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I’m so sorry about your sister, W2B, but I’m glad you have that gratitude and the gift of a life with her.

I actually thought of this thread today. I have a little a Friday club with my students, so I spent an hour planning out a gratitude activity for us to do tomorrow. They are sweet kids, and I’m grateful for them.

I’m also grateful for a change of pace over thanksgiving break, when we’re going out of state to be with my in-laws. I’m looking forward to it!

Today I'm grateful for where we are. Unfortunately, IF the timeline I received was truthful....today was the day of their first hook-up. It's there simmering in the back of my mind, but nowhere near the intensity of years past. FWH is taking me on a date tonight. Our relationship is fundamentally different. We had no clue before the A. I'm grateful that we've both done so much work and now can reap the rewards of it.

On another note, inexplicably I'm suddenly not running into OW nearly as much as I have. Maybe she's found something better to do than stalk me. Haven't really seen her or had her pop up in nearly 3 months. I'm still doing my workouts to train for upcoming races, but she's no longer putting herself in my path. Super grateful for that. The lack of interaction is making me realize that for 23 years of our relationship, she was a stranger. And, in the future, she will be a stranger. In my mind, she's becoming more and more insignificant.

Late, but ... my Thanksgiving meals included Paxlovid. I'm very grateful none of the few people around me got Covid-19. I'm very grateful for my quick recovery. And I'm very grateful for the vaccines and Paxlovid.

As I do not want this thread to disappear, let me just say that I am thankful for the person who started this discussion. I know she hasn’t been around these parts for a bit and is missed.

So W2Bh, I’m raising a glass to you and hope to see you back very soon.

Another belated Thankful Thursday here on New Year’s Eve, but I do love this thread and visit it every time I drive by the old SI and see thoughts from members building back from the trauma and finding ways forward.

About to head out soon, my wife and I rarely get out and about on holidays, but we are celebrating our lives and have set up a number of adventures coming up on the calendar.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy as possible New Year!

I’m thankful that my sister from another mister popped in to say hi today.

Technically, it’s not Thursday for another 40 minutes or so. But I had an epiphany tonight while I was making dinner for H and I.

Some of you may remember at the time I began the A, it was during a very stressful time in a business start up for us. There were lots of other things going in then too. Our youngest was heading to college and it was hectic to say the least.

My H and I have just settled back down and he is in the midst of starting another business that kind of dove tails on the other one. He spends a lot of time on education and Is in his office a lot.

The old me would have taken it personally.

As I was making him a plate so he wouldn’t have to leave a weekly conference call, I found myself kind of fussing over it. And I realized I have been doing that a lot lately.

The old me would have been doing it to win his attention back. I would do very nice things but for the most part I think I wanted to be perceived a certain way so maybe I could win his love.

Tonight I realized that my motivations these days are because he works hard, he is a really good person, and I just want him to have something he really enjoyed for dinner even if he had to have it up at his desk.

No expectations, nothing in it for me. And I realized this is what really loving someone is all about. Giving with a generous heart rather than a needy one brings joy instead of the anxiety I used to feel.

There was so much shallowness and chasing and hustling. This is so much easier, more natural, and good. Wholesomely good. I am so thankful. There were so many days, weeks and months, that things were precarious at best. Not just with each other but within ourselves. To be able to let that struggle go and just love is the greatest peace I can imagine.

I do have regrets that I couldn’t make it this simple so long ago. The time, space and energy wasted is staggering. A much older woman stares back at me in the mirror today, and as I round out the end of my forties I still have hope that my fidties are going to reflect a lot of the wisdom reaped. So I try and not look back so much anymore and instead enjoy these little moments and look forward to what’s to come. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

Hi,

First post for me!

I am thankful that I found this site and the generous human beings sharing their pain, wisdom and hopes on here. Perhaps to serve as a purpose to others who would come across this sacred place and the treasure of information, suggested advice and guidance offered by the hurt, the lonely, the betrayed and the recovered. The knowledge shared has contributed to lighting up several paths and journeys for those of us who seek to be more, to understand, to act and to be healed.

