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Reconciliation :
Thankful Thursday

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Uxoragain ( new member #83025) posted at 6:59 PM on Thursday, March 21st, 2024

Good morning, SI.

I am grateful that for all the chaos that brought me here over the years, for all the chaos that at times creates big gaps for when I return; that our Heavenly creator has allowed my to have enough sanity to know when to come back, and !shockingly! remember my user name and password! laugh

Be good to yourselves, SI peeps! Breathe in and out and just know that even that simple breath is a blessing.

[This message edited by Uxoragain at 7:00 PM, Thursday, March 21st]

Me: Mrs. Uxor, BW, 50's

Mr Uxor, WH, 50's

DDay Summer 2013

Currently Married almost 30 years.Reconciled but working on ripples so we stay that way.

I was here before - read about it in my story.

posts: 43   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2023   ·   location: here
id 8830002
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 8:38 PM on Thursday, March 28th, 2024

SacredSoul33...thank you for your hug from last week...that means a lot smile . (((HUGS)))right back to you for the loss of your sister.

Uxoragain...it is GOOD to "see" you on here again grin !

This Thankful Thursday is a poignant one for me because it is also Maundy Thursday for us Christians. This was when Jesus showed His disciples to love one another by serving one another...and He showed this by washing their feet...even the feet of the one who would later betray Him. I have always strived to have a servant heart...and for the most part I have been very happy with serving others smile .

I am in NO WAY comparing myself to Jesus because I am very much a sinner!! But...on Dday...right before my H confessed to his A...I was actually sitting on the floor rubbing his feet with lotion. He is a diabetic...and he had only been home for 2 days...after being gone for about 10 weeks at that point. I was checking his feet to make sure they were alright...diabetics sometimes have issues with nerves in their feet and not having feelings sometimes. My H was still in this FUNK that he had been in since he had come home from overseas.

I told him that whatever it was he was having issues with...WE could handle it...but he needed to talk to me about it. It was then that he started crying and told me that he loved me like he never loved anyone else...but he didn't think he was in love with me anymore. Yep...the classic ILYBINILWY speech...straight from the Cheater's Handbook rolleyes . Right after that...my world as I knew it changed forever. I truly don't know how Jesus did it. I still check my H's feet...but I didn't do it for a very long time after Dday...and honestly...I don't do it nearly as often as I should.

Deliberately choosing to serve someone is a very AGAPE type of love smile . Deliberately choosing to serve someone who has betrayed you requires a STRENGTH that I confess I don't always have. But I KNOW it can be done...because Jesus showed us the WAY to do it. I did it with my 1st H...and he proved that he was not worthy of that type of love...and that is why he is my XWH grin . My H has shown me how much he appreciates it when I choose to do these little acts of service for him...and that makes my servant heart SMILE smile .

Today though...I am under the weather...sinuses are going crazy with all of this pollen everywhere!! My H's servant heart is out and he is doing an absolutely FABULOUS job serving my needs today grin . This is something that he wouldn't have been bothered with 10 years ago. I'm not sick...so I could still get stuff done. But TODAY...he is having me REST...knowing that it will help me to feel better from this ICK smile . And TODAY...I am going to let his servant heart SMILE as he sees how much I appreciate what he does for me grin . I didn't realize 10 years ago how I was stifling that part of him by insisting on being the only "servant" in our relationship. That's NOT what Jesus taught!! We are to serve one another!!

So TODAY...I am THANKFUL that my H and I have learned that to have the most noblest type of LOVE is to serve one another grin !!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6620   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8831214
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 9:35 PM on Thursday, March 28th, 2024

I'm thankful for my coworkers and an amazing milestone we hit today.

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 2672   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8831223
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 2:31 PM on Thursday, April 4th, 2024

On this Thursday I’m thankful for spring break and the time it gives me to decompress from a stressful job. I’m thankful for my house, yard, garden and for the relative security of our lives. I’m incredibly thankful that both my kids are doing well. I’m very conscious of the many challenges and pitfalls of the teen and young adult years, and so far my kids are navigating them well. I’m also thankful for my husband. Figuring out this new post-infidelity relationship isn’t easy or fun, but he’s still the steady, kind, hardworking, thoughtful person I’ve been with for 25+ years, and I’m grateful for him.

