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TheLostOne2020,

Still, please try to avoid the trees along the side of life's roadways.

Sending strength and support.

I'm sorry for asking this again, but does anyone know of any air filters or humidifiers or whatever that really help get rid of the residue of smoking?

I've already hired people to come in and clean for allergens - I'm looking for something that I can put in the house and have on that will maintain clean air, if that makes sense.

The best HEPA air cleaner money can buy will not get rid of smoking residue. Assuming you live with a smoker, it's on your walls, clothes in the closet, everywhere. A deep cleaning of everything from bedding to drapes to windows to floors will help. But the second someone lights up a butt, you are starting all over again.

Having said that, a humidifier won't help. You will be surprised how much junk a good HEPA filter will draw out of the air, but it is mostly dust and lint. And dust mite residue if you live in a more humid clime.

I know car dealerships use some kind of ozone generator to remove odors from used trade-Ins cars. There might be some models for home use.

Default Posted: 9:00 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2020 View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know car dealerships use some kind of ozone generator to remove odors from used trade-Ins cars. There might be some models for home use.

Ozone is bad for your health, you shouldn't use a generator on a closed space.

Here: Honeywell HPA300 True HEPA Air Purifier, Extra-Large Room

Edit:. My friend uses this for his house, he has a pack of dogs and like a million constantly shedding rabbits (they do rescue stuff), it does a hell of a job.

I have a link but you know, rules and such.

[This message edited by Skadu at 9:16 AM, January 29th (Wednesday)]

longsadstory1952 - that is true. The smoker is not going to be smoking inside anymore. That said, he kept it to one room anyway.

Skadu - thank you - looking into it now.

Here is an old trick: its weird, but it works to an extent. Go and buy a couple bags of potatoes. Take them home and cut them lengthwise in half. Set the half potatoes all over the kitchen, bedroom and anywhere where there was smoking going on. The potatoes will absorb the smoke smell from the air.

But you will have to repaint the walls and ceiling and replace all the soft items (furniture, rugs, etc.) if you want the smell to go away completely.

Lost One

I'm sorry for asking this again, but does anyone know of any air filters or humidifiers or whatever that really help get rid of the residue of smoking?

I've been through the process of cleaning an entire house. Depending on how long it was smoked in:

1. An Ozone generator can be rented at most rental places and is the most effective way to get smoke out of the air and on the surfaces. You set it on a timer when you're gone and then open windows when you come home to replenish the O2 in the room.

2. Over time the surfaces in the room, especially the ceiling will become impregnated with smoke. It is best to repaint them with a shellac based paint to cover the odor. Buy it at HD.

3. The smoke can also get into the ductwork for the furnace. There are neutralizer sprays available at HD and Grainger sells a residential odor neutralizer that is placed in the furnace plenum.

Cigarette Smoke Air Purifiers & Smoke-Reducing Tips

The use of tobacco products in the home makes achieving the highest quality indoor air very challenging. The best home air purifiers that utilize HEPA filters and activated carbon technologies are proven to combat the pollution of a smoker's indoor air, but totally eliminating all smoke particles is difficult if the air is continually exposed to tobacco smoke. However, by taking a holistic approach to your indoor air quality and using appropriate filters, keeping indoor air clean is possible.

You can see further details at (I am not affiliated, nor am I soliciting): https://www.airpurifiers.com/pages/best-air-purifier-for-smoke-from-cigarettes

Thank you everyone - I'm taking steps now to addresses this. I have that company coming in Friday and I've bought some material in this thread. I will probably repaint some rooms and all that.

Nothing much to report. My STBXW wanted to talk to me this morning. I went down to Satan's lair and asked her what was up. She wanted to talk about my Son's birthday. His friend cancelled and we both want to make it special. His sister has an Oculus quest and he's been wanting one for a while now - that or a PlayStation. My STBXW was asking me which I think we should get him. I said the Oculus - it will be easier to transport. She then said 'okay, wow'. I didn't take the bait. I closed up the conversation and went back upstairs and then left for work.

Been thinking about you LostOne. Im sorry for how awful this has been.

I don’t know if your WW still tries to engage in your relationship anymore, but my mind has been trying to bet out the simplest statement you can make to relay to her your requirements at a minimum for exercise trying to start talking again.

And this is the best I have come up with to use when she tries and start any talk about your M. Here it is. Not sure how good it is, but thought I would share. Use it if it resonates at all with you.

Take care.

I wish you well and hope you find what you were missing and are looking for. Right now it’s clear that was never me.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 8:43 AM, January 30th (Thursday)]

Stevesn

Been thinking about you LostOne. Im sorry for how awful this has been.

Thank you - I appreciate it. You've been extremely helpful.

I don’t know if your WW still tries to engage in your relationship anymore, but my mind has been trying to bet out the simplest statement you can make to relay to her your requirements at a minimum for exercise trying to start talking again.

Kinda - but there's been a brief hiatus. I suspect she will attempt to engage more and more as the 18th of Feb comes closer.

And this is the best I have come up with to use when she tries and start any talk about your M. Here it is. Not sure how good it is, but thought I would share. Use it if it resonates at all with you.

Take care.

Thanks - you have a knack for this.

You have chosen to live with “ex-bf” as a part of your life. I refuse to have him involved in my life in any way shape or form, including as someone in my partner’s thoughts and dreams or any other role in any part of my family.

