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Newest Member: Misery

Divorce/Separation :
I need help

Topic is Sleeping.

 Perdita1 (original poster member #67654) posted at 11:39 AM on Tuesday, January 4th, 2022

I need help.

I’ve come to that conclusion today as I lie here sick, throwing a pity party for myself. I just cannot do this.

I’m sick, my ex is self-isolating so I’ve got to look after the children who are not back at school yet, and I just feel so alone. I just want to be married again. I want a reliable someone here to help me. I don’t want to be stuck in horrid situations like this where I can barely muster up the energy to move, let alone put on a happy face and be a mum.

The divorce was finalised literally just before Christmas. And with Christmas and New Year as a distraction, I was functioning. Family were off work and school, people were around. Taking advice from friends, I signed up to a dating app to talk to new people.

Then my ex caught covid. That messed up plans for the school holidays. Family has gone back to work. I got sick. And the dating app is out of control - it’s so overwhelming having random guys message me. I haven’t dated in 20 years.

I just cannot see myself functioning in this post-divorce world.

posts: 94   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2018
id 8707299

TurnedTurtle ( member #65603) posted at 11:58 AM on Tuesday, January 4th, 2022

Please take care of your health first thing.

And maybe best to turn off the dating app for now? It seems like you have enough on your plate at the moment. Or are you really ready and desiring to connect with someone new? Perhaps just focus on your existing friend relationships to start... (Of course, WE are all here for you, too!)

I hope you find the help that you need, it is tough going it alone!

"Secrets have a cost, they're not free, not now, not ever!"

posts: 169   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2018
id 8707300

Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 12:53 PM on Tuesday, January 4th, 2022

Don’t forget your mental health.
There is no rule that says unmarried people need to date constantly.
In fact not dating for some time might be exactly what you need for the first months after divorce.
So maybe to eliminate one point of aggravation then remove the dating app and install a meditation or awareness app.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 10620   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8707303

EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 2:42 PM on Tuesday, January 4th, 2022

That was bad advice from your friends - your divorce just finalized... why the rush to date? My D finalized in Dec 2019 and I'm still not dating and don't know when I will. Sounds to me like you just aren't emotionally ready for it - and that's okay! You just got out of a lt relationship that ended because of infidelity and that takes time to heal from.

I know it's hard when things happen where having a partner around could be helpful - BTDT. But for me? I remember back to the upheaval and devastation my xwh caused me and having someone to 'help' with a temporary situation is just not worth feeling that again. You're sick and feeling low right now - just rest and recuperate and you'll find more solid ground to be on. I know it's so hard adjusting to the new normal, but I promise you you'll get there.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3445   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8707319

Happenedtome2 ( member #68906) posted at 4:09 PM on Thursday, January 6th, 2022

Please take care of your health and the health of your kids. Nothing else matters. Dating can wait. I am staring down the barrel of divorce as we speak and I can tell you that I would not be in any rush to date at all. Yes, it's nice to have someone around and all, but is it worth what you are currently going through? I doubt it.

You need to take time to process everything and to get back to being yourself. Hang in there !

BH DDay August 2018 :

posts: 509   ·   registered: Nov. 23rd, 2018
id 8707931

twicefooled ( member #42976) posted at 4:57 PM on Thursday, January 6th, 2022

Big hugs.

I stayed away from dating for 2 full years after leaving my marriage. I was so jaded and bitter that I wasn't good for a new healthy partner. I took that time to nurture the children (they were 5 and 9 at the time), my family relationships and my close friendships. Once I started feeling mentally better and that my own little world felt mended, then I ventured out into the dating world.

I was with my ex for 16 yrs. My last first date (with him) was 1998 and we split in 2014. Dating is very different, but I enjoy it. But I only enjoy it because I now know my new self well and knew what I was not willing to tolerate anymore.

You do you. Take care of yourself. If you want to date, great. If you don't, great. No one but you gets to decide that.

May 29 2021 ***reclaimed myself and decided to delete my story with my ex because I'm now 7 years free from him and mentally healthier than I've been in years.

*********When you know better, you can do better*************

posts: 461   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2014
id 8707950

Tigersrule77 ( member #47339) posted at 5:49 PM on Thursday, January 6th, 2022

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

I would agree with others who said turn off the dating app. Focus on yourself for a bit. Sounds like your plate is full. Try to do what YOU want with your time. Worry about dating when things calm down a bit.

On a side note, if your dating app is blowing up, I'm hoping that means others are finding you interesting!

posts: 1593   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2015   ·   location: Maryland
id 8707966

outofsorts ( member #70701) posted at 3:14 AM on Saturday, January 8th, 2022

Just checking in Perdita..... How are you doing today?


Me(BW): 40WH: 40 Married 7 years, together 20.
Dday 2/22/19 Reconciling

posts: 401   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2019
id 8708460
Topic is Sleeping.
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