Husband had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Married 20 years at that point; two teenaged kids. Reconciling.

posts: 637   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8832074
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 8:26 PM on Friday, April 12th, 2024

Grieving...I LOVE your post from last week grin !! I have heard how grandkids are God's gift to you from not killing your kids when they were teenagers...and I can so relate to that laugh !! It was a little challenging to say the least for several of our teenagers...but Thank God they made it through those years and have all become very well adjusted adults with children of their own smile .

I was actually at one of our children's house last week to watch my grandchildren while they were off for the Easter Holiday smile ! I don't get on SI when I am at their houses...so I didn't get to do a Thankful Thursday post...but it was so NICE to see that YOU did grin !!

I am a day late for my Thankful Thursday post this week...but in all honesty...EVERY DAY is a THANKFUL day for me...and today is no exception grin !! Although I very much enjoyed my time with my grandchildren and my grand furbabies last week...between the pet dander and the pollen...my sinuses didn't stand a chance! I came home feeling so SICK and ACHY...to chicken soup cooking on the stove smile . My H had made it a point to make me a comfort food that would also make me feel soothed grin !! I was pampered all weekend and started this week off feeling much better!

I've slept a lot this week...antihistamines tend to do that to me laugh . But every day I got a little better and today I am going full force!! We are planning on having a weekend all to ourselves...and I am so looking forward to it grin !! Being empty nesters isn't all that bad!! So TODAY...I am thankful for this LIFE I have...with the LOVE of my life...my wonderful husband...who has proven he is worthy of this LOVE grin !!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6620   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8833376
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NoThanksForTheMemories ( member #83278) posted at 7:35 PM on Thursday, April 18th, 2024

I'm thankful for being housed, for financial stability, for the support of my parents and friends, for the professor who's using my book as part of his curriculum (so cool!), and for the collective wisdom and compassion here on SI. I'm also thankful that I was able to get a good therapist for my kid, that we can afford therapy (RIP my bank balance), and that her school is willing to accommodate some of her needs.

WH had a 3 yr EA+PA. Dday1 Nov '22. Dday4 Sep '23. 30 years together. Staying for the teenager. Allowing space for R without commitment.

posts: 117   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2023
id 8833914
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 9:40 PM on Thursday, April 18th, 2024

NoThanksForTheMemories...sounds like you have some pretty nice things to be thankful for today grin !!

This week was not a very eventful week...which was actually something I am pretty THANKFUL for right now grin . I came across a memory in my Facebook timeline that showed something that happened 10 years ago. It was pretty eventful at that time. When I thought about it...I realized that exactly 4 weeks after that event...my H met the adultery co-conspirator for the 1st time.

WOW. This particular event started a chain reaction that ended up having me leave the country where my H was working almost 3 weeks later. About 8 days after I left...he met the adultery co-conspirator for the first time. This began their A that ended when he left her country 9 1/2 weeks later. Those are cold...hard...FACTS. But oddly...until I saw it in that memories timeline...I didn't realize how SOON it was between the time that the event happened...and the time that my H actually met the adultery co-conspirator duh .

It was so weird to me that I never put those two events in that close of a timeline before. Granted...I didn't know the exact date they had actually met until I found out about the google timeline from a post on here a few years after Dday. By then I was just relieved that it wasn't the date we had deduced from other circumstantial evidence...which was the day after my birthday laugh !! Seeing it right there though was a trigger...for probably a half a day.

But thankfully...it wasn't a trigger like I used to have...Thank You God smile . I was able to think more clearly about it...and get to the core issue of the trigger much faster without the raw emotion bubbling up first. My H and I had a good discussion about it...especially about HIS screwed up emotions and ways he had of coping with things back then. This was truly nothing about ME...but about HIM and the way he handled stress and unexpected life issues.

