Newest Member: DurhamDurham


"Secrets have a cost, they're not free, not now, not ever!"

Mediation -> Agreement

Had divorce mediation this morning, and we've settled. I'll transfer about 22% of my retirement savings to her IRA. No ongoing commitment of support, in either direction... We've got some relatively minor business transition stuff and personal property retrieval to take care of, and she'll let me store my boat at her place at less-than-market rates for up to two years so I have time to find a new home for it, but otherwise we're done. Our lawyers will be writing up the agreement, and once we've both signed, they'll initiate the divorce filing with the court, we'll have an initial hearing with the court where we say "Yeah, this is our agreement," and ~60 days after that it should be finalized.



I am still sad.... crying

13 comments posted: Wednesday, May 11th, 2022

Separated, divorce likely in the first quarter of 2022

My DDay1, discovering my STBXWW's asymmetric emotional affair/crush/limmerance with OM was about 3-1/2 years ago. DDay2, coming to the realization that my marriage was a mixed-orientation one as my STBXWW is "ace," was about 2-1/2 years ago. It's been a tough several years.

Neither of us seeing any acceptable resolution to our issues, we decided to separate about two months ago, after 32 years living together, 28 married -- I started looking for a new place to live back in my home state right away and am under contract to buy an historic old house, closing mid-January. I have been staying nearby with my Dad in the interim, with a couple trips back to STBXWW's place to take care of business (we were "partners" in two businesses, as well as in life).

Fortunately our son is now an independent self-supporting adult, and he seems to be OK with our separating.

While the division of assets should be pretty straightforward, both STBXWW and I have each retained attorneys to help us mediate the process. We're waiting to close the books on 2021 to know better where we stand on the businesses before proceeding -- and I'm waiting on STBXWW to make decisions on certain options before us (her), too.

I can't wait to get in to my "new" house, so I can move my tools and other belongings out of STBXWW's place, set up shop and get to work on fixing the place up (it needs it!). To facilitate the moving and hauling of materials I'll need once I start fixing my place up, I just traded my VW in on a "new" pickup truck (my Christmas present to myself).

I love that woman very much but the fundamental incompatibility between us has haunted our marriage for decades. Her infidelity and betrayal (lying about, hiding, and covering up of her affair) certainly didn't help. There is no going back....

So I am looking forward to the future, starting my life over from scratch as it were at the age of 59, full of possibilities!

19 comments posted: Saturday, December 18th, 2021

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