I am grateful for my WW and her A that made me revisit me, to heal from my childhood intergenerational trauma and from PTSD gained across a near 30 year military career. The experience has given me the opportunity to look inward and see what I could change to be better for me and then how I could be better for her, us and our journey to creating a new marriage.

I understand many of the phases I am going through because of you sharing, we're now in year 2 of R. Let's see what the future holds.

Regards

Salty

Welcome to SI Salty. I hope you are finding all the help available here.

Hello fellow SIer’s I had to drag this from page 2. Things have really been crazy in my world. I am thankful that just as things are getting back to normal we have another setback, my W broke her ankle and will be down for 8 weeks. Everything works together for good.

HAPPY THANKFUL THURSDAY on Saturday !!! Bon Dieu...y'all have kept this thread alive...by a thread I see !!

I came on here and was happy to see what everyone in Louisiana has seen since January 6th...or Twelfth Night which is the beginning of Mardi Gras Season...purple, green, and gold . Thank You MangledHeart! EVERYTHING is in FULL Mardi Gras mode now...parades going on all over the place in towns all across Louisiana EVERY day until Fat Tuesday...otherwise known as Mardi Gras . I am so THANKFUL to live in a place that is so RICH in a culture like what we have .

The day after Mardi Gras begins another extension of this culture...Ash Wednesday...the start of Lent. The last few years I have done some things that included NOT doing stuff concerning the A. THIS year though...there is nothing left to accomplish . I have successfully OWNED this A for a while now...so now it is time to get back to normal stuff again. NORMAL. What a NICE place to be in . One more thing to be THANKFUL for .

I have been out for a while...and I have missed being on here...but I haven't missed it either...if that makes sense. I feel like such a hypocrite!!! I just couldn't understand at first why people wouldn't STAY on here to assure the rest of us that life DOES get better after an A. Whether R or D is chosen...surely people could help those of us to navigate these rough waters we were suddenly thrust in???!!! I get it now.

I know...I am a broken record . I now totally understand WHY they don't come back . It can be discouraging to be saying how GREAT life IS...when someone else is saying that things can't possibly be that great because you have been manipulated . It's just like how many of us couldn't understand the PAIN that betrayal brings until we were betrayed. Well...the JOY that R can bring is just as TRUE when BOTH parties are ALL IN !!

So...TODAY...I am THANKFUL for JOY as well ! My sister's death cut me deeply...and I will grieve for her the rest of my life . As a Christian though...I KNOW she is experiencing a JOY that I can only imagine feeling...and I am so THANKFUL for that . My WISH is that all of us here can have a little JOY sprinkled on our day today !!!

HAPPY Thankful Thursday !!

Being able to to give THANKS is such a GIFT isn't it?! I can remember when I first saw the post that the BW posted on here about how her MC sent homework home for her and her WH to come up with three things that they were thankful for concerning each other for their next counseling session in a week. I was NOT in a mindset to be able to be thankful for anything concerning my H at that point! Apparently she wasn't either...at first !

Some time after that I learned another nice little nugget...how our thoughts dictate our feelings. Combining these two things fit so nicely in helping my healing process . When my thoughts turn to gratitude...my feelings turn to PEACE. Peace is truly the ultimate feeling EVER !!!

I had to cut my grass yesterday. The grass was actually still dead from the freeze we had a few weeks ago...but that danged clover wasn't!! Those little patches here and there were getting pretty high!! As I was doing it though...I thought about how thankful I was that I was still ABLE to cut the grass...and all those calories I was burning by still using a push mower ! I might not like it this weekend when my sinuses start acting up though ! But for TODAY...I am thankful when I look out at my beautifully manicured lawn !

I am also thankful that today is what I like to call Friday EVE ! We have Spring festivals now and there is a cool one happening this weekend that my H and I are looking forward to going to ! YAY for nice weather and warm sunshine!! I LOVE our new life and our Mv2.0 !! Another thing that I am so thankful for!!

