Topic is Sleeping.
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 2:54 PM on Monday, April 27th, 2020
Phoenix
You helped me survive infidelity.
Never forget that you deserve fidelity. You are worthy of love.
It helped me to view my situation as an opportunity to get the love I always wanted.
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
GraceLove ( member #59212) posted at 5:54 AM on Tuesday, April 28th, 2020
Awe...Phoenix! I hadn't come onto the site for quite a long time and this was the first post I clicked. I'm soooo sorry to hear what you are going through. I just can't imagine.
You were very instrumental, and downright essential, in my journey through my early days especially, and it really saddens me to hear what you are going through.
I also find you to be most courageous because I can imagine that post was hard to write.
Big hugs. Seriously big hugs.
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 10:20 AM on Tuesday, April 28th, 2020
Wow Phoenix, what a dick move from asswipe!!!!!!! 
I'm sorry he wasn't able to appreciate your goddessness, but I'm glad that you were able to figure it out and cut him off - and out - at the pass.
My head is still spinning from hearing this, but I know you will continue to thrive. You know your true worth. Too bad not everyone does.
And thank you for sharing that most valuable lesson of all - TRUST YOUR GUT!!
((((Phoenix))))
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
Hedwig ( member #74175) posted at 5:50 PM on Tuesday, May 12th, 2020
I am so sorry this happened to you. This is one of the worst fears I (and I believe many others) have.
But your lesson is very valuable: we have survived before and we will (if it happens) again.
Dday - 10/2018
Caught them, EMDR helped
Ended the relationship after false R for 1,5 years
J707 ( member #63778) posted at 2:55 PM on Wednesday, May 13th, 2020
I'm so sorry Phoenix. What a dick! As you said, not your first rodeo but still!! You are a strong woman, that comes out in your writings here on SI. You know you'll survive. It is one of my biggest fears but I know I have the tools in my toolbag if it happens. Hugs to you!!! Get that bucket list!!
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 10:55 PM on Thursday, May 14th, 2020
(((Phoenix))) You are one strong lady that I admire here. I am so sorry he turned into a frog too 
I will never understand the logic cheaters use to explain their behavior. It always sounds like a child who gets caught in a lie.
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
josiep ( member #58593) posted at 12:51 AM on Friday, May 15th, 2020
Can I have his address and phone number, please?
BW, was 67; now 74; M 45 yrs., T 49 yrs.DDay#1, 1982; DDay#2, May, 2017. D July, 2017
Phoenix1 (original poster member #38928) posted at 2:01 AM on Friday, May 15th, 2020
Thanks everyone, and you made me chuckle, Josie... 
Point being, bad stuff happens to good people all the time. Always has, always will. Your mindset plays a critical part of how well you overcome it, or not. I *choose* to remain happy and positive in spite of it. The alternative is simply not appealing. Doesn't mean I don't get sad at times, but I choose not to take up residence in those feelings. There is no one, and I mean no one, that I will relinquish enough power to that will change that mindset.
It's sunny outside, birds are chirping, and I'm basking in the beauty and serenity that nature offers free of charge.
Onward and upward! 
fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~
WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 2:47 AM on Friday, May 15th, 2020
There is no one, and I mean no one, that I will relinquish enough power to that will change that mindset.
Thanks infidelity! Sincerely!! I think this is the gift that trauma gives us, once we have healed.
Rock on, Phoenix!!
I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural
barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 3:45 PM on Monday, May 18th, 2020
I'm sorry Phoenix. I'm glad that you are chin up, stiff upper lip and all that ... but still... you have my condolences.
Point being, bad stuff happens to good people all the time.
That's what it comes down to, doesn't it?
My GF often asks me how I handle all of the crap that STBXW did to me and still does to me. And the answer is... that I am not responsible for the bad stuff that she does to me. I am only responsible for how I respond. I haven't always responded the best, but I have gotten better at it.
Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.
J707 ( member #63778) posted at 8:53 PM on Monday, May 18th, 2020
Not to T/J but... Barcher, you aren't divorced yet! My god. Sorry dude. I thought mine took a long time.
Topic is Sleeping.