We are in a somewhat similar situation now...except that he is the one staying home while I am the one traveling more during this time. His thought patterns and how he handles stressful issues now are so different. He says it is much easier for him this way because it is in a truthful light. I certainly understand that grin ! More than that though...I can FEEL it!!

We are going to be facing some rather hectic times ahead. But THIS week was a restful one smile . We can be THANKFUL for that! We can also be thankful that no matter what the future holds...we KNOW we now have the tools to COPE with whatever it brings...because of the work we have done...TOGETHER. And for that...we are so very THANKFUL grin !

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6620   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8833924
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SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 10:24 PM on Thursday, April 18th, 2024

I experienced something similar last weekend when I was cleaning out my closet and came across my journal from the DDay era. I've never been able to faithfully keep a journal, before or since, but I dumped a lot into that one. We were separated and in my memory we weren't talking and interacting as much as the journal reveals that we were. The timing of several little things was not the same in the journal as it has been in my brain. Not anything monumental, but I found that interesting.

I'm grateful for plenty. I'm grateful for health and friends and family. I'm grateful for my job, even though I'd rather hit the lottery.

I'm excited to be starting semaglutide and to see where that takes me.

I'm looking forward to my appointment tomorrow with a psychiatrist to talk about ADD. I'm pretty sure I've been dealing with it my whole life and didn't know it until this year.

I'm grateful for my H who loves me just the way I am, and excited to see what some self-care can do for both of us. He's been addressing some minor medical issues that he'd been procrastinating about. He even got some Wellbutrin in hopes of trying to quit smoking again. I'm not hanging my hat on anything, but it's nice that he's even thinking of trying.

I'm looking forward to getting an estimate from the builder to see if building our new home is going to be feasible. We submitted the plans to them a couple of days ago and I'm waiting with bated breath to see what they say. We're ready to downsize. If it's not doable, I'm totally okay with looking for a smaller existing home. I'm ready for some movement on this front. It's been stalled out for a while as we worked on plans. Meanwhile, Zillow's value estimate of our current home keeps climbing as we head towards the busy summer buying season. grin

Remove the "I want you to like me" sticker from your forehead and place it on the mirror, where it belongs. ~ Susan Jeffers

Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.

posts: 1332   ·   registered: Mar. 10th, 2023
id 8833930
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 3:44 AM on Friday, April 19th, 2024

Wow I have been missing from here for a while, I am very thankful to be so busy that I haven't visited this thread that has been so important to me for years. Tomorrow is 1 year to the day that we rushed our Son the the ER, it has been a very eventful year with many challenges, Our Son has not been home home since and has spent many months in the hospital.

I am thankful that we did the work to heal and get to R before this storm hit. Things are going well but it is very hard for us not having our Son at home. Hopefully I can fully explain soon.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3468   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8833957
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 3:01 PM on Thursday, April 25th, 2024

SacredSoul33...lots of EXCITING things coming up for you...woohoo!!!

Tanner...it is GOOD to "see" you back on here Coozann grin !! WOW...a whole year...that is quite a milestone for your little one...and your family! I am looking forward to "seeing" more of you on here...or not wink . ENJOY your family Cuz grin !!

I am so very THANKFUL for THIS thread grin !! I have always known that being thankful/grateful does wonders for my soul...especially at times when it is HARD to be that way. Science has proven this as well smile . Being grateful correlates with less depression and leads to living healthier lives.

Although I will NEVER be thankful that my H had his A...I am certainly very thankful that my H has done the work to become the person who is worthy to be MY H smile . I am also very thankful that I have done the work to not only heal from this...but also from the fallout of the cheating from my 1st M that I never really addressed before either. WE are very thankful that we have come out of all of this much more stronger as a couple...and somehow even more in love than ever before. YAY for putting in the WORK grin !!!

I remember this exercise that a therapist asked a couple to do very well. The BW wrote about it on here many years ago...to think of 3 things to be THANKFUL for each other by their next session the following week. I honestly can't remember if...at that time...I could think of 3 things to be thankful for about my H laugh !! But...at THIS time...

