Newest Member: Dazedandconfused1978

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 6:15 PM on Thursday, August 15th, 2019

27. Dear Lord. My adult daughter is older than that.

Fucking perimenopause is a bitch.

Truer words were never spoken.

I've got a long list of changes post Hysterectomy. I had one at 48. I hadn't been back to work more than a few days when DDay1 hit. Holy Hormones Batman!

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3300   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8420912
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 6:22 PM on Thursday, August 15th, 2019

I'm good with the perimenopause now except the weight gain. I started gaining at 43. Lost about 35 lbs winter before last. About 10 of it came back when I stopped dieting even though I was exercising every day. 😡

Interesting tidbit of info I learned about my fch last week. He and our 15yo have been talking about how the boy is now taller than the man. I took the boy for his sports physical. He is 5'5". I said, "You are not taller than your dad. He's 5'6" or 5'7". (Yes, we are little people. 🙂

We got home and I told my fch. He said boy is taller than him. WTF? Fch said he is 5'5"-5'6", depending on whether or not he did squats that day. I said that he told me he was taller. He swears he has never claimed to be 5'7". I could be wrong, but I know for sure he never said he was 5'5".

Someone left me a little money for my yoga class even though it was free. 😁

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8420916
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 6:25 PM on Thursday, August 15th, 2019

TallGirl, you don't have to go away with your WH this weekend. None of it sounds like it would be healthy for you.

Why does the marriage ending hit you so hard? You don't have to answer, just think about it and answer it for yourself. What keeps you holding on? What value is it to you to hold onto your marriage?

The idea of being with him doesn't give you any positive feelings, it doesn't sound like. Your MC is not interested in you two individually as much as she's interested in saving a marriage, which is technically her job. Her goals aren't likely to align with what's healthiest for you when the marriage is the patient.

The truth is, if he disgusts you and you don't want to be with him and he's still being a man-child, the marriage probably is over. You know what, that is absolutely okay. That is a reasonable and rational outcome due to his actions. I know it's not easy. All of this sucks hugely. Part of me still misses who I thought I married, but the vast majority of me is beyond grateful not to be in that marriage anymore.

I do have a bias against marriage and cheating man-babies, lol. I'll admit that.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4556   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8420917
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northeasternarea ( member #43214) posted at 9:50 PM on Thursday, August 15th, 2019

Tallgirl (I'm tall, too) stop comparing yourself to airbrushed photos. If you don't want to spent the weekend with him, don't do it. And even if you do, you don't have to sleep with him. I went away with my WH for a week when we were separated, and there was no sex. Be true to yourself.

My WH's AP is 24 years my junior. She was perfect for him to play Captain Save A Ho.

[This message edited by northeasternarea at 9:56 PM, August 15th (Thursday)]

The only person you can change is yourself.

posts: 4263   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2014
id 8421085
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:06 AM on Friday, August 16th, 2019

Ha, northeasternarea, my wh(y) loves himself a ho. Without a doubt...

I know I don’t have to go this weekend.

I talked to the mc before the ho lover arrived. She said if we don’t spend time together, it is essentially calling off the M. I am thinking. I will see a lawyer soon and look hard at my options.

I am not ready now. If it is over I will be ready.

Not sure I can get over what the Ass-ho has done.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8421226
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 4:10 AM on Friday, August 16th, 2019

I talked to the mc before the ho lover arrived. She said if we don’t spend time together, it is essentially calling off the M.

What is it with these therapists? No, it is not essentially calling off the M. Like I said in response to Chaos, if a WS gives up because the BS needs more time or space or isn't 100% all in for R, the WS isn't R material.

Fuck those lying ass cheaters! We BPs don't need to do anything to appease or placate them. They are the ones who need to be doing ALL the work to win back us BPs and save the M.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8421261
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 2:25 PM on Friday, August 16th, 2019

Preach that. The MCs always want you to extend the olive branch and be understanding and that is such bullshit after the WS breaks the marriage like that. We owe them absolutely positively nothing in the aftermath. They should be doing all the work to show that they actually want us and the marriage and they should be putting their emotional necks on the line, not sitting around pitiful waiting for us to give them a smile or some attention.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4556   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8421447
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 3:12 PM on Friday, August 16th, 2019

they should be putting their emotional necks on the line, not sitting around pitiful waiting for us to give them a smile or some attention.

Exactly! That was part of my fch had to fix in himself, his ability to be emotionally vulnerable with me, because that's essentially what led to him cheating. If he can't do that now, we can't R.

Part of his reasoning for not being emotionally vulnerable with me was that he was scared of my reaction. He didn't want to be involved in any kind of conflict. He didn't want me to think he was selfish. 😂

See how that worked out? He caused the greatest conflict by showing just how selfish he was. He lost all of my respect for being a weak, selfish idiot.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8421473
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 1:39 AM on Saturday, August 17th, 2019

I didn't know where to post this...

