Newest Member: Dazedandconfused1978

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 4:43 AM on Saturday, September 28th, 2019

Should I send him one along with my response to his divorce papers??

UMMMM - YEAH!!!

Leather and studs works too for sure! I have a lot of that too, but always have to have some sparkles on me somewhere.

I bet if we could go shopping at the spouse store we would all be making sure to read the fine print and get the “doesn’t fuck other people” model.

Also the "cleans-the-house, makes-good-money, gets-along-with-his-family, built-like-a-lumberjack-on-steroids, emotionally-not-retarded, worships-me-like-the-fucking-queen-I-am, knows-female-anatomy" model. But maybe I am just too picky?

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3181   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8444211
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 4:08 PM on Saturday, September 28th, 2019

Welcome, maise! It's fin here. All hail Rashawnda!

HHADL, you are amazing and strong! I'm so glad you are keeping your relationship with his daughters. Send a the butt plug! That would be hilarious!

My fch is taking me to a fiber festival today in a valley surrounded by beautiful mountains. I get to fondle all the gorgeous yarn!

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8444324
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 4:34 PM on Saturday, September 28th, 2019

Coco you lost me at yarn.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8444326
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HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 6:56 PM on Saturday, September 28th, 2019

Also the "cleans-the-house, makes-good-money, gets-along-with-his-family, built-like-a-lumberjack-on-steroids, emotionally-not-retarded, worships-me-like-the-fucking-queen-I-am, knows-female-anatomy" model. But maybe I am just too picky?

I prefer the word discerning

Honestly, I was so deep in the fiercely self-sufficient role that Dee referenced a few pages back, I only had three requirements:

1. Make me laugh

2. Don't fuck other people

3. Don't leave me

Literally just laughter, fidelity, and loyalty - that's all I wanted. I think it's part of the reason why I put up with the crazy sex addict behaviors - I thought to myself, at least it's not other people, and he's still here with me. He couldn't even live up to those basics though

Coco, I've never heard of a fiber festival but now I want to go to one! I love making things, but work and life got in the way so I rarely get to sit down and do that just for me anymore, it's always work related.

Daughter and I had a parking lot picnic at her work... she wasn't working a full shift so she only got a 15 minute break but we made the best of it!

Happy Saturday everyone!

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 831   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8444354
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maise ( member #69516) posted at 7:52 PM on Saturday, September 28th, 2019

LOL I am def caught up with the fabulous Rashawnda, I love it when strangers can be the highlight of our days. Just goes to show how a little kindness can go a long way, we never know what someone else is going through!

Hi HHADL & Coco!

Thank you both so much for your warm welcomes! Ellie is pretty fantabulous, and SO funny! Glad we can include women in the KITD category since mine is a wife LOL. Speaking of...when I went to my first meeting at ISA there was a lady sharing about her hubs infidelity...she went on to say that maybe if he didn't have a penis this wouldn't have been an issue. I had to share after her and laughed in my mind a little bc I was about to blow her whole theory WIDE OPEN. LOL. The lez community isn't safe from infidelity either!

I'm not super caught up on the stories, but I'm so sorry for your trigger HHADL, and TG, no fridge? I can't imagine the horrors of dealing with that! I hope you all have a fantabulous Saturday! I have an exam hoping to get a nice glass of wine in and some free time afterward. WOOP!

BW (SSM)
D-Day: 6/9/2018
Status: IHS

posts: 857   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: Houston
id 8444366
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 9:54 PM on Saturday, September 28th, 2019

Welcome maise!

Glad we can include women in the KITD category since mine is a wife LOL. Speaking of...when I went to my first meeting at ISA there was a lady sharing about her hubs infidelity...she went on to say that maybe if he didn't have a penis this wouldn't have been an issue. I had to share after her and laughed in my mind a little bc I was about to blow her whole theory WIDE OPEN. LOL. The lez community isn't safe from infidelity

I’m so sorry that you have a need to be here but i have to admit this made me chuckle. Yes, someone can totally be a dick without having a dick. Lol

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8444396
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maise ( member #69516) posted at 12:09 AM on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

Hi DaisyAnne!

Thanks for the welcome!

LOL no worries! It was totally funny. I feel that way sometimes on SI also where I'm laughing and like wondering if it was ok to laugh, but hey, it's nice when we can considering the trauma of it all!!

BW (SSM)
D-Day: 6/9/2018
Status: IHS

posts: 857   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: Houston
id 8444423
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 12:26 AM on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

Coco you lost me at yarn.

I knit and crochet and I love indie dyers. I didn't go crazy buying yarn. Only got 2 skeins of sock yarn. The one I picked is called There's a Bad Moon on the Rise. The one my 12 year old picked is Highway to Hell. It has a lot of pink in it. He wants gloves so he can show off to his friends.

I got a stitch marker that says, "Fuck all the way off," in honor of all you ladies.

