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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Menz Thread - Part 34

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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 1:44 AM on Tuesday, October 12th, 2021

BTW, after that extra year of ferrying him around, W & I were desperate for him to drive, so that worked out well....

Wife's youngest turned 16 in April. What a relief retiring taxi service has been. The last couple of years in particular were brutal because school stopped providing transportation to games as a covid precaution.

posts: 1367   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8692722
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WearingTheHorns ( member #37916) posted at 5:25 AM on Wednesday, October 20th, 2021

Got my next wedding gig lined up. My son and his fiancee came over for dinner the other night and afterwards we were talking about the wedding plans so far and he said they had talked about it and they wanted me to officiate. Damn near cried when I told them I'd be honored to. Still well up a little thinking about it.

Of course now I have to come up with the best wedding ceremony ever lol.

Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months
Hoped I'd never have to add this: Dday #2 11/22/2015 Not sure how far it went yet but have a pretty good idea.

2 Cor. 12:9-10

posts: 1035   ·   registered: Dec. 28th, 2012
id 8694103
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 5:15 PM on Friday, October 22nd, 2021

Well hey. It's been a hot minute. I kinda stopped coming around because I found that being here was sort of slowing down my healing and moving on. it was keeping wounds open and I really, really needed them to heal.

Which, tbh, I think they have. A lot.

The ex moved out this last summer. She pissed and moaned and whined about it, made a bunch of demands that had no teeth, and then just... pissed off. We have the kids pretty much exactly 50/50, which is what I wanted. If we don't count school hours, i have them more. If we DO count school hours... I still have them more, but not by much.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half now. I've been waiting for the honeymoon phase to peter out and go away, for the whole 'new person' smell to fade, and frankly, it hasn't. We've both seen each other at our worst 9sickest, most distraught, etc etc,) and neither of us is shying away. She asked me to marry her early this month, and I said yes. Her kids and mine get along super well, my mom and siblings love her, my kids love her, it's great. Best of all, our morals and wants in life are lined up. We've set the wedding out into late 2023, so we will have been together for about three and a half years before everything is set in nuptial stone, so there's that.

I haven't -really- written since November of 2019, and I am working on that. I want to write again, but now I have six kids in the house (my oldest turned 18 and has moved out, leaving me with four, but my fiancee has two kids) and my part time job is requiring closer to full time hours, so i don't have a -ton- of time to do so. I am remodeling my house, rebuilding my workshop, and getting everything all set up for being able to cruise into the future with a brighter outlook.

Anyways, I really hope that the last while has been kind to everyone here. I don't know how frequent I'll be, but I am glad that I was able to come here when I needed it the most. You guys are the best, and you all deserve the best.

Me: BH
She: EW
Divorce in progress
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 768   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8694641
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PowerGlo ( member #34132) posted at 8:59 PM on Friday, November 12th, 2021

10 Years and 1 day from D-Day. Never thought in a million years I'd survive but here I am not only surviving but thriving. Seems like forever ago but I can still remember the pain and anguish of all I went through. Just wanted to check in and let anyone know that you too will survive this and will come out of this okay. This website was invaluable to me at the time and wanted to say thanks to everyone here who has the courage to post. It gets better!!

D-Day 11/11/11
Married 27 Years 3 Boys
Caught Ex Wife cheating using Adult Friend Finder - too many to count
Divorced 1/14/14

Married 27 years...
DDay #1 11/11/11 - AFF profile with 10-15 boy toys.
DDay #2 1/13/2012 - still at it with the AFF boys.
1/17/2014 - Divorced
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

posts: 161   ·   registered: Dec. 7th, 2011   ·   location: NW Indiana
id 8698209
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Tred ( member #34086) posted at 9:17 PM on Monday, November 15th, 2021

PpowerGlo! Good to see you old friend! I remember your story well and I'm glad to hear you are thriving! Our DDays were right on top of each other, and I concur, it gets better. I'm in a good place now. I thought about doing a 10 year update but couldn't be bothered. Life's good.

Married: 24 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

posts: 5830   ·   registered: Dec. 2nd, 2011
id 8698582
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PowerGlo ( member #34132) posted at 4:01 PM on Tuesday, November 16th, 2021

Hey Tred, yeah I think we were two days apart for DDay. I figured I'd post a 10 year update but I was late by a day, thought it would be on top of my mind but isn't anymore. Glad to hear you're doing well! All is well here, married a wonderful woman 5 years ago and left all of that other stuff behind. 2 grandsons now who keep me busy. Life is good!

Married 27 years...
DDay #1 11/11/11 - AFF profile with 10-15 boy toys.
DDay #2 1/13/2012 - still at it with the AFF boys.
1/17/2014 - Divorced
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

posts: 161   ·   registered: Dec. 7th, 2011   ·   location: NW Indiana
id 8698684
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 9:36 PM on Tuesday, November 16th, 2021

Incarnate, I missed your post but just read it now. Congratulations on finally having the poison in your life not in your face most of the time.

