, tough times. As I was driving to the vet I remembered my Daddy making that same drive with me when I wasn't much younger than DS is. My dog wasn't too old but was suffering. My parents let me make the decision and didn't push me. We did the same with DS. And damn, it hurt. I realize how Daddy must have felt.


Just been a really hard day, week, month. Year.

Life.

Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4919   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8799568
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 3:05 AM on Sunday, July 16th, 2023

(((((Hugs))))). you have so much difficult stuff going on. No wonder you are exhausted. I am glad JM is getting the ketamine — I did similar treatments and they were very helpful for me. And I hope they get to the bottom of your pain— that is so scary and frustrating.

I hope you are able to get help to keep your home. Keep taking care of yourself. You are not whining. You really are carrying a Herculean load and have been for a while.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5817   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8799570
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 3:06 AM on Sunday, July 16th, 2023

(((((HFSSC)))))

Hugs my dear. I'm so sorry you're going through so much. Prayers that the reason for your pain is found and an easy fix.

I'm so thankful your church is helping JM. That's beautiful.

Losing a pet is never easy and being with your son through the process with everything going on makes you a truely loving person.

Chin up. There's a plan in place and all will be ok. ❤️

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25727   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8799571
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:01 PM on Sunday, July 16th, 2023

Not whining - these are real problems. Sending mojo and wishing you and JM the best.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 29568   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8799598
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:16 PM on Monday, July 17th, 2023

((((HFSSC))))

Sorry you are having such a rough go of things.
I hope the ketamine helps, I hear great things about it, and other psychedelic's for treating trauma, and PTSD/Depression.

Hang in there sweet lady.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 22 & 25
Married for 30 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20051   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8799692
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wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 8:36 PM on Monday, July 17th, 2023

Not whining AT ALL... you've had a rough go of it! Thinking of you all.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16588   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2006   ·   location: Somewhere
id 8799758
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 10:21 PM on Monday, July 17th, 2023

So sorry you're having such a tough time. Prayers that things ease up.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3498   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8799774
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 6:02 AM on Thursday, July 20th, 2023

Good heavens…so much to deal with.

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 8134   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8800140
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number4 ( member #62204) posted at 2:56 AM on Friday, July 21st, 2023

If you can't complain and kvetch over that run of bad luck, when can you? Seriously!

I've torn both gastrocs, on two different occasions (playing weekend warrior). It's really painful, but it will get better with rest and time. I was on crutches both times for about a week to ten days.

Me: BWHim: WHMarried - 30+ yearsTwo adult daughters1st affair: 2005-20072nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addictionStatus: R

posts: 1275   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: New England
id 8800262
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 HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 1:13 PM on Tuesday, July 25th, 2023

Well I’m still riding the shit wave here.
look

Saw my PCP last Wednesday am. Same day at work, I started with a dry, persistent cough and no other symptoms. We’re still hyper-aware of COVID at work (nursing home) so I tested myself morning and night…all negative. The cough continued and Friday it was almost constant and I decided I probably should see somebody. Ended up in urgent care and was taken straight back to a room for a breathing treatment. Never had one of those before, although I’ve probably given a hundred or more. Then I got IV steroids, which was also a new experience. They did rapid test which was negative for COVID, flu and RSV. The complete panel takes about a day to come back. So Saturday I get a call that I have Human Metapneumovirus. It’s related to RSV. Nobody seems to know how long it’s contagious. Symptoms might last a week, might last 4-6 weeks. It’s the worst cough I’ve ever had including the times I had COVID.

I’m gonna burn sage, prayer walk my house and maybe have an exorcism.

Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4919   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8800819
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 3:58 PM on Tuesday, July 25th, 2023

Well no one had that on their 2023 Bingo card. Yikes.
Take good care of you — that cough sounds miserable.

I hope you are on the "quick mend" side of this.

Sending healing mojo….

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5817   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8800835
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 5:15 PM on Tuesday, July 25th, 2023

Rest and take care of yourself. Prayers for a quick recovery.

(((HFSSC)))

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3498   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8800853
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 12:10 AM on Wednesday, July 26th, 2023

Hope you are starting to feel a little more human.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 22 & 25
Married for 30 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20051   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8800918
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number4 ( member #62204) posted at 7:50 PM on Thursday, July 27th, 2023

So Saturday I get a call that I have Human Metapneumovirus.

My grandson gave me that gift back in January. It sucked. It took me several weeks to feel 100% again - sorry to tell you this. There were times where I felt like I should have gone in to get a breathing treatment, but I didn't. Don't know why I didn't.

Me: BWHim: WHMarried - 30+ yearsTwo adult daughters1st affair: 2005-20072nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addictionStatus: R

posts: 1275   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: New England
id 8801113
Topic is Sleeping.
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