Walkthestorm ( member #72157) posted at 6:22 PM on Friday, October 29th, 2021
Hugs GShale, do what is best for you. If this means you don't want to see him then don't do it.
In regards to your son. Make your own memories with him and be the parent he can always count on and feel safe with. It is now your STBEXH job to facilitate a relationship with his son. We women (in general) tend to do a lot of emotional labour in our families by facilitatig and maintaining relationships between family members and even family friends. I am guessing you are one of those people. Your ex has now lost that privelage and must learn to navigate relationships, even with his own son, on his own without you being there to remind him, facilitate it etc. I know it is hard and you are doing this for your boy. However you can not control his fathers actions and your ex stepping up as a parent or dissapointing your son is out of your control really. If you feel you can't let go of the situation I would only text the ex info that the term break is during this time and not mention anything else. It is up to his to act on this information.
Edit: I am glad you have your own lawyer.
Hang in there!
[This message edited by Walkthestorm at 6:26 PM, Friday, October 29th]
GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 1:10 PM on Sunday, November 14th, 2021
Still nothing from him. He had a meeting with his lawyer last Monday. Sent him a text to follow up and he says he’s lawyer is working up a new, updated draft. So will chase him again this week.
I have no friggin clue what he is doing. As the days go by, although I grief for my marriage, I am truly disgusted with him.
I have been crying these past few weeks, just literally sobbing, but it’s not from missing him but just sobbing for my family and what I thought was a good marriage. But I am starting to accept it was a farce.
Our son is still not comfortable being around him or texting him because he says he does not know who he is. I am not going to fix my so called husband relationship with his son. He ruined it and he can work to fix it. It will never be the same again.
Walkthestorm ( member #72157) posted at 8:54 PM on Sunday, November 14th, 2021
GShale, you are doing good. just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. I am glad you are starting to see him in a different ligt. It is hard to accept but this man is now a stranger and you should be on guard to ensure you protect yourself and your boy. As for the relationship with his son. The ball is in his court. You be the best mom you can be for your son. Unfortunetly you can't control your STBEXHs actions.
Do you have a separation agreement in place at least so you have your back covered during the divorce process? If he drags this out, are you financially stable to hold out? Drafting a new agreement when you already have agreed on how to divide your assets does not sound like it would be in your best interest.
Have you done any investigation into all the financial accounts so you know for sure how much in joint assets you guys have that needs to be divided? If he is in the financail sector he has knowledge on how to hide assets and quite frankly I would not put it past him. Entertaining an OW across the world who lives in one of the most expensive cities in the world is expensive. And I would bet money on she did not fall for his unresistable charms.. He will need all the money he can muster to keep the farce with her at your and your sons expence. If I were in your shoes I would hier a financial investigator to find out if he is hiding assets.
Organic2003 ( member #69811) posted at 5:44 AM on Monday, November 15th, 2021
Thank you for the update. I am heartbroken for you and with you.
I hope the D goes well and he doesn't cheat financially too.
Then your life goes on to be blessed with your son.
There is opportunity in EVERYTHING
GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 9:01 AM on Friday, November 26th, 2021
We are negotiating right now and I am just wishing for this to be over soon.
I am so tried of this.
Walkthestorm ( member #72157) posted at 10:19 AM on Friday, November 26th, 2021
GShale, they want you to get tired. That is the whole tactic!
If it gets overwhelming leave the meeting and ask for a new one. Or ask for a break. If the meeting is long, eat something to keep your sugar leval stable. Ask for more than what you really want. Use that as your opening offer and negotiate from there. Whatever you do, do not agree to something because you are tired.
If they use other tactics to get you angry or emotional remeber that is just that, a tactic. If they are pushung for a respons from you but you don't feel ready to give one, don't give one. Just say you will take it into consideration.
Keep strong and don't let them tier you out. We are all rooting for you!
The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 10:51 AM on Friday, November 26th, 2021
Hang in there. Your child is counting on you to be there to fight for what is needed.
I’m so sorry this is happening - I know you are just devastated but I hope it is over soon.
And that you don’t give in to his demands. He has a child to support !!!!
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.
Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:03 PM on Saturday, November 27th, 2021
You are doing amazing! I just read this string, and there is an incredible strength that comes through. You are doing terrific in a bad situation.
I am sorry all of this garbage happened, you deserve so much better. Hugs
Legally separated, one more step.
GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 3:48 PM on Saturday, November 27th, 2021
I have had a very tearful day today. Tearful because I am just anxious of what lies ahead and grieving for my marriage. I still cannot believe this has happened. I am still looking for a place for our son and I to live in. He’s found an apartment and will be moving in before the end of the year. My son just mentioned today that many of his friends have started going on their holidays and he is a little sad he is not flying this Dec. Under normal circumstances we would be travelling to Europe right after Christmas. He has booked his flight. He did ask our son if he wanted to go with him but our boy does not want to go with him without me.
I did however book us a 4 night cruise in a couple of weeks so we are looking forward to that.
Wow I cannot believe it’s been a little over 6 months since I found out. I am exhausted. Make it STOP!
Happenedtome2 ( member #68906) posted at 4:08 PM on Saturday, November 27th, 2021
GShale, it will get better. Stay the course for yourself and your son. Do not give in to him or his lawyer just to get it overwith.
Your WH pissed away thousands of dollars that belonged to your family on this whore. Fight for what you deserve and support for your son. His lawyer will do his best to wear you out. Don't let it happen.
BH DDay August 2018 :https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=633451
thatbpguy ( member #58540) posted at 3:13 AM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021
He is trying to wait you out to take far less money than you are entitled to. Have patience. There are far better things ahead. I promise.
ME: BH Her: WW DDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I left; Divorced Remarried to a wonderful woman
"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis
As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...
GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 10:50 PM on Tuesday, November 30th, 2021
So he has booked a trip to NY again early next year.
Need to get this divorce done quick for my own sanity.
[This message edited by GShale at 11:48 PM, Tuesday, November 30th]
Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 6:59 AM on Wednesday, December 1st, 2021
Make sure all the bases are covered.
Like everyone says, they're playing the waiting game with you in the hopes of wearing you down. Stay strong.
Walkthestorm ( member #72157) posted at 8:36 AM on Wednesday, December 1st, 2021
"Need to get this divorce done quick for my own sanity."
GShale what does this mean to you? I don't know if I am reading to much into what you are writing (i read it as you wanting this to be over with as quickly as possible so you are ready to give into his demands) or if it's just venting or a little bit of both.
Is your stbexh sticking to your initial mutual agreement or is he pushing to change it?