I am very thankful for new seasons too . This is an uncharted territory...AGAIN...with another loss...AGAIN . But I KNOW my sister wouldn't want me to wallow in this grief. As a faith filled Christian...she KNEW where she was going...and our siblings and parents were there to meet her in Heaven and enjoy her there until it is my turn. What a GLORIOUS day that will be !!! I thank God that He has given us ALL that chance at redemption!!

Until then...I live to face another day here on Earth. I can CHOOSE what I make of it. My THOUGHTS will dictate my FEELINGS. TODAY...I choose to be thankful .

Being able to to give THANKS is such a GIFT isn't it?!

Yes it is W2BHA!

And as you noted, we couldn’t imagine getting to a place in life where we could be grateful when we first arrived at the forums.

Until then...I live to face another day here on Earth. I can CHOOSE what I make of it. My THOUGHTS will dictate my FEELINGS. TODAY...I choose to be thankful

Ah, the power to choose. That’s a concept that vanished as well on discovery day and I think it was almost three years before I had processed enough and healed enough to be able focus on the gifts of the day and appreciate them.

It sure is a good day when that happens.

Glad to see your updates again W2BHA in the positive mindset thread that you launched.

I’m thankful today for so many things and so many amazing souls who helped me here and the life my wife and I worked so hard to rebuild.

I’m taking the grateful tour on the road, my wife and I are headed out to Florida to catch some rays, some waves and little bit of spring training baseball. Then a family gathering upon our return and back on the road. It could be a while before I get back here to the ol’ Thankful Thursday thread, again, but I know it will be here when needed.

Great to see your awesome contribution on here again Oldwounds !!

It could be a while before I get back here to the ol’ Thankful Thursday thread, again, but I know it will be here when needed.

ENJOY y'alls time my friend!! Thank you and the rest of my sweet SI family for being here to keep this thread going for others who needed to read a little positivity on here !!

HAPPY Thankful Thursday everyone !!

Down here the swamps are starting to come back to life...I LOVE seeing that !! Of course...that means that the alligators are going to start coming out too. You all see those poor deer on the side of the roads who met their untimely deaths from running into traffic...we see alligators. C'est la vie. I am THANKFUL to see Spring is coming .

One thing we aren't seeing much of though...is crawfish!! DANG...we had a drought here last year that killed a lot of our beloved mudbugs from what I have heard. That means we don't have many of them to eat on Fridays during Lent this year...BUMMER!!! Don't worry about us South Louisiana Cajuns though...we are BLESSED to live in a land that has ABUNDANT seafood ! Boiled shrimp is almost as good as boiled crawfish...ALMOST . I am THANKFUL to live in this wonderful state !

I am watching a video of a gorgeous bald eagle sitting on a nest with THREE eggs...waiting for them to hatch ANY day !! Bald eagles aren't as plentiful in our state as they are in others...but they are so MAJESTIC!! The woman who put this camera up...with help...for us all to enjoy...did this NINE years ago...and has been following this particular eagle since it hatched TWELVE years ago. How precious is that...that this ONE woman did this for ALL of us to be able to watch the majesty of this?! I am so THANKFUL to be a part of this beautiful country !!

There was a time when ALL I could see was dark...and ugly...and dreary things . NOTHING was light...or pretty...or bright. NOTHING. I see it now sort of like a winter that I was going through. Everything seemed DEAD...including my M. But deep down...things were still alive...just like those alligators who hunkered down in the water...barely moving...with only their snouts above water to breathe.

Slowly...but surely...the dead stuff started to slough away...like old skin cells . It took me a little longer than the 2-5 year healing guideline that is mentioned on here. But I have 2 speeds...slow and slower . Through the 7 years of my healing...new growth was starting to bud out until it was in FULL bloom again !! NOW...almost 10 years later...everything is just BEAUTIFUL. As I often say...NOW is what COUNTS !!

