Stevesn
Thanks for your thoughts LostOne. You’re a good man.
Thanks! You are a good man as well. In fact, I would say that everyone here is a good person. Seriously, you all are amazing. Not one of you had to help me out, to listen to me, to try to console me - but you all did. You all are wonderful people.
steadychevy
This is the right mindset, TheLostOne. Don't wait around the months or years it might take for her to "come to her senses". You capitalized IF showing it might never happen.
Build your own life. The one being discussed is over. If she comes to her senses eventually will you even want her to be in your life other than with absolutely necessary contact done on a strictly cold business like way.
There is life out there.
No, I'm not. Right now I don't know who the fuck she is or, rather, she's not the person I thought she was. However that goes. I do not want to be associated with this person any more than I have to.
I know that change for the better is extremely hard. I don't tend to have much faith in such change unless I see action. I have too many family members and friends who have circled the moral gutter to just have faith in someone. I'm going to work on myself, my kids, and my friends. I'm going to make a bigger effort to see them.
I want to be the type of person who, if it happens at all, I would be receptive to talking to her if she made a substantial change. Like, if I saw the change I would like to be able to acknowledge it. That said, at that point I would not owe her my friendship or anything. I'll see where I'm at, then, if it happens at all.
Right now there's been too much cruelty, too much malice, too much utter disregard for myself, my kids, and our history that I can't look past this shit and say 'if things change in a few years I'd be her friend'. I'd like to be the type of person who would at least acknowledge her personal growth (if it happens). That's more about me and what I perceive my character to be though.
I hope that makes sense.
Marz
D lowers the living stands of both parties normally. I think it’s a mistake letting her control anything on your end. Financially you may not have a choice short term on which path you take.
I know and I agree with you - this wouldn't be about her controlling anything on my end. I may not have a choice at the end of the day. What I was trying to say is that the smoking is a concern of mine as well.
Her tears are for her not you or anyone else. Maybe she shouldn’t have destroyed the family? You will have your time and she has hers. Your time is none of her business.
I wouldn’t worry about what she thinks or feels. She could care less about you.
Yeah, she shouldn't have destroyed her family. She will get all that is coming to her. I'm just saying that I'm not going to try to pit the kids against her. My thoughts were with regard to the kids, not her.
As it is, I think once I'm out of there things will get substantially worse for her and the relationship with the kids. Plus, I'm not naive - I know that they will find out about what happened. I'm trying to ride a fine line. I'm not going to stop them from finding out, but I'm also not trying to be antagonistic towards her in front of the kids.
That's the fucked up thing about this whole monkey-shit house. If it were just me, fine, I'm hurt, whatever - but she's got to do this to the kids? Fuck that's low. Plus her evil schemes? I want to just say what the fuck is wrong with you, but it's a waste of my energy and it would get me no where.
Outside of all this I don't have much of an update. Got my EZ Pass with the new address. She noticed the old one on the counter and asked about it. I said 'I don't need it anymore' and left it at that.
This morning I sent her a text asking her if she was ready to talk about the monthly finances. We are going to be splitting the house hold expenses more evenly. She hasn't responded yet - I'm anticipating a bunch of bullshit but we will see.
If she brings up relationship crap I'm just going to stick with something like 'As long as you don't hate the fuckstick as much as I do, there's nothing to talk about' and leave it at that. I figure that will work because she's said in the past that she will always have her ex boyfriends (or current fucktards) in her heart. So that should kill the conversation I'm hoping.