I'm taking it that you're divorced from her or the divorce is in process.

Congratulations with the engagement. I remember the mind games you were playing with yourself when you first met her. Life must be looking pretty good to you now compared to the last several years.

Nice to hear from you.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4705   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8698761
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WearingTheHorns ( member #37916) posted at 12:32 PM on Monday, November 22nd, 2021

Well I guess this is some kind of progress. Until I read PowerGlo's post I'd forgotten the nine antiversary of my D-Day(s) just passed. I'm sure I thought about her cheating on those days since not a day goes by that I don't still have it at least cross my mind. A few weeks ago I even thought those days were close, but I just didn't associate them when they were here.

A couple of months ago she actually said something related to her cheating for the first time in years. A guy that she had a thing with a few years before we met where she was the OW had texted her to tell her he was getting a D. AFAIK this is the first time in years she's heard from him so I'm guessing he was hoping she was ready to pick back up where they left off. I'm also guessing they were texting when she was cheating on me and maybe told him about it so that's why he thought she'd be good to go. I doubt he would've an AP at the time she was cheating since he lives in another state. She said she didn't even bother to reply to him. I don't know if she was expecting some kind of reward, because all she got from me was a "good".

Anyways, happy Thanksgiving to all.

[This message edited by WearingTheHorns at 4:21 AM, Tuesday, November 23rd]

Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months
Hoped I'd never have to add this: Dday #2 11/22/2015 Not sure how far it went yet but have a pretty good idea.

2 Cor. 12:9-10

posts: 1035   ·   registered: Dec. 28th, 2012
id 8699606
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 3:29 AM on Friday, November 26th, 2021

Hey folks. I wanted to drop by and wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving. I hope everyone got their fill of turkey, with plenty of leftovers for the next week. I know I did laugh .

The new job has been keeping me hopping constantly, and I think I'm enjoying it. The outfit I was working for back then was big, but this new combined network is HUGE, and it's been really challenging getting up to speed. We deal with stuff now that wasn't in my area of responsibility back then. Not helped by the fact that they have about 5 distinct backend systems. When they acquired a company, they just folded whatever systems they used instead of migrating them to one integrated platform. Not a choice I would have made, but it's way to late to change it now, it would be years of work.

I read the all updates from the last 2 months or so that I've been away. So much positive... I figured I would throw my two cents in. I realized in mid-October that what with all the getting ready to end one job (and man did they keep me hopping for the whole 30 days notice) and start another, I had missed my 7-year antiversary. Usually around that time I take time to sit back and take a look at my journey. How I ended up sitting at my computer on a Monday morning googling "How do I get over my wife's affair", and where I've gone after that. It usually isn't a completely pleasant experience. When I noticed that I had gone right past the date without realizing it, I realized that I didn't much care. Yeah, ok, I still wonder what would have happened if my xWW hadn't made the choices she made before, during and after D-Day. Where we'd be today. But then, I tell myself, I think I'm actually liking where I am now more than I dislike it. I've upgraded my job a couple times, I am not tied down, I can do what I want, go where I want, when I want, and what they say about "You are responsible for your own happiness" is true.

And what is, in this moment, going to make me very happy is leaving in 8 days for my little tropical paradise on our instructor/dive master trip. It's looking like we'll make it this year, barring any last minute change in the entry rules next week (fingers crossed). A few weeks ago, I got the last bits and pieces (lights, batteries, arms, and floats) to complete my new video system, and now I am working on places to pack them, as my carryon camera case with the camera, housing, dome port and batteries/cables/misc already weighs in at 25.5 lbs shocked . The arms, handles and floats will go in the dive bag, and the light heads will get wrapped in clothes in my clothes bag I think. I am so not looking forward to standing in the TSA line when all that goes through the x-ray machine..... I always allow an extra half hour for them to unpack my stuff and to re-pack it. I am, however, really looking forward to getting the footage back and editing my first 4K HD video..... It's gonna be awesome....

So, once again gents, I will be thinking of all you bundled up in heavy coats while I lounge with my feet in the sand, sipping a beer or a fruity umbrella drink in your honor. Let me know which you prefer and I will raise one to you.

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 666   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8700223
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 12:44 PM on Friday, November 26th, 2021

I'm glad things are going well for you in the new company, tbkjcn, even with the learning curve. Have fun diving and the r&r with your feet in the sand.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4705   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8700285
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 3:53 PM on Friday, November 26th, 2021

Congratulations on the job. Have a great vacation! I'll have whatever you're drinking.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 27878   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8700348
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 9:46 PM on Friday, December 3rd, 2021

Just dropping in to say happy Friday gents, and wishing you all a good weekend!

posts: 31109   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8702479
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 10:58 PM on Thursday, December 23rd, 2021

Well, the vacation is over, and it was good. Been back at work for almost 2 weeks, and for being in the middle of the end of the year moratorium, it's sure been busy. I mastered the new editing software enough to turn out a decent-looking video, and I'm happy with it, all in all. It's all uploaded for friends who don't have a Blu-ray player (really? people dont play discs anymore?) and burned to discs for those who do. Now I get to go on call from Christmas Eve to New Year's Eve. Hooray. I guess the new guy gets the crap assignments......