Life is full of ups and downs...and those danged curveballs can HIT when we least expect them. NONE of us will get through this life unscathed. But how we process it and recover...that is what will determine the QUALITY of life we will have...for the REST of our life . That CHOICE is ours. I am so THANKFUL that I found this site...with such wonderful and helpful people to walk me through the most darkest part of my life. I am so HAPPY to be basking in the LIGHT that is my life again...and for that...I am so very THANKFUL today .

Another Thankful Thursday comes around !!

I have been preparing my garden for planting...but it is time for a rest...so it is the BEST time to write a THANKFUL thread today .

The weather is GORGEOUS during this time of year...and getting things ready for planting just fills me with such HOPE . Last year I had such a fruitful harvest that I was able to share with several of my family, friends, and neighbors. I LOVE when that happens !

This year I won't be as aggressive in my garden. I needed an outlet for the stress and grief from my sister's illness and passing last year. This year so far it is sort of a paralysis feeling. So I will just let the feelings flow as they may. My faith will get me through...the signs are coming...and I am very thankful for this .

I hope everyone can ENJOY their Friday EVE today as much as I am . If you aren't...GO OUTSIDE...or better yet...PLANT something !!! There is an amazing thing that happens when a new life comes about because of your nurturing !!!

I know I haven't been in the TT thread much.

I also don't know if I've specifically been thankful for my fWW here. Anyway, I'm thankful for my wife. I have covid and she has took good care of me and picked up the slack where I normally contribute at home like cooking meals.

More generally, she's been picking up the slack at home from me overworking since December as well, which has finally tapered off. Just a short term major deadline thing (which I successfully made). She is a good woman and a good wife.

This0is0Fine...I hope you are feeling better after having Covid (((HUGS))).

She is a good woman and a good wife.

That's AWESOME to see...thanks for sharing !!

My Thankful Thursday today is that I am SORE !!! I worked in my garden so much yesterday that muscles I never knew I had are revolting against me this morning!! DANG...I didn't realize getting OLD would take a toll like this !! But...I am so very THANKFUL that one of my children gave me this garden roll around cart thingy that has really helped me in getting things done! I can only imagine how I would be feeling this morning if I didn't have it!!!

With everything being so expensive nowadays...I tried something new . I took vegetables that I love to eat from the grocery store...cut some up...and planted them just like they showed on Facebook !! The seed packets and plants are outrageous right now...and I buy the vegetables anyway...so cutting up a few for seeds should be cost effective...maybe. Time will tell!! I plant during Holy Week down here...so if those little suckers don't come up soon...I still have enough time to bite the bullet and get some seeds and plants if Facebook isn't truthful !! I am just THANKFUL that I can still afford to have my hobby garden .

This is something we have learned from us starting our Mv2.0 . We were married for 28 years before my H cheated. We had gotten complacent in doing things. After we started down our path on our Mv2.0...we deliberately looked to do new things . Turns out you CAN teach old dogs new tricks !! I am pretty THANKFUL that we were both willing to at least TRY new things on this path we set out on .

LIFE is what we make it my friends . So...just for TODAY...let's strive to make it be a THANKFUL one .

W2BHA, I'm thankful to be sore, too! I started with a trainer at the gym a couple of weeks ago and she is KICKING MY ASS. I LOVE IT! I was tired of being stagnant and boo-hooing about how I don't like the way I feel, so I treated myself to 20 sessions with a trainer. I'm making plans NOW to keep it going because I know how I can be: Without someone else waiting on me, I might not show up for myself. The gym where I'm going now is super close to my house, but it's full of serious bodybuilders who intimidate the crap out of me, so I'm also going to sign up for Planet Fitness or something like that where the normal people go. lol (I do it through my health insurance, so I can join multiple gyms for $29/mo. Score!)

Also, I've been eating vegan about 80% of the time, and vegetarian (a bit of dairy in the form of cheese and ingredients for sweets) as my 20% treat. I'm proud of myself! The scale has come down a couple of pounds and I can feel a difference already. The biggest thing I'm noticing is that my sleep is so much better.