Yes, women can most definitely get kicked in the dick.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8444425
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 1:23 AM on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

OMG Coco - I don't even do fiber arts but I want a stitch marker like that

My newest purchase is a throw pillow cover that says Namaste the Fuck Away. I kind of want to find a bumper sticker for my car with that too. Can go right under my NO Grumpy Cat decal

How is everyone tonight? Hope you all had wonderful Saturdays!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3181   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8444448
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 1:27 AM on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

Ellie, my fch was so offended. He was like, "You really want that?!" Um, hell yes!

I want that pillow!

You can have custom bumper stickers made. I want one that says, "Prevent abortion, ejaculate responsibly." I want one of those magnetic or cling ones, though, which I haven't been able to find.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8444449
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 4:05 AM on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

Coco - check into custom vinyl decals. And look on amazon - they have everything!

Kinda laughing at your fch... what, the word fuck offended his delicate sensibilities?

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3181   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8444496
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heartbroken83 ( member #71395) posted at 2:00 PM on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

Hey everyone, hope your Saturday's were good.

This weekend is my lonely weekend, kids with there dad and husband working 12 hour shifts. Usually I would just sit home and watch tv and wait around for my husband to find time to text me throughout his work day. Not this week. I went to see a movie with a friend and then we went to applebee's after and just talked. It was so nice to catch up. I think my husband got offended a little bit when I didn't answer my phone when he called because his text were very short after that. How's it feel to not be a priority. Still working on myself but this is a good start.

Enjoy your Sunday's, I am headed to my favorite place, The house of the Lord. God Bless Everyone

P.S. Welcome Maise….It is so fun here. We talk crap and offer great advice

posts: 147   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8444568
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:02 PM on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

HB.

Glad you are keeping busy🤗

Me too. It helps

My son has three buddies over - I felt like an old woman when all of them walked around shirtless. Holy crap. My heart nearly stopped.

If you don’t hear from me again, you know they did it again and my heart actually stopped.

Ohhh. To be 20.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8444595
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HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 5:46 PM on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

HB, I agree, keeping busy is good! And you're probably right about his shortness, poor baby expects you to answer every time he calls don't you know?

This weekend I'm keeping busy too. I started out triggered as hell because of those texts from XH, almost didn't leave the house, but I'm resolved not to let this stop me!

Got to hang out with my best friend from college and his girlfriend yesterday who were throwing a party. And today I get to meet my best friend's baby!

I was supposed to meet her about a week after she was born, but I had a terrible cold and didn't want her to catch it. So today is the day!!

Coco, I LOVE your new stitch marker. I want a t-shirt that says that. And your bumper sticker idea is amazing!

Ellie, I have a shirt that says "Namastay in bed," but I think I like yours better. I have another shirt that reads "NOPE. Not Today." I used to wear it to work and then when people would come ask me stupid questions I would just point at it. Now I feel like I need to wear it every damn day. I thought I had a low tolerance for dumbasses BEFORE DDay, now it's pretty much non existent

Any of you ladies remember a while back - 90s or early 2000s maybe - when there was this whole campaign for the "right hand ring." It was supposed to be empowering to women, basically saying, hey, you don't need to wait for a man to give you a ring, you can buy one for yourself! And I believe the tagline was "Women of the world, raise your right hand."

Now I don't necessarily agree with the message of the ad - I get that they were trying to be empowering, but in my mind it pretty much just reinforced male entitlement/ownership over a women's body via marriage, because you know, she could buy herself a right hand ring, but she mustn't dare wear that same ring on her left hand!

Well, I did something to kind of go along with that, but also to throw it on it's ear. I bought myself a new ring for my LEFT hand.

I've been feeling really strange without a ring on that finger. I got so used to wearing one that it feels naked, and I found myself touching my thumb to the underside of my ring finger and rubbing it, oftentimes unconsciously. Once I would wake up to the fact that I was doing it, it would kind of send me into a spin out of sadness over everything.

Sooo, I decided to reclaim it! It sounds stupid, to reclaim your own damn finger. But I've been thinking a lot about it. That ring on my left hand was supposed to have all of this meaning. Love, commitment, fidelity, loyalty, a lifetime of working on our marriage, together. But my XH still fucked other women while I was wearing that ring that he gave me. He still betrayed me on the deepest level. He still decided that a lifetime was too hard, he would rather call it quits at a little over 2 years. So essentially, that ring meant nothing.

So now I'm giving myself a new ring. I know I'm not perfect, and I may let myself down from time to time, but I will never betray myself the way he did. This ring is a reminder of that.

I ordered it from Etsy, and it serendipitously came yesterday right before I was leaving for my friend's party. I had had a rough morning, crying on and off, and had gone back and forth with whether or not to even go. I finally resolved to go, packed up all of my things, and prepared to make the 2.5 hour drive to his house. Then I realized I had left something back in my apartment, and lo and behold, right as I turned the corner to walk up my steps, there was the mailman scanning my package!

First pic is from the listing, second pic is on my hand right after I ripped open the package yesterday!