1. I am THANKFUL that my H gave me 4 hugs today before going to work.
2. I am THANKFUL that my H let me know this morning that I inspired him toward his faith in God.
3. I am THANKFUL that my H's actions keep my GUT calm.

So...for TODAY...I am very THANKFUL that I can come on this thread and write about these things every Thursday smile . Happy THANKFUL THURSDAY everyone grin !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6620   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8834672
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SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 4:24 PM on Thursday, April 25th, 2024

Tanner, that has to be very stressful. Is your son now in a good place, safe and getting good treatment?

W2BHA, I just love your optimism and caring for others. smile I'm thankful for you keeping this thread alive!

When I went to my ADD appointment last week, my blood pressure was very high. I'm already on meds, so I was surprised. I thought something was wrong with their machine, but they took it again three times using various methods and it was high every time. So I've been dealing with that since last week. My doc tested my thyroid and did a full blood panel, even though I just had one done a month ago, and everything was normal. So, that's good, but it leaves the question of WTH is going on? Doc said to keep tracking, double my meds, and let him know if it doesn't come down, and he'll prescribe another med. I'm getting tested for sleep apnea, and I bet that's a culprit. I could also stand to eat a little better and lose some weight, but I'm already working on that, too, with the semaglutide.

1. I'm thankful that I don't have thyroid issues! And that I have good insurance.

No movement on the house front. Still waiting on an estimate. We need to get out of our current house. We're going in the red every month and dipping into our savings since we had to do a cash-out refi.

2. Thankful that we have savings to dip into.

3. Thankful for my friends and family and modern medicine!

Remove the "I want you to like me" sticker from your forehead and place it on the mirror, where it belongs. ~ Susan Jeffers

Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.

posts: 1332   ·   registered: Mar. 10th, 2023
id 8834691
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 3:57 PM on Thursday, May 9th, 2024

SacredSoul33...modern medicine is pretty amazing grin !!

Forty years ago TODAY is when my 1st H met the 2nd adultery co-conspirator. That set into motion the events that eventually led to me going for D with him. What seemed to be a curse at that time has truly become a BLESSING all these years later grin . So I can truly say that I am THANKFUL for May 9th smile !!

It's all about perspective...because...coincidentally...10 years ago on this day...is when my H was getting on Tagged to find strangers to meet up with to have NSA sex while working overseas. It COULD be the day he met the adultery co-conspirator online who he eventually ended up having a 9 1/2 week A with...but Tagged doesn't specifically show WHO he contacted...it just shows he was on at that time.

But TODAY...it is a GORGEOUS day here...and we are having some really GREAT family events going on today and in the upcoming days that are going to be FUN and HAPPY and just make my H and I feel very very BLESSED smile . After what our family has been through these last few years it is so NICE to see FUN things happening again smile . Like I always say...everything is so much better NOW...and NOW is what COUNTS grin !!!

This might be my last Thankful Thursday post for a bit because of all of the events that will be going on smile . I will still be thinking of all of y'all...and praying for y'all too!! But life goes on my DEAR friends and family...and my healing has taken place...and now I can HELP others in my friend and family circle like I wasn't able to do before. It is so REFRESHING to be able to just be NORMAL again smile !! I know you all understand what I mean!!

We have had a lot of heartache in my real life circle with the deaths of loved ones these last few years. I can now bring the tools I've learned from healing from the grief that infidelity brings to help others to heal from their grief too. I am very THANKFUL that this site helped me to learn these tools. I didn't have these tools 40 years ago when I experienced infidelity from my 1st M...and it came back full force when infidelity hit in my 2nd M. I don't want my loved ones to have to experience partial healing that will keep them from having a FULL life where they can be WHOLE again if I can help it. I am sure going to TRY anyway smile .

This isn't goodbye...it is just...See you Soon wink . THANK YOU to everyone who has HELPED me to become WHOLE again smile !!! Life is so GOOD...and I am HAPPY again...and I don't think I could have said this without the WONDERFUL people on this AWESOME site grin !!! I am so THANKFUL for Surviving Infidelity grin !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6620   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8835992
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Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 4:15 PM on Thursday, June 13th, 2024

Great to see that update from W2BHA from last month on this Thankful Thursday.

