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Reconciliation :
Thankful Thursday

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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 4:46 AM on Friday, May 12th, 2023

I鈥檓 thankful that This0is0fine posted today. Since I was the last post, last week, I feel superstitious about back to back posting. Been waiting all day for someone to be thankful 馃榾

I鈥檓 thankful for some progress with my Son, it鈥檚 not great, but it鈥檚 a little hope for us. Today is 3 weeks and a day in the hospital. Still a long road ahead.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3037   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8790548
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 10:50 AM on Friday, May 12th, 2023

I鈥檓 glad you鈥檙e seeing some progress with your son, Tanner. That鈥檚 a hard road, and I hope you and your wife are holding up all right.

I鈥檓 grateful for my garden. It鈥檚 giving me joy at the end of a difficult school year.

Husband of 20 years had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Two teenaged kids. Reconciling.

posts: 534   路   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8790558
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 5:03 PM on Friday, May 12th, 2023

I am very HAPPY to see y'alls posts from yesterday!! I actually had a post to write about...but I wasn't able to do it yesterday...so I will thankfully do it TODAY!!

One of the BEST aspects in my life is being able to watch my grandkids! One of those instances happened yesterday when one toddler grandchild was still under the weather with sinus issues. They couldn't go to the daycare...so MawMaw was ready and able to take over!! Like most toddlers...my grandchild sure didn't ACT sick...lol...so we were enjoying our time in their bedroom filled with all kinds of lovely things that a toddler's bedroom has. Grandchildren are so imaginative...and it is so much FUN playing with them at this stage!!

We started playing with stuffed animals...and I was learning all of their "names". One of them...Jackie...was a cute puppy that was given as a Valentine's Day present. Suddenly...my grandchild decided that they didn't want to call her Jackie. Instead...she was going to be named LILY. Yep...that was the name of my H's adultery co-conspirator...LILY.

My instant reaction was SHOCK. WHY would my grandchild come up with THAT name...on THIS day. May 11, 2014...exactly 9 years before...was the day that my H first met Lily...after he had messaged her on Tagged...looking for NSA sex. I knew all of this. I can't forget it...but I can CHOOSE how I am going to deal with it. I decided that it was going to be a GOOD day. I was spending time with my precious grandchild...so it was EASILY going to be a GOOD day. Then...out of the blue...TRIGGER!!

I hadn't told my H that morning about what the anniversary was. I didn't want to lend any credence to what happened in the PAST. My H has been an amazing husband these last years...and I truly don't want to bring this up and cause him issues. But after this happened...I wondered if MAYBE I should share this with him? I quickly texted him...letting him know what happened. I told him I didn't need him to say he was sorry...because I knew he felt that way already. I just wanted to let him know what happened...and how it made me feel.

I put the phone away...and then heard my phone DING...with that distinctive sound letting me know it was my H. When I saw his reply...I GIGGLED. NOTHING but emojis...LOL!!! Sweet...cutesy emojis!! My grandchild had to come and see what was making me giggle like that!! So...I actually put in a few emojis myself...which was kind of refreshing!!

I then looked at Jackie/Lily again. It was a cute dog...and I don't know how it was determined that it was a FEMALE dog...but somehow it was a female dog. Then I thought about what a female dog is called...and I LAUGHED!!! I then shared that thought with my H...and he sent some laughing emojis!!! After that...my day truly became a GOOD day again!!

So yesterday...and into today...I am thankful for a cute little bitch named Lily...with heart shaped paws. I am thankful for being a MawMaw!! I am thankful for my PRECIOUS children and grandchildren!! And I am thankful for a husband who LOVES me and even more than that...he now CHERISHES me!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6541   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8790692
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 10:17 PM on Friday, May 12th, 2023

I actually put in a few emojis myself...which was kind of refreshing!!

I鈥檓 glad to see this and what a lovely trigger, a little bitch named Lily 馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ

You can鈥檛 make this shit up.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3037   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8790721
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 11:51 PM on Friday, May 12th, 2023

I was talking to my Grand Daughters the other day and the older one is in 3rd grade. She said "PawPaw I have a boyfriend". I said "what does he drive?" They giggled and said "he don鈥檛 drive". I said "I still have a girlfriend, because when I was in third grade I had a girlfriend named Jane, and we never broke up". The screamed in unison "That鈥檚 cheating!!!!" I said "would Mimi want me to find her and break up with her?" They said" no because she鈥檚 probably old now".

It鈥檚 so funny the things they say.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3037   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8790738
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 2:29 AM on Saturday, May 13th, 2023

I agree Coozann. Out of the mouths of babes!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6541   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8790751
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Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 12:34 AM on Friday, May 19th, 2023

It could take us until Christmas to unpack, but we are finally settling into our final house, the place where we will retire and keep our fingers crossed for grandkids. Close to most of our family, several of our good friends and also near the airport to do some of the traveling that has helped us rebuild this M with new adventures.