The lighting is terrible, but the rose gold is gorgeous, and the herkimer diamond (white quartz) is so clear! And of course when I'm excited like this I just have to share it with someone, and who better than all of our womenz

So, raise your left hand, or your right hand, or both! Raise whatever, whenever, because we can do whatever we want. It's my hand, my life, I will wear this ring on whatever hand I damn well please! And now every morning when I put it on, I will remind myself that I am a badass!

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 831   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8444639
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 5:57 PM on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

Nice ring, HHADL! I don't recall that campaign. Sounds like a marketing ploy to me.

HB, glad you are getting out, having fun!

I went to yoga this morning and am waiting for my 12 year old to play football now. It's sunny and hit and there's no shade. C'est la vie.

Kinda laughing at your fch... what, the word fuck offended his delicate sensibilities?

Yes! He can stick his dick in another woman, but he doesn't like it when I say, "fuck." Idiot! He has always been offended by my "potty mouth." He didn't know how to respond when I told him studies have shown that people who cuss are more honest. Hmmm...

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8444644
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heartbroken83 ( member #71395) posted at 6:17 PM on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

I love the idea of the ring. I totally understand rubbing your finger looking for your ring and how that might trigger you. It is a beautiful ring. Maybe we should all get one and it can be a sign of the BADASS betrayed womenz thread club...lol

posts: 147   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8444653
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HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 6:29 PM on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

I found the ads!

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 831   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8444659
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BigBlueEyes ( member #71441) posted at 6:38 PM on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

Aww this little slice of heaven is getting bigger & bigger,

Welcome Maise,

Everyone just fits in like we were meant to be here.

If you don’t hear from me again, you know they did it again and my heart actually stopped.

I actually laughed a lot at this TG

however I didn't laugh at NO fridge for that long?? holy shit id be going crazy

Yes! He can stick his dick in another woman, but he doesn't like it when I say, "fuck." Idiot! He has always been offended by my "potty mouth." He didn't know how to respond when I told him studies have shown that people who cuss are more honest. Hmmm...

Oh Dear, if I had coffee in here I would of been wearing it by now!

HHADL, Beautiful ring, I'm glad you were able to reclaim 'your' finger in your own way.

Weather is bad here today, wet & windy so I've stayed on my bed cuddled up with my dog & kindle, haven't done that for a while

im actually getting to like this single life, no one to answer to, no discussion on what channel to watch, eat what I want, no sharing my bed...oh its the small things that have made me smile today

Me- BW, 47
Multi Dday's,
DB A's x 2 BFF
Multi ONS's, Online shit.
Serial cheat, Abuser,
D 18.02.20
Stay strong, just because it’s hard today, doesn’t mean that next week it won’t get easier!!

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019   ·   location: A tiny dot in a big 'ol World
id 8444664
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HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 6:38 PM on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

Also, this:

Yes! He can stick his dick in another woman, but he doesn't like it when I say, "fuck." Idiot!

The hypocrisy is palpable!

He has always been offended by my "potty mouth." He didn't know how to respond when I told him studies have shown that people who cuss are more honest.

MY XH and I BOTH had potty mouths. His favorite thing to say was that people who cuss are more honest... He would say it so often that I was like dude, you don't have to tell me that, I KNOW.

I believed him because of my own confirmation bias - I cuss a lot, and I consider myself an honest person. Therefore since he cusses even more than me, he must be honest.

Unfortunately that hypothesis didn't pan out for me. It turns out that pretty much everything he said with extreme conviction turned out to be a lie. So that passion that I fell in love with? That was actually his tell. Lovely

Coco, any tips for keeping your keeping your crochet stitches even? My grandma taught me how to crochet when I was really young, and I've always loved it. But I have such a hard time keeping the stitches even that whatever I'm making always turns out all wonky, so I just end up unraveling it.

Honestly it's still a good way for me to chill out. I could make a chain for a while, maybe even do a few rows, then just pull it all out. It's oddly satisfying to do that when I know that is the plan all along. But it's frustrating as hell to have to pull out a bunch of stitches when I realize there are a bunch that are uneven.

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 831   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8444665
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 9:42 PM on Sunday, September 29th, 2019

HHADL, Beautiful ring!! I love the idea behind it. Good for you!!

HB, I’m glad you went out and had fun!

I wish I could say I did the same but I backed out. Friday night I was supposed to go out with friends for one of their birthdays. Even though I felt I should, I just didn’t feel like it. I didn’t feel like faking it. Partly due to what the lovely reason I am here at SI, but also we have been having problems with my 13 year old. She’s getting cyber bullied and is depressed. I felt bad going out and leaving her home sad. :( It’s been a while since i hung out with my friends. I do miss my good friend (the birthday girl) and I am going to reach out to her this week. She’s one of the few people that knew we had problems 4 years ago. She helped me so much back then. She doesn’t know yet about the cheating and my current situation. Honestly no one knows exactly what we are going through. I am thinking I might confide in her again.

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8444732
Topic is Sleeping.
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