I definitely spend more time offline than on these days, and it isn’t just SI, I find most of the Internet to be more unpleasant than useful these days.

I’m grateful SI is still here, so I can thank a few of the amazing people here who helped me along the way (like W2BHA) and pass along my own experiences.

Thankful for this semi-retirement mode where I get to spend more time with our adult ‘kids’ and other family and friends.

Thankful to finally be sleeping better, feeling better and finding a level of peace I wasn’t sure was possible when I first arrived here.

I think I’ve updated enough on other threads, it is time for me to jump offline again and focus on the good stuff.

I hope everyone here continues to heal!

Married 36+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived.
M Restored
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca

posts: 4721   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: Home.
id 8839523
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 3:45 PM on Thursday, July 18th, 2024

Good Thankful Thursday Morning everyone grin !!!

It has been a while since I have posted on this thread...but I am THANKFUL every day...and today is no different smile . What IS different today is that it has now been 10 YEARS since my H last saw the adultery co-conspirator. TEN YEARS. I can remember when I was still in that painful RAW stage of finding out that my world as I knew it had been destroyed...I couldn't even fathom what 10 years out would look like. I am very HAPPY to report that 10 years out looks pretty good grin !!

My H last saw the adultery co-conspirator 10 years ago yesterday when he left her country to come back to America. My H confessed his A to me 10 years ago tomorrow. But 10 years ago TODAY was a day of utter confusion for me. My H was acting so STRANGE. We had been separated for about 10 weeks...the longest we had ever been separated. But he wasn't ACTING like his loving WORDS he had written to me while we were apart. He would go from being so COLD to being oddly smothering. He could barely touch me one minute...then be overly affectionate the next...to where it felt like he was putting on a show. I kept asking him to tell me what was going on. He kept telling me that he just needed to "decompress" from being in a different country and different culture. The next day EVERYTHING became painfully crystal clear crying .

Every day we make choices...and in the last 10 years I have made a plethora of choices...some not as good as others laugh !!! I made the choice to go for R about an hour after I told my H that our M was over. I made the choice to forgive my H about a week after Dday. I made the choice to take D off the table about 3 years into R. I made the choice to submit to my H again about 7 years into R.

I had written about these choices on here and have had some criticism about it from well meaning folks smile . Everyone on here wants to HELP...but it still stung a little to read some of the doubting posts about my choices. I did what most write on here though...I took the advice that HELPED me and left the rest smile . This is MY life...and no one can walk THIS walk except ME. This is true for ALL of us and I can't stress that enough.

Tomorrow is the 10th Dday antiversary. BUT...tomorrow is also the 10th anniversary of our Mv2.0 grin ! I wrote all about it on page 13 of the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread at the Top of this Forum blink !! It was a very defining day for sure in my life. It nearly made me do the unthinkable. For the first time ever...I thought of ending my life crying . I had reached a point where all I wanted to do was get rid of this horrible pain...and death seemed to be the ONLY way to get relief. I am HAPPY to say that I found another way smile .

I could choose to see tomorrow as one of the worst days of my life...which it was. Or I could choose to see tomorrow as one of the days when my life's journey started on a new path. A path that brought so much PEACE...and...HAPPINESS smile . I made the choice to CELEBRATE tomorrow...and I am so THANKFUL that I did grin !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6620   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8842853
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:03 PM on Thursday, July 18th, 2024

Hmmm ... I'm sitting on my butt when I want to be out on a bike ride, but I'm injured, and pedaling would exacerbate the pain. OTOH, and much more important, I'm very thankful that I can still ride. I'm thankful that my W supports my riding - my bike lives in the foyer of our apartment. The bike is beautiful, but ... you know ... it doesn't really belong in a foyer. smile

Birthday next Tuesday. People tell me I look 10 years younger than I am, and I think that's true. My hearing is messed up because of my genes, but my general health is very good because of my genes. I'm very grateful for that, too.

That's just a small part of my gratitude....

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30040   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8842861
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