Newest Member: Strugglinglady

Just Found Out :
Broken and lost

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TruthIsPower ( member #75776) posted at 4:18 PM on Friday, September 3rd, 2021

GShale,

He interviewed online for a job there the last time with the bank he works at. He did not get the job obviously.

This is the way Universe tells him that what he does is detour from what he should actually do

Sadly, it will be to your mental health benefit to accept his issues, your WH may not even be aware of them, he may just need never ending fixes. The sooner you start your own healing and your son's healing , the better.

I'll send you PM with several books that may help you to deal with your situation.

Strength to you!

[This message edited by TruthIsPower at 4:44 PM, Friday, September 3rd]

"Stop giving people the reasons to love you. Not all will see the beauty of your soul. Those who know, those who know who you are, will love you with something fierce and never let you go. Those are the ones worth holding out for."

posts: 103   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2020   ·   location: US
id 8687033
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Walkthestorm ( new member #72157) posted at 5:22 PM on Friday, September 3rd, 2021

He intends to move to the US from Asia? Were does he except you and your son to live? I think you wrote you relocated for his work but its not your home country. This woman has crawled so far up his ass that he is moving to another continent? Wow. Just wow! I feel so sorry not only for you but for your poor son. This is just awful!

While he is in lala land this might actually serve you in the divorce. Demand more and then some. Relocate closer to your support system. I agree FTG!

posts: 42   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2019
id 8687043
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ChamomileTea ( member #53574) posted at 8:32 PM on Friday, September 3rd, 2021

I'd call every Human Resources manager in his field of work in the entire state of NY and tell them that if he's applying that he has abandoned his family in... Singapore, was it? And if he's a foreign citizen who is in any kind of trouble, like avoiding your court summons or something, I'd inform the U.S. Department of State.

posts: 4596   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016
id 8687074
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 GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 5:40 AM on Saturday, September 4th, 2021

I am afraid for the next two weeks while he is there she would have put so much shit in his head he is going to be difficult when he returns

I hate my husband for doing this to our family.

[This message edited by GShale at 5:40 AM, Saturday, September 4th]

posts: 53   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2021
id 8687104
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 7:09 AM on Saturday, September 4th, 2021

I am afraid for the next two weeks while he is there she would have put so much shit in his head he is going to be difficult when he returns

And whatever she puts in his head is his active choice to listen. She's been married twice, but that doesn't make her an expert in law. Your WH is definitely an idiot and even follows the cheaters' handbook to a tee.

You've retained an attorney, correct? Time to 180 and entrust all future correspondence through your lawyer. No contact at all unless it has to do with the divorce.

Time to start taking care of yourself and your son now.

[This message edited by Forks027 at 7:30 AM, Saturday, September 4th]

posts: 273   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8687107
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 GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 12:41 AM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

I have a lawyer who is drawing up the papers. We are just sorting out details of finances now.

Talking to a Real Estate agent tomorrow to discuss rental and buying.He is leaving us with no home we can call our own. So I need to start looking into that, finding full time work and building a new life with our son.

[This message edited by GShale at 3:40 AM, Monday, September 6th]

posts: 53   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2021
id 8687167
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 3:00 AM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

You deserve a home without taint and with peace. One foot in front of the other.

[This message edited by Forks027 at 3:10 AM, Sunday, September 5th]

posts: 273   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8687181
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InRetrospect ( member #18641) posted at 4:52 AM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

All I can say is you are going to be so much better off!

What is it with men?

posts: 277   ·   registered: Mar. 15th, 2008   ·   location: California
id 8687194
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 GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 6:01 AM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

I am just so sad. I am so tired of this pain.

Both my son and I have been betrayed by the one person who was suppose to love and protect us. Why does someone do this to his family. A family he says he loves.

I am so scared of what lies ahead

[This message edited by GShale at 6:01 AM, Sunday, September 5th]

posts: 53   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2021
id 8687198
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Walkthestorm ( new member #72157) posted at 6:33 AM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

GShale,hugs! I know this is a surreal experience and one you never saw coming. At this point you just woke up in a burning house and are trying to get out and find a new safe place to stay and keep your self and your son safe. You are in survival mode right now. It's a rough time. It's a sad time. You just focus on taking one day at a time and trust that your lawyer will have your back. Surround yourself with people who love you and your son.Don't be afraid to lean on others for emotional and practical support. If you need medical aids to sleep reach out to your Dr.

As far as how your husband could do this... Think of him as a person who has been taken by aliens. He looks the same but is not the same. He is a selfish man telling himself what he needs to and making you and the marriage out to be the villans in the story so he can justify his actions. At this point no logic will penetrate his mind because it does not align with his wants and needs. The best you can do is NOT engage with him in any way. Let lawyers sort the divorce. NC with him at all times. Do not initiate contact. Use a parenting app to communicate about your son.

posts: 42   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2019
id 8687199
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 GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 3:50 PM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

Just spoke with his mom and she tells me that he sent her an email to tell her he is on vacation and will contact her when he returns. They usually talk every Sunday. So now he’s even not connecting with his mom whilst he is with the witch. She has managed to have him cut off from everyone he knows.

