Another warning- This is literally "my cycle" in how I have come to terms with whom this person is. It is in no way meant to sway others in a any direction, fore this is my attempt at digesting my dark reality.
I completely relate to your guys' sentiments, regarding Epstein. This had been coming to a head, for a while...no surprises that it got rugswept. Funny enough, hes just an average guy, turned party planner. Nuk nuk Whilst supplying the party favors, he got caught spiking the punch bowl...sort of speak.
It just further proved, what I already knew...its trickle-down mentality. The Politians, police etc. are behind the traffickng and I do see my husband as this person. In regards to my husband- He knew about trafficking. I keep thinking "God, what if we had a young daughter?!" I wouldn't want him around her.
As we know narcissism is a sliding scale.my SAH is literally nearing Sam Vaknin... Most ICs arent trained in dealing with narcissism (they have limited specialities, I have noticed) let alone the alleged SA-that in itself is symptomatic (some have other issues, as well) of a much larger picture. They are master manipulators and they use therapy as a tool to further manipulate us. Most ICs read about monsters from books, while we sleep next to them.
I have known who HE is for a very long time, but I dont think anyone is ever prepared for this shit. There is a claim "narcs get worse with age". I honestly dont see it as getting worse (WORSE FOR US!) per se, I think it boils down to pushing boundaries (ie. Us Taking them back) and everytime we take them back, it just assures them that we arent going anywhere, so they push further. We get angry, they resent, they act out, as one of many ways to punish us.
It's the cycle of narc abuse...ie. the reality of the SA cycle. This is their process of justifying their actions to themselves. They arent as stupid as they would like us to believe- what they do is very methodical.
I put my foot down at seeing my husband as a victim, to his own devices. That's just enabling his abuse. I would have been a lot more sympathetic to his sexual abuse (sibling incest), had he told me when we were kids, while treating like a human being. I had a similar past. Now, I see him for the vomitous monster that he is. I cannot unsee what I saw.
Some would say that the SA's escalating actions ("acting out"), are an act in finality, but I dont feel most narcs ever whittingly do a final discard, without ample back-up/replacement in primary supply. It is a known fact that they can never be alone, they would self distruct. They are, infact the co-dependent ones.
Now that their masks have completely fallen (D-Day), all bets are off and feel they have nothing to lose at this point, as they (statisticaly speaking) continue to pursue other supply. They believe we arent going anywhere and they have been discovered. Our lack of action further validates the SA's delusional God complex. The 180 is our bluff and they will call us on it.
To give you an idea (as I am sure you all relate) of how really sick my SAH is; about a year ago, I came up behind my husband (while talking) in the kitchen, thinking he was my son. As I approached I quickly realized and sarcastically said "oh its you", as pivoted back to my bedroom. He and my son look a lot alike. At that point, He recently moved back after I kicked him out (more TT bullshit)..
SAH later admitted that incident hurt him so badly, that he went right to his bedroom, turned on porn, while Jacking off... (can I peel my skin off?)
This is how he rationalized it...what he really meant to say, is that he punished me, by way of his dick. Just As he punishes his druggy mother, incestuous sister, and I, by way of screwing prostitues. He sees them as disposable, vile and beneath him...this is what turn him on.
He punishes, what he sees as "mother" (me), by withholding sex. He isnt sexually attracted to Madonna, only his whores. Poetically Freud, in all his mysogynist hatred of women.
Side note: A while back I was watching a special about serial killers (my way of coping with abuse. Ha!) and it honestly scares the crap out of me, in that Narc-sex addicts follow a very similar pattern as serial killers. I was going to do a comparison, but I don't want to scare anyone new... Google, the seven phases, if interested.
In saying all this, I have one weapon of defense (as we all do) and that is mass/public exposure and he knows this. He has been exposed minimally, and I also know he has a morbid fear of blowing him up, but he also realizes I may shoot myself in the foot. It's one thing for us to know whom they truly are, but narcs worry A LOT about what others think of their facade. They worry more about strangers judging them, than their wives.
There is one fact that the MC did say to me and that was a man that fucks prostitutes is about power, money and control. That sums up a narc SA, in a nutshell. Not words to take lightly...a narcs goal is to win.
Sorry this is so long, I will wrap this up with saying that I do lock my door at night. I do believe that once the mask falls, there is no telling what they will do, especially in terms of damage control.
[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 4:46 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]