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Just Found Out :
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 GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 2:25 PM on Friday, September 17th, 2021

He leaves NY tonight (Fri) and returns on Sunday. He is in NY for a 2 weeks vacation with the AP.

I am hoping to talk with him on Sunday when he returns as I do not want to talk to him while he is at her home.

posts: 58   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2021
id 8688962
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 7:35 PM on Friday, September 17th, 2021

If you're planning to talk to him, expect little to come from it. He's in the throes of his lurve, so I doubt any rational logic will make much of a dent. If he also hired a nasty lawyer, be careful of what he had been advised to do. He doesn't want anything breaking his fantasy bubble so be prepared for lots of resistance, more gaslighting or blameshifting.

[This message edited by Forks027 at 7:49 PM, Friday, September 17th]

posts: 276   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8689069
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HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 7:59 PM on Friday, September 17th, 2021

You talking to him is just going to create more hurt. You have an attorney, why don't you just let him deal with the attorney.

You said you hate him, he is in NY with the SLORE. Nothing really to talk about.

posts: 1187   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8689074
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 GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 3:04 PM on Saturday, September 18th, 2021

We want to tell the lawyers what we want. So there is no contest from either. Once there is contest, the only people who benefit are the lawyers.

posts: 58   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2021
id 8689155
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justabrokendream ( member #3075) posted at 4:01 PM on Saturday, September 18th, 2021

You said he hired a "nasty" lawyer. My bet is he doesn't care about the money it would cost for his lawyer, but what it will cost him for support. I guess as long as you and your lawyer accede to his and his lawyer's demands it would be amenable, however you are going to end up getting hosed. You need to go in from a position of strength, you are going into it from a position of weakness. Please realize he does not have you (or your son's) best interests at heart. He's looking forward to his "new" life.

posts: 480   ·   registered: Jan. 3rd, 2004   ·   location: CA
id 8689161
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Walkthestorm ( member #72157) posted at 5:55 PM on Saturday, September 18th, 2021

I agree with justabrokendream.

Also, you need to look at this from his perspective.

He is eager to start a new life with a woman who lives in another continent. NYC is expensive if he was to move there. To move her and her kid to Singapore is expensive too. If they choose to commute, that is expensive too. He will need all the money he can get to support himself, her and her kid and not lowering his standard of living. He would even opt for a new lifestyle to woe the OW which means more money.

Your son is a teenager. He figures he will pay CS and for higher education but then he is off the hook in a few years.

Now its only you left. He has made you the villan of his life to give him self permission to do what he is doing. I am 99% certain he thinks he does not own you a dime since he supported you while you were at SAHM barf . This man feel entitled to your marital money and he has hired a mean lawyer for a reason. I bet money on he has hidden accests too. And don't forget the OW is right there patting him on the shoulder to push through.

My best advice is to hier a shark lawyer, hier an accountant and fight with all you have. Don't count on talking sense into him. His sense has checked out long ago. Believe the collected visdom on this site and take the advice seriously.

posts: 70   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2019
id 8689175
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BlueRaspberry ( member #76065) posted at 6:53 PM on Saturday, September 18th, 2021

My best advice is to hier a shark lawyer, hier an accountant and fight with all you have. Don't count on talking sense into him. His sense has checked out long ago.

This ^^^^^

posts: 234   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8689194
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 7:08 PM on Saturday, September 18th, 2021

And what happens when he doesn’t agree to what is fair? Or what you want?

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10878   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8689197
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LostInHisFog ( member #78503) posted at 2:04 AM on Sunday, September 19th, 2021

We want to tell the lawyers what we want. So there is no contest from either. Once there is contest, the only people who benefit are the lawyers.

You have the wrong attitude about lawyers. It should be your fulltime job right now finding an equally vicious lawyer. As soon as you get up in the morning you should be investigating the good ones and giving them a call.

You have been blind to your WH actions from the moment he left on his first week getaway with OW. I get it, BS hold onto the image of their dream spouse of yesteryear without facing the cold hard reality of what they are now. You are again ignoring his actions and still believe he is a fair man who loves you and your son yet he hasn't acted that way since the start of the year.

Someone just doesn't accidentally hire the shark lawyer, that requires as much effort as having an affair, it requires time and effort to find the shark lawyers and then longer to wait until their available. If he has hired a popular shark lawyer he has been planning this for longer than you realize. My shark lawyer I had to wait for almost 8 months until I got him.

