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HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 11:45 PM on Friday, September 18th, 2020
Vonbock- You don't have to find the most expensive or best forensic accountant. Set aside some money, say $3-5k, and talk to them about your situation. They will go to work for you to trace the money. I'm letting you know now, it is worth it. You can make that up in a week. More importantly, you're probably going to find more money your wife was hiding, that you didn't know about. Thats house money.
IN addition, like M1965 said, you don't want to be tied to her shady business, and if you can knock that out now, you will set yourself up to be in the clear once the D is over.
You don't need to be in a rush, remember she is for one reason and one reason alone. They are trying to hide something and get something over your head. That's why in business, they always tell you to watch out for people that try to close too quickly. There is a reason they are pushing you. Don't play into that game.
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 11:54 PM on Friday, September 18th, 2020
That's what I was warning about as Hman said with the story of my BIL. It's what might come later that can bite you. Good on your lawyer for getting the forensic accountant.
I don't know if this has been asked of you yet, Vonbock, or if you've mentioned it. Have you changed beneficiaries on your life insurance policies. When a COW's wife cheated on him years ago the first thing his lawyer said to him was to change beneficiaries. And make it known.
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
Vonbock (original poster member #75204) posted at 12:33 AM on Saturday, September 19th, 2020
[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:38 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]
Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 1:45 AM on Saturday, September 19th, 2020
Stay the course, Vonbock. You're doing great all things considered.
2025: Me-59 FWH-61 Married 41 years grown daughters- 41 & 37. 1 GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); Five grands ages 15 to 8. D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant
Vonbock (original poster member #75204) posted at 5:15 AM on Saturday, September 19th, 2020
[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:39 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]
Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 9:05 AM on Saturday, September 19th, 2020
Brother who care what the forensic accountant charges. They are looking after your best interest.
Stay in the house until your lawyer says she has to move out. She wants to end the marriage she moves out!!
One day at a time
Freeme ( member #31946) posted at 2:40 PM on Saturday, September 19th, 2020
Does the 180 work on narcisstic people? It is helping me pull back but does it affect her at all?
Depends on what you mean by the word "work". Narcissitic people hate the 180. They see that they are loseing control of you and don't like being ignored. They don't like not knowing what's going on in your head they don't like not being able to manipulate you...They don't like indiference.
This means she will be acting out more. Doing things to pull you back in and/or piss you off. This is why you need a VAR on you at all times and need to keep conversations short and to the point and only about the kids. You can tell her to have her lawyer talk to your lawyer. You can use conversation enders like... I'm sorry you feel that way.
Good luck
Vonbock (original poster member #75204) posted at 3:43 PM on Saturday, September 19th, 2020
[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:39 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]
Freeme ( member #31946) posted at 4:19 PM on Saturday, September 19th, 2020
Trust me. The ignore game is soooo much better than the rageing. Just answer her kid questions as if you don't notice the ignoring. do not show that it bothers you. Act happy if you can and keep busy doing your own stuff. Do not let her ignoring you bother you.
Soon she is going to want something from you it's best if you are detached and not needy when it happens.
squid ( member #57624) posted at 7:01 PM on Saturday, September 19th, 2020
Be cold as ice. Civil, not mean. No emotion.
The price of the forensic accountant will be far less than what your STBXWW will try to take you for. It's an investment that will save you far more than what you will pay.
BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18
This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.
BindassBP ( member #75283) posted at 8:36 PM on Saturday, September 19th, 2020
EVerything else she does by text about the kids.
This is because texts can be used as a proof showing how mmuch she cares for her children and how much time she spent on them.
Keep a VAR or switch on the mobile audio recording around her.
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 9:20 PM on Saturday, September 19th, 2020
The tax issue is not necessarily a reason to take your time. It can also be a great lever to get you a divorce to your advantage. She might be willing to make concessions to meet the deadline.
The texting is a very sensible thing for her to do and is actually worrying. It indicates she’s getting advice from someone and is tactically savvy. Your best bet is to match it with your own comparable texts. It’s important for you to journal your days, time and activities with kids and so on.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
Vonbock (original poster member #75204) posted at 3:07 AM on Sunday, September 20th, 2020
[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:40 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]
squid ( member #57624) posted at 3:31 AM on Sunday, September 20th, 2020
Let your lawyer handle it. Tell him to go for the throat...within legal bounds.
He can negotiate your best outcome for you. Don't listen to her narrative. It isn't based in reality anyways. Despite what you think, so long as you don't waiver and demand what is right, this will work out fairly for you. Any judge will see what she is trying to do.
Stay tough.
BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18
This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.
Tempocontour ( member #65971) posted at 2:52 AM on Monday, September 21st, 2020
With her being such a HUGE manipulator, you really need a lawyer. Stop talking/texting her except when it come to the kids. Kids only. Anything else....silence. Hard 180 her.
Vonbock (original poster member #75204) posted at 6:42 AM on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2020
[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:40 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]
squid ( member #57624) posted at 12:19 PM on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2020
Look up a book called "Splitting". It deals with divorcing a narcissist.
She won't let up. But a judge will also see this. I don't think mediation will produce anything fair for you. Even if you got in front of a judge, she still wouldn't accept the final judgement. But that's not your problem.
BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18
This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.
Vonbock (original poster member #75204) posted at 2:19 PM on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2020
Hopefully, she is in the devaule discard phase with me. She doesn't need me anymore so she can move on to her new bf, rental homes, and her new life. Since she was wanting to get settlement done quickly, I am hoping she won't fight as much.
If she was still.needing me, then most likely she will fight to the end and beyond.
Sceadugenga ( member #74429) posted at 5:23 PM on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2020
Even if she's in the final devaluation/discard phase, she doesn't need YOU as a person but it doesn't mean she doesn't need the money and other things. She may well fight tooth and nail to get a favourable settlement. If she's willing to make significant concessions, it could mean she has an ulterior motive. Don't let your guard down before the papers are signed by the judge.
Freeme ( member #31946) posted at 6:49 PM on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2020
She sure "Wants" a lot of things...
- No lawyer (at first)
- Mediation
- Everything the moon and the stars
- To remain "friends"
- it to be over quickly
I still think there is something shady going on and am very happy you have gotten a forensic Accountant involved.
She was doing so much Shady stuff while you were married - trying to get you to move out. Trying to get you to buy into an LLC. Trying to get you to buy a house near her boyfriend. All of the big checks you would cash. I don't doubt that this is the tip of the ice berg.
Most people that really want a quick divorce arn't asking for much in the settlement because they don't want to spend the time fighting. It doesn't seem like that's the case with her.
Has your lawyer said anything about you or her moving out?
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