SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm glad to see that you're moving forward with the lawyer and getting yourself free Vonbock. I understand also that your cheating wife is trying to manipulate you still. It's important that you run everything by your lawyer. If your cheating wife wants you to purchase a paper-clip for her for some reason, run it by your lawyer. Don't get caught doing something stupid.

Also I notice that you keep saying you know that the kids are yours. If you haven't had them DNA tested, I'd highly suggest you get that done. I know you think that they're yours and I hope that they are but the only way you can truly know is via a DNA test.

9/18 Edit: Thanks Kaliber. Scratch the above about the kids. I'd read Vonbock's post early on about them being IVF but forgot.

Knowing that you cheating wife has been using you since the beginning of your marriage ought to cause you to question everything you think is true. It sounds like she's very good at manipulation. Guard and protect yourself. I'd be making my own meals at this point if you know what I mean.

I wish the best for you. You have a great life ahead of you after this mess is over. You've already made yourself successful so the hard part is over. Make the rest of your life the happiest and best it's ever been. Take care of yourself.

[This message edited by Dismayed2012 at 9:56 AM, September 18th (Friday)]

Vonbock, good work on the forensic accountant!

Dismayed2012:

Also I notice that you keep saying you know that the kids are yours. If you haven't had them DNA tested, I'd highly suggest you get that done. I know you think that they're yours and I hope that they are but the only way you can truly know is via a DNA test.

Dismayed2012, Vonbock said on page 20:

Vonbock:

I dont need to dna my kids because they were conceived through ivf. I gave my sample that day to the clerk. If she switched samples, that would be lawsuit and the ivf clinic would be shut down. Everyone says the kids look like me.

Hopefully forensic accountant picks up something. They are still negotiating settlement, can forensic accountants find stuff without subpoena her finacials?

Man i just realized , when she played the fake game of trying to get me.to move out of the house because i emotionally scarred her over the years, I worked hard to try to save the family. When i told her i am going to divorce her, she never once mentioned saving kids and family. She wanted to know what devastating news i had, what new car should she get, and later screaming because i cancelled the credit card, Not once ever did she beg to save the family.

[This message edited by Vonbock at 7:40 AM, September 18th (Friday)]

Excellent job getting the forensic accountant.

You don't deserve any of this. You've found your anger. Now stay there.

Vonbock do you think your wife was always a narcissist or did she develop into one? What was she like when you married her?

[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:38 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]

Now I get word from my lawyer that other side doens't want to wait until November for mediation.

They want to get it done asap.

They are doing this so they stay in control of the narrative and you have less of a chance to thoroughly look at all her financial records. I would just simply tell my lawyer no thanks. You want all her financial records investigated and until that is done you will not move forward.

Her request for an expedited process is further proof that you need to have a forensic accountant go over her books with a fine tooth comb!!!!

What do you want when it comes to custody?

Things are looking up for you. Just keep moving straight ahead to your destination!!

Yup. Tell them you won't sign anything until her financials are fully inspected and disclosed. Put it in front of a judge if she doesn't comply.

She wanted to know what devastating news i had,

When you first started posting about how focused she was on this I though it was because she was suspious that you knew about her affair.... I"m now wondering if it had more to do with something financial she was messing with.

You're keeping your VAR on you right? She just seems like the type to pull the Fake DV thing on you. Please keep safe.

[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:36 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]

I know some folks very heavy into property management and rental properties right now. There are worse businesses in this world at the moment but not many. With all the pressure on rent moratoriums and eviction suspensions they are not getting rents paid at all in a lot of cases. (These guys concentrate on low-end rentals so even in the best of times they are constantly dealing with this but right now their cash flow is just dead.) I know things go in cycles and this too shall pass but unless she can buy cheap this is a really bad time to jump into this. You are lucky to not be involved.

What the forensic accountant will do though is look for things that don't make sense. Withdrawls that don't show up a deposits somewhere, bills that get paid and there is no clear indication where the money came from. For example she pays her credit card off with a deposit that was made in cash for the exact amount of the bill or something very close. There is no corresponding withdrawl from any account, personal or business, so where did the cash come from? Most likely a hidden account. Or her expenditures consistently are more than her reported income. How? She's hiding income. It will take access to her accounts but getting statements like that are a normal part of divorce and if she won't produce them then you know she's hiding something.

