ChamomileTea
Just keep reminding her that a contentious and protracted settlement process is in no one's best interest and just takes whatever niceties which might have been possible away from your children. She's in no better position than you to afford a long drawn-out divorce. And neither of you want to tell your kids they can't afford new soccer shoes or a trip to the movies because the lawyers got all the money.
Will do - I have reminded her several times that this is the cheaper option...Because it is. It's not cheap but when you are comparing under 5 grand(ish) to upwards of 80k...Well, there's no comparison.
She's not in a better position than I am in terms of a drawn out divorce, Virginia recognizes adultery as 'at fault' and my lawyer says that this is financially detrimental to her (I have the better financial claims because of it). Custody it doesn't matter (which is ABSURD). I have told her that all I want is she keeps her debt, I keep mine, she keeps her savings (which, in reality works out to OUR savings, but it's like 4k so I'm okay with it), I keep my 401k, she keeps her 401k. I keep the 529's (I'm the only one who has put money into them, they are for the kids anyway). 50/50 custody of the kids.
Not sure about taxes/deductions, but I think we can work something out.
Speaking of Soccer, my son's soccer starts relatively soon (late March/April). That's going to be a bit awkward, but I'll manage.
And once again... don't feel a bit bad about "not keeping the door open". Cheaters already know the consequences. They do. If what you're heart is telling you is to push through this divorce, than push it through. D isn't the end. It's a beginning in a lot of ways. Hell, my aunt married and divorced the same man so many times they could no longer be licensed in their home state. So, who knows what the future might hold. But it's YOUR future and you're in charge of it. There's freedom in that.
I kind of feel flip-floppish but whatever, it's not like she was considering me AT ALL when she was out fucking the scumbag.
My heart is a confused mess of shit. The reality is that with all the pain, the lying, the betrayal, the conversation, the lack of hating him, the other shit, I know I can't live like this - my brain is telling me this. My heart, most of the time, tells me this too. I think I just get mixed up sometimes.
Your Aunt is interesting - my parents AND grandparents both divorced and got remarried. I very much doubt that will be the case for us - but if something like that WERE to occur it would only be after she'd been through years of therapy. She needs to become an empathetic human being again. I don't think she has the inner drive to change - I think she has the inner drive to rug sweep.
Blah, that's all future telling. Right now I'm feeling the Stabbing Westward song 'Save Yourself' (I probably mentioned this before) lines:
My life has been a nightmare
My soul is fractured to the bone
If I must be lonely
I think I'd rather be alone
Shit, that whole song has resonated with me these past few weeks.
[This message edited by TheLostOne2020 at 2:18 PM, February 16th (Sunday)]