Lurkingsoul12 ( member #82382) posted at 9:31 PM on Friday, May 19th, 2023
Devon99uk: thanks for the response. I agree with your reasoning.
Since historically and universally, looks, profession and wealth are used to measure the worth and value of a person, many BS would find it very difficult to understand the true meaning and depth of this 'affair down' concept.
Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 10:21 AM on Monday, May 22nd, 2023
Is affair down for both the cheaters or is it down for one and up for others??
They affair down from their BS is the primary message of the OP but also in looking for admiration reflected back at them, it makes sense they choose a AP in such a surface way.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 1:01 PM on Tuesday, August 29th, 2023
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Nancy45 ( new member #83497) posted at 1:56 AM on Wednesday, August 30th, 2023
This helps my insecurity. I was in shock when I saw who my partner was cheating on me with. She was way below both his and my physical attractiveness. Still, when I'm feeling down, I wonder if im making that up to make myself feel better. Personally, it helped my ego a little bit to see that she wasn't better than me (Knowing me, if I hadnt seen her, I would've built it up in my head that she was so much better than me). However, I also feel insulted that he somehow chose to sleep with that when he could've just had me. What was wrong with me? Deep down,I know it's his issues but sometimes it's hard to convince myself. He told me the reason for the affair was because he was insecure. I actually think this is the one thing he told the truth about.I think he needed someone below me to boost his incredibly selfish and fragile ego. He also had erectile dysfunction and I get upset thinking about why he would want to have sex with her when he could be pleasing me anytime he was able to have sex. But I guess this all plays into his insecurity.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 6:41 AM on Wednesday, August 30th, 2023
Nancy45, it does feed into his insecurity. The AP in my situation outweighed me by 100 pounds.
This thread isn't followed. It's usually bumped for new members to read.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 5:44 AM on Thursday, October 19th, 2023
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
Iamenough666 ( member #83217) posted at 7:37 AM on Thursday, October 19th, 2023
In my situation I find it ironic that my STBXWW complained about my weight gain, and that this has prevented us from doing outdoor things together such as hiking and cycling, (I have since lost a lot of that weight gain).
Then chose to move in with her AP who is larger/heavier than I am, has no interest in and would be unable to go hiking or cycling, guess he must have other admirable traits that are well hidden.
BH, M 21 years, Dday Apr 2023, Separated June 2023, D Final Sept 2024.
Life is not about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.
emergent8 ( member #58189) posted at 9:50 PM on Friday, January 12th, 2024
Bump for Groot. 
Me: BS. Him: WS.
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
Happily reconciled.
Vocalion ( member #82921) posted at 12:34 AM on Saturday, January 13th, 2024
The often stated assertion that WS always affair down is often a difficult concept for male BS to accept too. We question our self identity, our masculinity and suffer loss of self esteem and when the AP is measurably taller, younger, wealthier or any other measure of attractiveness, we feel the invidious comparison acutely.
When she says you're the only one she'll ever love, and you find out, that you're not the one she's thinking of,That's when you're learning the game.Charles Hardin ( Buddy) Holly...December 1958
Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 12:20 PM on Friday, February 16th, 2024
Groot1988 ( member #84337) posted at 12:54 PM on Friday, February 16th, 2024
Thank you emergent! I need to read this at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 
(On days I eat meals)
It is all so freaking true and here I am still questioning what is wrong with me. Infidelity blows.
[This message edited by Groot1988 at 12:54 PM, Friday, February 16th]
Married 5 years (together 11) Four children Me Bs 36Him WH 35- 4 month PA Dday Oct 6- lots of TT final disclosure Jan 16.
"If we walk through hell we might as well hold hands, we should make this a home"- citizen soldier
Webbit ( member #84517) posted at 9:20 AM on Wednesday, February 28th, 2024
OMG I freaking love this 💚
My husband (42) had his A with a 23 year old. At the time it really shook my self confidence but then I looked at her, like really looked at her. Without sound conceited I was the ‘hotter’ one. I’m 42, fit as fuck, proud of my small tits and am a manager in a man dominated industry. I have scars but they are battle scars from bearing children, of which he always wanted. So they are technically amazing lol.
She had to send naked photos to him to get his attention. And well he was just as pathetic as her and fell for it hook, line and sinker. Could it be any more cliche 🤦🏽♀️
They are both pathetic and weak in my eyes. She couldn’t even write back to me when I sent a very calm and well articulated message. Why? Cause she is gutless and got caught out in her bad behaviour. To me women are here to help and build each other up not tear each other down.
I know she wasn’t the one who was married to me so technically owed me nothing but come on!!!! What women, with a straight moral compass wants to just fuck a married middle aged over weight man? I know, one who is gutless and somehow feels validated because a pathetic old man want to screw her. Some days I actually feel bad for her.
As for my husband…. Well he has heard a lot lot worse from me. He is the most at fault here. I really hope we can get through this because beside all of this I do love him and he has a lot of good qualities. But he needs to change this shitty part of his personality and make me feel safe and special (his one and only) again!
Thank you for this post and sorry for the ramble but it really did make me feel quite empowered 💚
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 2:33 PM on Wednesday, March 13th, 2024
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 6:11 AM on Saturday, April 13th, 2024
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:40 AM on Wednesday, May 1st, 2024
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
Drix ( new member #84672) posted at 1:58 AM on Friday, May 17th, 2024
My WW definitely affaired down. I don't know about the the OBS never met her. But my WW is conventionally attractive for what the AP is/was an over weight balding guy he definitely was playing out of his league.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 10:22 PM on Tuesday, July 2nd, 2024
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:44 PM on Saturday, September 21st, 2024
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:37 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2024
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
Brittn ( member #84766) posted at 4:03 AM on Wednesday, October 16th, 2024
@Drixx, I'm interested in the phenomenon. Wonder what drew your wife to this troll looking guy. My wife's AP was socially low, but a good looking guy at least. I think I understood her motivation, but I admit, when we were dating, and I broke up with her for a year (long before our marriage) she dated a guy that looked like a movie inbred for almost a year, shagging him each weekend. I'm amazed that she could have been attracted to him (though again - we weren't together than and it' just curiosity in this case - I wasn't wronged here)