I certainly couldn鈥檛 have imagined this particular path to better days, but the kind souls of SI really helped us along the way.

Thankful every Thursday, and several other days of the week!

Married 35+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived. M Restored.
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." 鈥 Seneca

posts: 4630   路   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   路   location: Home.
id 8791513
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 11:13 AM on Friday, May 19th, 2023

Yesterday was exhausting, but I ended it very thankful.

My daughter is a senior at the high school where I teach. I鈥檝e been frustrated with her lately because despite being generally high achieving, she鈥檚 disengaged and has a huge case of senioritis and has procrastinated all kinds of tasks.

Yesterday a cohort of our seniors (including many high achievers) decided their "prank" was going to be breaking into the high school and trashing the place. I got there early yesterday morning and was horrified. The janitors worked all night, and still didn鈥檛 get it cleaned in time for school to start on schedule. The final straw for me was that they vandalized our FMD room where our most vulnerable kids spend the day, including wrecking a really expensive specialized wheel chair. I cried. I know teenagers do stupid things, but I was so, so disappointed in these kids.

All day I watched a parade of senior parents I鈥檝e known for years come pick up their suspended kids. (They didn鈥檛 even try to hide from he cameras!?!?) Emotions ran high.

At the end of the day I realized that not only were my daughter and her closest friends not involved, they were also part of a group who helped clean, made a huge appreciation sign for the custodians, and brought food and treats for them. On a completely unrelated note, one of my freshmen, dirt poor with a single mom who works food service, came up to me and said "your daughter made my mom cry!" I was so confused until she told me that her mom works where my daughter does, and apparently my daughter gave her a nice note and a big gift card to get something she really needed, which made the woman cry happy tears. (And my daughter isn鈥檛 exactly swimming in cash at the moment).

It was a nice reality check to stop stressing over the small stuff. She鈥檚 not perfect, but she鈥檚 a kind person who makes pretty good choices overall. I鈥檓 grateful.

Husband of 20 years had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Two teenaged kids. Reconciling.

posts: 534   路   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8791549
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 5:01 AM on Saturday, May 20th, 2023

It was a nice reality check to stop stressing over the small stuff. She鈥檚 not perfect, but she鈥檚 a kind person who makes pretty good choices overall. I鈥檓 grateful.

As long as they behave for everyone else, it鈥檚 all we can ask 馃榾

My Son graduated from middle school to high school yesterday. He has a self confidence problem, OCD, and ADHD.

He has a pair of jeans that look awful, they are worn out, they are a comfort to him. I took him for a new pair and although he tried them on and agreed, he refuses to wear them. Of course after he tore the tags off and threw them away. I took him for a haircut that he absolutely hates. He fought me all morning getting ready for the graduation. He was so embarrassed that (his hair finally looked good and his jeans were new). I wanted to ring his neck!!!!

During the graduation his teacher and the principal raves about how respectful he was, what great character he has. It was very eye opening.

He is a twin 14 years old, they gave him an award "Overcoming Hardship". His brother has been in the hospital for exactly a month today. My W, his momma hasn鈥檛 been home the whole time, he has had to step up and take care of himself, so it was a lesson learned. Notice and celebrate the good in your kids.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3037   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8791820
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 3:14 PM on Thursday, May 25th, 2023

How NICE to read all of the posts from last week!!! It made my heart SMILE to see these young people coming up in today's world...and still being AMAZING!!

I was PLANNING on writing in last week's Thankful Thursday thread...but other PLANS came out. We spent most of the day in a hospital for one of our elderly family members last Thursday. We brought their spouse back to our home to stay with us while they were in the hospital. They have recently been released...and everything seems to be going really well...Thank You God!!

TODAY...one of our grandchildren is graduating!!! What a difference a week makes!! Last week things looked pretty grim...but everything just seemed to work out to make it all BETTER. And now we are going to celebrate a very significant milestone...and things are looking oh so NICE right now!!

LIFE is filled with UPS and DOWNS. We ALL know that on here for sure!! How we react to it...that can make ALL the difference!! I recently heard a speech from someone whose grandfather told him that he could look at his circumstance and he could either make it BETTER...or he could make it BITTER. I have heard similar things before...heck...I have LIVED similar things before!!

I was very BITTER when I found out my H betrayed me. IT ATE ME UP. But after many years...I am no longer bitter...because WE got BETTER!! I will NEVER say his A made our M better. It destroyed our precious M as we knew it. But with the WORK we put in...for each other...our M is definitely BETTER...warts and all!!