I doubt he is even going to contact our son to check on how he is going with his exams next week.

I HATE HIM!!

posts: 53   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2021
id 8687218
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 6:22 PM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

I’m sorry for you and your son. Your CH (cheating Husband) right now is in the Affair fog. It’s almost like the affair is an addiction. He’s acting like a stupid teenager in love for the first time.

Don’t worry about the OW - she’s not filling his head. In all likelihood HE is making these decisions and doing everything he can to make the affair his top priority. He is doing all of these terrible things to his family if his own free will (sad to say).

You are doing the right thing by preparing for D. He’s running wild all over this planet and you cannot afford to sit and wait hoping he comes to senses. Sadly you have to protect yourself and your son.

How sad that he could not have been a man and been honest with you. If he continues this behavior it will come back to bite him. He will lose his family and more.

But right now he doesn’t care about any of that. He’s "innn looovve" barf and that is all that matters to him right now. He doesn’t care about consequences or long term plans etc.

All he cares about right now is his affair. And when that blows up in his face (and it usually does) please do not expect him to admit it. After all he would rather pretend his life is "wonnnndderfull" with the OW than admit he made a huge mistake.

Typical cheater behavior BTW. Google affair fog - you will learn about affairs and the behavior and mindset of a cheater.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10732   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8687225
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TruthIsPower ( member #75776) posted at 7:29 PM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

with his mom whilst he is with the witch. She has managed to have him cut off from everyone he knows.

GShale, it may not be easy to not shift the blame onto WOW (witch OW). However, as The1stWife stated, your WH has a FREE WILL, if he's a matured man , he should be able to make positive choices for himself and others in his life. They always have a choice to say NO, put a sop sign. But their TRUE and embedded value , belief systems allowed them to justify terribly inappropriate behaviors. They don't even see it as inappropriate.

Again, it's not about WOW, but about your WH.

"Stop giving people the reasons to love you. Not all will see the beauty of your soul. Those who know, those who know who you are, will love you with something fierce and never let you go. Those are the ones worth holding out for."

posts: 103   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2020   ·   location: US
id 8687234
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 7:44 PM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

Wait, did you tell his mom the actual truth of his 'vacation'? Be careful about him setting up the narrative that you two just drifted apart or whatnot.

posts: 273   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8687235
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trustedg ( member #44465) posted at 10:48 PM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

Please take care of yourself and your son. This is not your fault, your husband is 100% to blame. He made the decision to cheat and abandon his family. Get the attorney going on it, get as much out of it as you can. Stop trying to communicate with him, he does not care.

Me BWHim WH DDay 12/2012Married a long time, in R

posts: 2308   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2014
id 8687244
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 GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 3:43 AM on Monday, September 6th, 2021

Yes his mother has knows since his first trip to NY in May when I found out.
He has not said anything to her. Just that he is unhappy in the marriage.

posts: 53   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2021
id 8687258
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 GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 7:42 AM on Tuesday, September 7th, 2021

We are suppose to celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary this weekend and he is in NY with her.

I know he is gone but just got reminded by my phone that our anniversary is this weekend. Made me sad

[This message edited by GShale at 11:44 AM, Saturday, September 11th]

posts: 53   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2021
id 8687368
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 GShale (original poster member #78790) posted at 10:28 AM on Friday, September 17th, 2021

So he is suppose to leave NY Friday night and return on Sunday. Hopefully he sticks to his plans and I can speak with him when he returns about the lawyer papers. Heard the lawyer he retained is a nasty one. Fingers crossed my husband has the sense to see how the lawyer has not been very upfront with him and is trying to make this a nasty divorce so he makes the money.

I would like to get the papers signed and move forward with our lives.

posts: 53   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2021
id 8688920
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Walkthestorm ( new member #72157) posted at 1:04 PM on Friday, September 17th, 2021

OP you need to accept that he is no longer the man you knew.

You need to do everything in your power to protect yourself and your son financially. Don't trust his good graces and his ability to feel empathy for you. The
man has made you the star villan in the story of his life and will treat you accordingly. I would not be surprised if he told you that all divorce talk goes through his lawyer from now on.

Do you have a shark lawyer of your own? If not, get one yesterday. And since he is in the financial sector get an accountant who can look for hidden assets etc.

There will be a time to process the emotional trauma but right now you need to put emotions and fear in a box. This is time for action.

posts: 42   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2019
id 8688947
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 2:05 PM on Friday, September 17th, 2021

I am in NY. In the city.

Tell me who I need to call. And if you want to private message me the attorney I can give you the details if I know of him.

So sorry for you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10732   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8688956
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