I hope everyone has a joyful holiday, whichever you celebrate, or if you don't celebrate any, then at least enjoy your three-day weekend smile .

PS Anyone who wants a link to the video, let me know. I can't post it here because I am pretty sure it's against the rules....

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 666   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8705667
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DictumVeritas ( member #74087) posted at 2:37 PM on Friday, December 24th, 2021

I just want to wish all you guys a merry Christmas (if you're Christian) and happy holiday for the rest.

My heart goes out to those of you still hurting or alone. It gets better with time.

Your life is but a flicker to the cosmos and only the brightest flickers are recorded by history for good or bad. Most of us just want to live our lives without being interfered with.

posts: 281   ·   registered: Mar. 22nd, 2020   ·   location: South-Africa
id 8705798
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Tred ( member #34086) posted at 5:05 PM on Saturday, December 25th, 2021

Just dropping in as well to wish my brothers in this journey a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! No matter where you are in your journey, know you are not alone. We aren't as active in this thread as we used to be, but a lot of us are still here lurking like the ghost of SI past laugh

I did splurge for a new Shaper Origin handheld CNC router. Can't wait for it to get here and start tearing shit up!

Married: 24 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

posts: 5830   ·   registered: Dec. 2nd, 2011
id 8705982
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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 10:35 AM on Saturday, January 1st, 2022

Happy New Year.

I had to actually look at my signature to remember I'm also coming up on ten years. It certainly has been an interesting journey!

It is disappointing the long lull the menz thread has been in. I check it out from time to time, but most of the time don't really have anything to say, add or it seems like it has been too long since the last post. I sure appreciate all the conversations and help they provided over the years.

Busy with work and have/had a new GF since summer. May post something about "had" in New Beginnings once I have time to actually discuss in person a conversation we had just before she left for her Christmas vacation. From the conversation it seems like she is just looking for someone to bide time with until someone she deems better comes along. We have a common group of friends and in general get along well so we can still be friends, but I will not be in a relationship with that attitude. Simply, I will not be plan B though I need to make sure I am not misunderstanding what she actually said. Certainly not a Chinese parade, but this and a few other red flags so maybe it is a good time to move on.

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 781   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8706875
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TheHittite ( new member #43001) posted at 9:11 PM on Friday, January 28th, 2022

Anti-versary just passed. There’s been a lot of time to think in the past 12 years.

What is a marriage?
What is love?
What is forgiveness?
What is sacrifice?

Theirs was a gleaming white castle on a hill, the envy of those around. Beautiful, pure, and made with love that took and would last a lifetime. It was a place resounding with life and with adventure. It was a place safe to open tender and innocent hearts.

It tumbled down, crashing into a mangled heap of brokenness on that day. What other outcome could there be when a princess mines an abyss below the castle’s foundation, to look for forbidden jewels with ruffians, instead of tending to its upkeep? The work of building something enduring cannot compare to the thrill of hunting fleeting treasure.

Out of the rubble and ruined ground arose an ugly, black fortress, built solely to protect an injured heart from another mortal wound.

The banner flying over that fortress reads: Never love with your whole self – always keep a part back.

There are no tears at funerals now, even for those who were once close. There is only unfeeling, steely hardness. It is a cold, cold place inside that fortress. Even the memory of walking in the open air has passed into history.

On rare days, there is a spark of mysterious origin that flickers and lights the darkness. It wonders what could break down the ever-thickening walls and who could have the strength to do it.

Not him. He is too scarred from the battle and too exhausted from pretending on the stage of life.

Not her. She didn’t try to stop the building then and doesn’t try to find a way in today. Instead, she built her own dark and brooding fortress. There she hides, not from him, but from what she has done: "The thing that shall not be talked about".

Perhaps a different princess from a far-off land, with a tender touch and a warm heart, could find a way through the impenetrable wall.

But honour would not permit it: The stones would be replaced as quickly as they were removed.

And so, two fortress builders who once dreamed a castle to the sky carry on from day to day in a divided kingdom. There is no war, but an uneasy peace, and the land is not blessed. Instead of happiness, there is only duty.

And in the end, duty is why he settled on that day.

But the wasted land beyond the fortress walls cries out: "Was this prison worth the cost?"

posts: 9   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Ontario, Canada
id 8712475
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 12:28 AM on Saturday, January 29th, 2022

Wow this hits home.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2007   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8712524
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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 4:07 AM on Saturday, January 29th, 2022

Reading that makes me happy I walked away from the carnage to build my own castle on new solid ground sans the princess; who as it turned out was not really a princess at all.

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 781   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8712550
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64fleet ( member #18710) posted at 6:19 PM on Saturday, January 29th, 2022

Spot on

time wounds all heels

posts: 5541   ·   registered: Mar. 19th, 2008   ·   location: deliverance land
id 8712620
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