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Perdita1

Missing WS

So, WS and I are separated and going through the D process. I finally told my parents what he did to me...and my dad wanted to try and see if we could R. I mean, I really didn’t need that. I shut it down pretty quickly.

But sometimes...sometimes I really wish R was on the table. I can see WS was trying before, even if it wasn’t enough for me (should it have been??). I miss being part of a couple. I miss having my kids all the time. I miss not feeling alone in social situations. I miss not being alone.

It’s so silly. He betrayed me. He hurt me so much I can’t bear it. He still makes hurtful comments about how I ‘had too many children’ (we had three).

Anyone relate?

14 comments posted: Tuesday, August 3rd, 2021

Kids and the ‘more fun’ house

I’m not sure if this is the right place for this but if anyone has any input I’d appreciate it...

So STBXWH moved out a few weeks ago. My DD9 just told me that she prefers STBX’s house because it’s more fun - he got them new pets and lets them have sweets for breakfast. I understand the pet thing. But sweets for breakfast annoys the heck out of me. This is on top of knowing that he’s definitely letting them have more screen time than would be usual if we still lived together.

I know divorce means I give up some control over my kids, especially when I’ve been the primary caregiver for so long. I know there is nothing I can do unless the kids are in actual danger. I’m just so angry about it. He cheats, yet I lose time and influence with my kids. He gets to be fun and I get to be the boring one, enforcing rules and boundaries as before. I feel like I no longer matter. What’s the point of me being around?

15 comments posted: Friday, July 2nd, 2021

Kids and the ‘more fun’ house

Duplicate post

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:09 PM, July 2nd (Friday)]

0 comment posted: Friday, July 2nd, 2021

Friends not having time

I told one of our mutual friends today (over text for various reasons). Just about the divorce happening, no details. He said to call anytime, but then when I said I’d call once the children were settled he asked me to call tomorrow as he has work to do tonight and he wants to make sure he can focus on me.

So I’m feeling...snubbed? Lost? Worried that this old friend is about to drop me? Worried that said friend is going to get the story out of STBXWH first and then side with him? I just think if one of my oldest friends told me this kind of news I would drop everything to be there for them.

This whole situation is so hard. I don’t want to lose more people.

8 comments posted: Sunday, June 20th, 2021

Moving out

Sorry for the avalanche of posts recently.

STBX should be moving out tomorrow. I am teary and panicky. It’s going to be real. The children will just have me tomorrow night. Why am I doing this?

12 comments posted: Tuesday, June 8th, 2021

Feeling horrible about disclosure

So I’m in the middle of sorting out financial disclosure. And I just feel so...violated I guess is the word. Particularly that I have to put out on paper my spending. And then STBXWH’s lawyers are going to pick over it. I know it has to be done but I’m so angry with my STBXWH for putting me in this position. Anyone else feel like that?

7 comments posted: Monday, June 7th, 2021

Kids looking for a reason - what to say?

So we told the kids a few days ago. My 9 year old was really pressuring me today to explain why. I talked about how relationships change, stressed that it was an adult decision for adult reasons and could not be any of the children’s fault, talked about how mummy and daddy will see if things work better if we live in separate houses...but nothing was enough for her. Any ideas for what to say that is both true and age-appropriate? She seems very scared of the idea that mummy and daddy don’t like each other any more. I told her I would think about the best way to explain it to her and get back to her.

23 comments posted: Wednesday, June 2nd, 2021

Telling parents...any advice?

Gearing up to tell my parents about the D. Any advice? I expect they will be blindsided by the news.

6 comments posted: Thursday, May 27th, 2021

Can someone help me?

So it’s been over three years since I found out that in the preceding 5 years my WH was using prostitutes and strippers. Three years where I’ve got myself in a place ready to D.

I tried to R, but I always had D in the back of my mind. For a long time I felt that I should D. We have three young children.

And now, my WH is pushing for D. And I am a wreck. I thought I had more time. I still think he should give me more time to recover. I was getting better. It might still work.

But he says he’s too tired and anxious to fight anymore. He says I don’t love him and while he cares about me, he no longer loves me. (That hurt to write.) Says we are incompatible (we’ve been together for 20 years.)

We had a conversation last night about finances. He was livid when I asked him to account for the money he had spent on his habit. Called me petty. Said that if I act like that he would fight and I would have to pay out for the kids and I would lose lots of money.

I just cannot cope. I don’t want to not see my kids every day. I don’t want this family unit to break up. Yet I know I am pathetic for still wanting to try and save this. My pride is in tatters.

I am all alone. I have one friend in the country who knows about this. No-one else in the country knows.

25 comments posted: Sunday, April 25th, 2021

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