[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:37 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]

Vonbock, it doesn't matter what the other side wants. They want what is in their best interest. You need to look out of for your best interest. And to answer you yes, they have to provide all of their financial disclosures. Its part of the legal process.

You lawyer should know this. Let her know, that you are not willing to just mediate. How can you even mediate what you don't know. The whole point with disclosures is so that you know the whole picture. Right now, you don't know anything about her optometry practice. You don't know about her funds, and you probably don't know where money may be hiding. How can you make an educated guess as to what you are mediating or settling on without having the entire picture. No different than as a Dr. you don't know all the underlying conditions, how can you be sure that you are providing the best care possible.

Use your anger and the time you're spending right now ruminating about your marriage and be forceful in your divorce. Demand that your attorney get all the financial information from your wife. She is obligated by law to disclose those things, than have the foresenic accountant go over those items with a fine tooth comb. You are going to find something, I just know it. And it will be to your advantage.

If you feel used by your ex-wife, and it surely sounds like she married you b/c of the promise of a cushy life with a doctor, take that anger and get a good divorce settlement.

Let me give you one example of how my shady ex and her family went about hiding money. They go to the supermarket and overtime they come out, they get cashback even if all they're buying is ice-cream. So it looks like they spent $300 at the grocery store, and to the Judge and everyone else, they look like a good parent buying groceries for the kids, but when you look back at the history of spending at the grocery stores, it was never ever $300 every trip. We probably spent like $400-500 bucks a month on groceries. That went way up, and we figured it out. This is just one way they screw you. So make sure you do not just settle. Get the financials. Tell your lawyer to get ready for a fight, and if they are not on board, get a different lawyer.

Yeah she is setting you up for a hosing. Demand the financials... all of them, or no deal.

I researched this Forensic Accounant - He looks top noth with huge firm and partner. HOw much per hour do these guys run?

Well, they ain't cheap, but you know what will be MORE expensive? Having your STBX take you for every penny.

You are in control now-- you have seized initiative. Take as long as you please with the accounting. That way they can't hide anything under the rug. I'm getting the strong vibe she's hiding an illicit income she hasn't paid taxes on. You need to root that out.

Maybe that's why she wants to expedite this.

She hates it when I ignore her.

Well, yeah. Narcissists tend to hate being ignored. They also have zero sense of reality. You are grasping this, I can see that. Here's your evidence-- you haven't been hiding your reaction to her insane "Invest in my LLC" nags. Yet, she persists in the idea that somehow you'll be friends some day and that you would be willing to bankroll her business schemes.

You know why everyone repeats "Implement the 180" constantly? It works. It's working now.

Vonbock,

Do not allow your wife to control this process.

Leaving aside the issue of whether she has been stealing from you, or whether she is trying to set you up so that she can take you to the cleaners in the divorce settlement, if there is even a slight chance that she has been doing anything illegal, you MUST get a forensic accountant to examine her finances to establish that you were nothing to do with her activities.

If she has been using her clinic as a front for laundering 'dirty' money, or faking her tax returns, you need to establish that you were not an accomplice to that.

Vonbock

I own a number of businesses myself. Ive bought a few, and sold a few (all retail). Of the ones I've come to look at for purchase, in my experience, when they ask for a speedy sale, 99.9% of the time there is something suspicious going on.

I've been lucky enough to dodge bullets as some of these have underlying issues which I would have inherited if I had not taken my time. In the buying process, you always scrutineer the books and accounting. Hell, some even had issues with the landlord (behind on rent) that the new owner will cop.

The point of this story - TAKE UR TIME. Pay what ever the forensic acct wants. Last thing you need now, is for something that could possibly come up later to bite you... Protect urself. I'm 100% convinced there is something going on, and but hurrying the process through, they are hopeful you will overlook and miss these things.

Think of it this way. It will be cheaper in the long run to pay for the Forensic Accountant, especially if something is found. Just because you may be divorced when something arises doesn't mean your not somewhat liable.