One of the things that WORKED was actually an ultimatum I gave my H on Dday. I told him that HE was going to have to PLAN a FABULOUS vacation for us the next year...during the anniversary when he started his A. I gave him the dates of some of the "firsts" that he and the adultery co-conspirator had...first date...first kiss...etc. He had to plan something really SPECIAL on those particular days to combat the triggers I would feel from knowing what those days meant in his A. NOW...instead of reflecting on THOSE days from his A...WE think back on the day of that awesome vacation...and those days are now BETTER...not BITTER for us!!

For TODAY...I am so THANKFUL for having a BETTER day today than I did last week. I am definitely THANKFUL for having a BETTER day today than I have in the past too!! I am looking forward to having way more BETTER days...that will combat the BITTER ones!!!

CONGRATULATIONS to all the graduates out there!!! May this world be a BETTER place with all of these promising up and comers!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6541   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8792462
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Vocalion ( member #82921) posted at 6:27 PM on Friday, May 26th, 2023

Yesterday, May 25th was our 55th wedding anniversary, and although my WW began her yearlong affair just a few days before our 4th anniversary and was screwing her AP on our anniversary, it did not trigger me much, because I accept that some things cannot ever be changed We have traveled a long hard road together coming back from her supremely selfish and cruelly indifferent abandonmentof our marriage. She is not that immature, naive and limerent young nurse any more. So yes, we enjoyed a really great day together with loving kindness, empathy, true intimacy and a deep appreciation of each other. For this and all the effort it has required I am very grateful.

posts: 139   路   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2023   路   location: San Diego
id 8792754
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 9:48 PM on Friday, May 26th, 2023

What a milestone...55 YEARS!! Thank you for sharing this with us Vocalion!!

we enjoyed a really great day together with loving kindness, empathy, true intimacy and a deep appreciation of each other.

I LOVE THIS!! People take all kinds of different paths to get OUT of infidelity. The path I took in my 1st M with a cheating H was to D him. It was the BEST path for ME because he just kept cheating...and it would have kept me IN infidelity for Lord knows how long.

I started off on the D path when I found out my 2nd H cheated on me too. I was very familiar with that path...and KNEW it would get me OUT of infidelity as well. But I ended up going down the path of giving my H mercy...allowing him to prove that his ACTIONS would meet the WORDS he spoke.

Once he proved himself worthy...WE started down the path you and your lovely wife are on now. It is so NICE to be OUT of infidelity. But even better...it is WONDERFUL to have this AMAZING person walking this path with me. As I read once...TOGETHER is my favorite place to be!!!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY Vocalion!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6541   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8792782
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oonly4me ( new member #83377) posted at 8:19 PM on Sunday, May 28th, 2023

Thank you for this post. Feeling lost but hopeful. Hardest thing I've ever been through and it wasn't even a full on affair. 2 happy ending massages but the trust is lost. I am shocked and hurt. But trying very hard not to let these 2 times negate the last 34 years.

shocked and hurt

posts: 22   路   registered: May. 23rd, 2023   路   location: Washington
id 8792895
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 3:19 PM on Tuesday, May 30th, 2023

oonly4me...betrayal is traumatizing...no matter what type it was (((HUGS))). To know that the person you trusted MOST in the world to have your back...stabbed you in the back...the PAIN from that knowledge is indescribable. We ALL know that pain here Dear Lady...so please feel free to reach out...we are all here to HELP!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6541   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8793069
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Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 3:21 PM on Thursday, June 1st, 2023

My last Thankful Thursday for a while 鈥 but all for good reasons. I tend to take an Internet 鈥榲acation鈥 every year for 5-7 months, to stay off the grid and focus on family, friends and the M. Although I do still check email, which is linked to SI for updates.

Moved into our last ever house as we are set for early retirement by the end of the year. Still up to my ears in moving boxes, so that will keep me out of trouble for a while as well.

Love this thread, my second favorite thread at SI (next to positive recon stories).

I hope you all keep it going with good days, healing, and keep helping each other!

Married 35+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived. M Restored.
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." 鈥 Seneca

posts: 4630   路   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   路   location: Home.
id 8793367
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 10:45 PM on Thursday, June 1st, 2023

Oldwounds...we are sure going to MISS you on here my friend...but we are also very HAPPY for WHY you won't be on here for a bit!!! ENJOY those moving boxes...and the wonderful memories they hold!!

On our "One Thing" email today...it was about RESPECT. WOW. My H paid me the ultimate DISRESPECT by having his A...and planning to keep that secret to his grave. Thank God he confessed two days after coming home. Those first few days when he was back...were HORRIBLE!