Have any of you tested positive for STD as a result of the cheating? I heard back from my doc today and damn.

Second round of bloodwork was submitted to the lab today, but I am just a bit shocky I think. I haven't cried or had a meltdown (yet). I feel like my brain is just on complete overload with the last 9 months of bullshit.

Praying it is a false positive.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3181   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8421901
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 1:57 AM on Saturday, August 17th, 2019

Oh Ellie. That sucks. I am so sorry. I would be livid. There are a lot of folks that have had this.

If you want broader feedback I would post in general.

Big hugs

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8421911
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 2:44 AM on Saturday, August 17th, 2019

Thanks TG. I am mad... But just my feelings are muffled right now.

I may post in general. Not sure yet.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3181   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8421934
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SpeedBump ( member #69198) posted at 8:30 AM on Saturday, August 17th, 2019

Hi Ladies - I'm just stopping in to say that whether you know it or not, this group is my everything these days. I haven't had the strength or courage to keep posting lately but I come here and bask in the wisdom, grace, humor and strength of your posts. I hope one day I can offer some wisdom and friendship.

I hope that for now you are OK if I sit off on the side and silently cheer you all on!

posts: 161   ·   registered: Dec. 20th, 2018   ·   location: Europe
id 8422026
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:48 PM on Saturday, August 17th, 2019

Hi Speedbump

Post any time when you are ready. We are just a bunch of gals trying to sort ourselves out and make sense of life.

Ladies

The weekend has started and I am watching him sleep wondering what I can use to pummel him. Lots of triggers.

And I am covered head to toe with the most uncomplimentary night clothes I could find. I look like a sleeping bag.

Always amazes how raw the pain still is.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 7:16 AM, August 18th (Sunday)]

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8422067
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:49 PM on Saturday, August 17th, 2019

Hi Speedbump

Post any time when you are ready. We are just a bunch of gals trying to sort ourselves out and make sense of life.

Ladies

The weekend has started and I am watching him sleep wondering what I can use to pummel him. Lots of triggers.

And I am covered head to toe with the most uncomplimentary night clothes I could find. I look like a sleeping bag.

Always amazes how raw the pain still is.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 6:50 AM, August 17th (Saturday)]

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8422068
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:37 PM on Saturday, August 17th, 2019

TG, a pillow?

I'm not proud of this, and I do not advocate it, but I physically attacked my fch one night. We were in bed. He was asleep. I was drinking too much wine. I got so angry that I just started hitting him. He woke up, realized what was happening, and let me continue. He has nerves of steel. I wasn't hurting him. I can't punch worth a damn and his body is like a rock. I had never hit anyone in anger before and haven't since.

Speedbump, lurk all you want. That's what we're here for. Post whenever you are ready.

Fch and I had a really good talk last night. I think I'm going to start a thread about it in the R forum. I think he really gets it, and he's willing to stick around and ride things out while I figure out what I want to do.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8422107
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 2:58 PM on Saturday, August 17th, 2019

Tall girl- I feel ya.

I’m spending some time lately thinking about why I want to punch my WH in the face. I don’t think it’s “just” the rage. I think some silly part of me somehow thinks if I can beat him up it will somehow be better or Ok. That the scales will somehow even out. That he will somehow hurt as I do. It’s really a bizarre urge. I can’t even call it a fantasy bc I don’t get any feeling of satisfaction from it - I know just how ashamed I’d feel if I followed thru.

I wonder how many BS whose WS are “doing the work” have this urge? I wouldn’t know what that feels like, so maybe I’m just on a “grass is greener” kick, but a part of me thinks I wouldn’t feel like punching him if I believed he had any remorse or empathy. Random ramblings of a BS brain I guess.

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3441   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8422124
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:44 PM on Saturday, August 17th, 2019

well said gmc.

Totally on point

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8422148
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SpeedBump ( member #69198) posted at 12:56 PM on Sunday, August 18th, 2019

I can't tell you how many times I fantasize about slugging asshat. So. Many. Times. I'm glad I'm not alone.

posts: 161   ·   registered: Dec. 20th, 2018   ·   location: Europe
id 8422548
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Scoobydoo ( member #70007) posted at 3:41 PM on Sunday, August 18th, 2019

Hey ladies,

Is there enough room for another to join in here?

Feeling pretty lonely atm

Toooo many Dday's over 27 yrs,
Separated from Scooby 'Dum' 19/08/2019

Before you diagnose yourself with depression, or low self esteem,
First make sure you are not surrounded by an Asshole/s.

posts: 269   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019
id 8422580
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 5:17 PM on Sunday, August 18th, 2019

Welcome Scooby. How are you doing? I have read a few of your threads. Lotsa room here for more gals . Welcome any time.

What has got you feeling down.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8422618
Topic is Sleeping.
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