I'm interested in hearing how your veggies turn out! I took a horticulture class last year where our lab was to grow our own veggie garden. It's SO satisfying to see your little babies grow - and then EAT THEM. I'm not planting anything this year because we're getting ready to move, and I miss it. I should probably throw some basil in the ground, at least. We use a LOT of that.

SacredSoul33...my tomato plants are growing like crazy !! I have beefsteak, grape, and early girl tomatoes which are doing well . But all of my pepper plants...banana, jalapeno, and habanero...have not come up at all which is very discouraging. I had gotten seed packets last year and even those didn't come up. I am going to keep watering them though and see if it just takes longer for the seeds to germinate? But I will have to get plants from the nursery to transplant them next week. At least I know !

It's SO satisfying to see your little babies grow - and then EAT THEM.

YES it is !!!

I will keep going with my "seed" theme this week for my THANKFUL THURSDAY post ! Jesus Himself talked about seeds! He said in John 12:24..."Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." Jesus was speaking about His upcoming death...but it reminded me of the death of my precious M from my H's adultery .

Death has been on my mind a lot since my sister's passing . But as a faith filled person...my head KNOWS that she is in a much BETTER place and I will see her again . My heart still grieves though . Much like it grieved my M when my H destroyed it by having his A.

This Lent though...I read the above passage...and it really resonated with me this time . Out of a horrifically UNFAIR trial that ended in the torturous death of an innocent person...a "new" person arose who brought salvation for everyone! Out of an unbearably UNFAIR disease that ended in the painfully slow death of a precious sister...a "new" person arose who is now pain free and enjoying our other siblings and our parents! And...out of a cruelly UNFAIR selfish person that caused the death of our precious M...a "new" person humbled himself to bring about our Mv2.0 ! Ahhhhh...y'all thought I was going to talk about my M dying and coming back to life didn't y'all??!!

NOPE ! Much like we have to die to self in order to live for Christ...my H had to kill off THAT selfish person that he WAS in order to become THIS person that he IS . For some reason...on Dday...I instinctively (Divinely?) knew this. This is why I thought up the ultimatums that I did when I was deciding if I wanted to see about MAYBE going for R. The ultimatums weren't much...but they all centered around my H's selfishness and how he was going to have to be UNselfish if we even had a chance at R. Honestly...I didn't think he could or even would do them. He had been selfish ever since I met him. I was resolute though that if he didn't agree to EVERY ONE...we would go for D. I was surprised that he immediately agreed to all of them!

I know I sound like a broken record...but for the newbies just now seeing this...my H told me that when I told him the M was over and I left the room after his confession on Dday...his heart sank. He said that he thought that IF I gave him another chance he would do WHATEVER it took just to let me be in his life...so that is why he agreed...and DID every one of my ultimatums when I came back in the room to talk about a possible R . If I would have known this...I would have given him MORE !!! Just picking !!!

But wait...there's MORE ! I also had to do a little dying myself. There is also something else that Jesus said in John 15:13..."Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." I always pictured that as a person dying on the battlefield...or even a secret service agent who takes a bullet for the President. But...dying for a person who did the WORST thing they could possibly do to someone they SWORE they would NOT do??? NO WAY!!!

YES WAY . It certainly didn't happen on Dday!!! It didn't happen for a LONG time actually. It was gradual. But one day I realized that the life I always dreamed about...MY life...where I was in a monogamous M...was NEVER going to happen if I stayed with my H. I decided to lay down my life...for my H. HE was worth it . Throughout the years I have come to the conclusion that THIS decision has been the best CHOICE I have made yet . So...for THIS Thankful Thursday...I am THANKFUL that I laid down MY life for my BEST friend...my H !!! It has been one of the most FRUITFUL "seeds" I have ever "planted"!!!

Death has been on my mind a lot since my sister's passing

I'm sending you a virtual bear hug. I lost my sister 15 years ago (!) and I still miss her every day. It's the little things that really get me, like seeing her favorite crackers in the grocery store. Every time I glance at the clock and it's 11:11, I know she's sending me a little "hello!"

I'm not feeling very eloquent, so let's just leave it very general and say that I'm thankful for my life today. Life is pretty darn good.