RESPECT is something I am very THANKFUL for my H showing me now. You would think that would be something that was EASY for all of us to do...but apparently some people don't...or won't...show it.

RESPECT is something my H is very THANKFUL that I show him too! He lost my respect on Dday...it was replaced with disgust. But my H is someone I very much RESPECT again...WIN-WIN for both of us!!

It is weird how this Thankful Thursday is June 1st...the month I have HATED ever since Dday almost 9 years ago. My H started his A in May...and it ended when he left the adultery co-conspirator's country in the middle of July. But they talked to each other EVERY DAY in June...besides other stuff. He called her as soon as he got off of work...before he talked to me. He wanted to know what the plans were so that he could decide when and where to make his obligatory nightly call to me...and whether he needed to make up an excuse to get off early with me or not.

But TODAY...my H told ONLY me...good morning! He told ONLY me that he LOVED me! And ALL of the hugs and kisses he gave out were for ONLY me too!! That's a pretty GOOD start to this month!! I anticipate that there will be a lot MORE of that stuff as the month goes on too...woohoo!!

So for TODAY...I am very THANKFUL for the RESPECT and LOVE that my H shows ME...EVERY DAY!!! Here is to LOVING June again...I am so looking forward to it!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6541   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8793449
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 11:59 PM on Thursday, June 1st, 2023

My thankfulness today is because it was the last day of school/work before summer break begins. This has been a very hard year, work-wise. I lost my very loved, very experienced, very competent, special education coteacher last year, and so this year I鈥檝e been largely on my own handling some very dear, but very challenging kiddos (think many physical altercations, meltdowns, etc).

My last year this challenging was 2019/2020, which was also the year of my husband鈥檚 affair. In fact, I think part of the reason it took me four months to realize something was going on was because I was so stressed out by my job and Covid and a bunch of other challenging stuff that was happening.

I鈥檓 grateful that the school year is finished, but also grateful that we鈥檙e in a good enough place now that when I get exhausted or stressed, I鈥檓 not automatically worried about him cheating again or me not noticing something. And for better or worse, the affair and all the hardship and tumult that came with it have taught me to keep my job in its place a little better and focus on things that matter more.

Husband of 20 years had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Two teenaged kids. Reconciling.

posts: 534   路   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8793463
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 12:16 AM on Friday, June 2nd, 2023

I skipped last week on Thankful Thankful Thursday. It's not that I have nothing to be thankful for, we are just in a battle for our Son. I can't say too much but we have been in the hospital 6 weeks now and there is no end in sight. We are very thankful so many things regarding his care but I just don't want to share publicly right now, including with our friends our and family.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3037   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8793467
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BOAZ367 ( new member #82836) posted at 3:10 AM on Friday, June 2nd, 2023

Getting late Thursday east coast USA. I would like to say I am most thankful for my parents and wife's parents. If it weren't for their unspoken, constant support, I believe we would not have survived her infidelity. The odd thing is neither of us shared what happened with our parents.

Looking back after decades, I believe the respect we had for our parents was greater than that for each other. We couldn't bear to disappoint them. That kept us together. The example they set in their daily lives was a clear beacon as to what we should be.

We were teens when we got together married at 20 and 21yrs old. The lessons learned from our parents was from a different Era, far from our coming of age in the late 1970's. We may have been rebellious teens but had the utmost respect for our families.

We both recently had dreams of her parents. I didn't share mine with her. Mine was a recollection of a night in the hospital when he was a bit emotional. He told me thank you, you have been a good son in law. Historically he rarely showed emotion or affection, however was the most generous hard working devoted parent, husband,grandparent I have ever met. He had become my best friend. We are still grieving,
We still have my folks getting older, but still in good health. A slightly different dynamic with them but again strong moral upbringing.

I/we are thankful for the strong support from both families.

Noteworthy; not once in 30 plus years did any issues arrive

Her mom passed 3 years ago and her dad 1 year ago.

BOAZ367

posts: 33   路   registered: Feb. 5th, 2023   路   location: East coast
id 8793482
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BOAZ367 ( new member #82836) posted at 4:09 AM on Friday, June 2nd, 2023

Conclusion to my previous post---, I'm all thumbs trying to post from my phone.

Never once has there been any "inlaws" issues! We have traveled together for vacations and all holiday meals have been combined.
We are truly blessed in this.

We lost her parents over the last couple of years. Shortly after her father's passing I got a major trigger that took me back 30 plus years to d-day. We rug swept & got past the infidelity, but it's so fresh right now. Got professional help this time and found SI, I wish this was available back when I first learned of the infidelity.

Gratitude & great fulness are very good to help heal.

BOAZ367

posts: 33   路   registered: Feb. 5th, 2023   路   location: East coast
id 8793486
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