The OW and your WH sound greedy and they will be fighting for what suits them the most, not you. If you carry the false belief this will be a quick non-contested divorce you are going to be blindsided again. If you blame the lawyers you will not have anyone on your side to fight for your rights.

I edit because I'm fluent in typo & autocorrect hates me.

posts: 216   ·   registered: Mar. 14th, 2021
id 8689224
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scaredwoman ( member #78680) posted at 6:28 PM on Tuesday, September 28th, 2021

How are you doing GShale? Is he back, and have you made any decisions on how to proceed?

posts: 195   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2021
id 8690672
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 GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 5:59 AM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Hi scaredwoman, he is back but still in quarantine gets out in a few days. Was working on the papers with my lawyer this week and hope to get it to my husband in the next few days. Then negotiation starts. Hopefully he agrees to my requests.

I am just teary everyday, mostly the mornings because I do not want to cry around our son when he is home. I miss my family and am still wondering what the hell happened.

Will be viewing couple of apartments tomorrow and then to get ready for the next chapter of our lives.

[This message edited by GShale at 12:12 PM, Wednesday, September 29th]

posts: 58   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2021
id 8690812
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 10:03 AM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

I’m sad for you. But you will survive thus. We all do. 🥲

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10878   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8690815
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 GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 7:24 AM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

We have no other choice but to survive. To somehow start a new chapter no matter how much it hurts.

posts: 58   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2021
id 8690997
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 10:50 AM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

Hugs to you GShale.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10878   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8691007
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scaredwoman ( member #78680) posted at 3:59 PM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

Hugs. Take each day as it comes and breathe through it.

posts: 195   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2021
id 8691049
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 GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 4:09 PM on Thursday, October 28th, 2021

So I sent him the draft Interim Judgement almost 3 weeks ago and have not heard back from him about it. The only thing he’s said is he is waiting to hear from his lawyer. Which is very odd because it should not take this long.

I am unsure what game he is playing or if he is going to change his mind on what we verbally agreed on. I am now getting very annoyed at how he is playing me.

Our son has his one week term break this week and I asked the cheating husband if he was going to take a day off to hangout with our son and his reply is "I can’t, I am out of leave". He easily took a total of 3 weeks to go to NY to see his whore but cannot take a day to see his own son.

posts: 58   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2021
id 8695404
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Walkthestorm ( member #72157) posted at 4:26 PM on Thursday, October 28th, 2021

GShale do you have a lawyer that represents only you? This man is a stranger to you and you need to treat him accordingly.

I feel terrible for your son. This shows what his priorities are. He does not see it now but his actions are gonna impact his relationship with his son in the future. So so sad.

posts: 70   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2019
id 8695408
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Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 11:47 PM on Thursday, October 28th, 2021

One of two things will happen. Either he is willing to give up his son and not see him again in which case he is a sociopath and you are better off without him. Or he wakes up from the stupid middle-age crap he’s in and realizes what he’s doing but I wouldn’t bank on it if I were you.

Get a bulldog for a lawyer and stick it to him. He has no right to treat you this way but most definitely not to treat his child this way.

[This message edited by Cooley2here at 11:48 PM, Thursday, October 28th]

To thine own self be true. Shakespeare

posts: 2998   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8695506
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Sofarsogood ( member #71991) posted at 2:38 AM on Friday, October 29th, 2021

Ok, if he is not willing to make the effort to see his son, you realize where his priorities lie. Make what you want as a priority. To heck with him and do what you need to do for you and your son.

posts: 291   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8695528
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 GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 2:49 PM on Friday, October 29th, 2021

He is coming at 9am tomorrow (Sat) to pick our son up for a walk at the wetland reserves. What they used to do on a regular basis before this whole fiasco. Both of them are nature lovers. Our son is not looking forward to it. He does not want to go but I think he will be more relaxed once they are out there.

Yes I do have my own lawyer. He was recommended by a dear friend who is also a lawyer.

I have been very teary the past couple of days and I think it’s because of the thought of seeing him again. I may just have my son wait for him outside. I just want this all to be done and over with. This is just so exhausting.

posts: 58   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2021
id 8695641
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