Since your choice conflicts with my requirements I have no choice but to move on without you in my life.

I wish you well and hope you find what you were missing and are looking for. Right now it’s clear that was never me.

I like this - a lot. I think I'll use it if the opportunity arises.

I wish I had memorized what you wrote Steven, as I was not prepared for last night.

So I went to an event at a school last night with my wife. It was about gifted programs for my son. On the way there my wife wanted to talk logistics about where I’ll be living. She doesn’t like my going to live with my parents – ostensibly because of my father’s smoking. I said that I don’t like that I’m going to have to pay for my children’s therapy. That none of this is my fault. She calmed down a bit and was saying something like ‘have you considered X, or Y’ – primarily scenarios I’m in the house in some fashion. I said no, that I cannot be in this house any longer than I have to. It’s too painful.

After that, I don’t recall how she started into it but she asked if I would try to work on the relationship. She said that she was trying and working on it, but that she needed time and she had to do it her way – that’s the only way that she can do this. I said that her way and her time led to a 4 year affair with no end in sight. I said that this is all on my time and my way or no way. I said that words/promises were meaningless – she’s already said and promised all this before and broken them. She said that she just needed to process this and that she’d do everything on my list – including taking a polygraph, she just had to do it her way. She said something and I said nothing justifies an affair. There were a few ‘I can’t talk to you’, I said excuses. She kept asking if I would try. I said I did try and got stabbed in the back. I said that I was no longer going to extend myself any further. I would be making no promises, I would be doing nothing. That this was all on her and that I had already tried – I told her that it’s hard enough to change yourself, but changing other people is impossible – so I will not be doing it. Things got a little heated, but we then went inside the school and calmed down. We didn’t talk about it on the way home.

She's apparently told her Godmother that she cut it off with him (again). I honestly don't think that matters. I don't know this, there's no evidence of this, plus she said this exact thing before.

She is still in crisis mode and will CONTINUE to say anything to you or anyone else in order to keep her current lifestyle!

I think you handled the conversation just fine. You made no promises and you told her that what she wants, says, and does no longer matter. From this point on, YOU are doing what is best for you!

And I can’t believe she is still spouting that garbage of having to do things on HER timeline!!! Simply unbelievable!!!! Translation: I’m going to continue to screw this guy and you should accept it!!!

Want some good news.... Tomorrow is February!!!

Keep moving forward!! You are doing just fine!! Only 18 days left!!! Just be careful as her actions are going to become more and more extreme as your moving date approaches!!

Stay strong!!! You’ve got this!!! You finally see her for the selfish and delusional shrew she is! Keep to 180 as much as possible!!!

Newlifeisgreat

She is still in crisis mode and will CONTINUE to say anything to you or anyone else in order to keep her current lifestyle!

I think you handled the conversation just fine. You made no promises and you told her that what she wants, says, and does no longer matter. From this point on, YOU are doing what is best for you!

I think you are correct. I just wish I wasn't as verbal as I was - Steven has a knack for conciseness that I lack.

And I can’t believe she is still spouting that garbage of having to do things on HER timeline!!! Simply unbelievable!!!! Translation: I’m going to continue to screw this guy and you should accept it!!!

Want some good news.... Tomorrow is February!!!

Yes, essentially.

Keep moving forward!! You are doing just fine!! Only 18 days left!!! Just be careful as her actions are going to become more and more extreme as your moving date approaches!!

Stay strong!!! You’ve got this!!! You finally see her for the selfish and delusional shrew she is! Keep to 180 as much as possible!!!

18 days until the process starts, then it's up to 8 weeks for the mediation to conclude - unfortunately. But essentially you are correct.

Why are you having conversations with her?

I don't know. Generally I've been something like 'we just shouldn't talk about this'. She brought up stuff that we would need to decide with regard to the upcoming mediation. So that's how it started. I don't even know how it switched over. I wasn't mentally prepared for it.

Her words are that of a cake eater. Nothing more.

You are right not to acknowledge. If she were remorseful and sincere you’d know it. She isn’t.

This is all about her and how it’s going to affect her.

With this attitude all you’ll probably get is another repeat.

After that, I don’t recall how she started into it but she asked if I would try to work on the relationship. She said that she was trying and working on it, but that she needed time and she had to do it her way – that’s the only way that she can do this.

Bullshit translator:

I’m cheating but I need you to fix yourself? I still need my boyfriend in my life but I want you to support me in that. Please continue to feed me more cake. I like cake a lot.

There is no try only do.

Marz

Her words are that of a cake eater. Nothing more.

You are right not to acknowledge. If she were remorseful and sincere you’d know it. She isn’t.

Bolding mine. I definitely feel that this is true.

This is all about her and how it’s going to affect her.

Yes - mixed with her trying to exert control over everything. Probably the same thing you are saying though.

With this attitude all you’ll probably get is another repeat.

I'm fairly certain I will. Probably many repeats.

Bullshit translator:

I’m cheating but I need you to fix yourself? I still need my boyfriend in my life but I want you to support me in that. Please continue to feed me more cake. I like cake a lot.

There is no try only do.

Yup. If her way worked we wouldn't be in this mess. Her way does nothing for me. Either she doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand that this isn't all about her - this is about how her actions have affected me.

Instead of grasping this simple truth she's trying to make it complicated. Trying to be a victim. Trying to exert control. Trying to show regret (for being caught).