SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

To all Farters,

If you feel that you have impressive farts please release one or many at 4pm today and send them to Ontario. If you could clear the traffic out a bit, I'd appreciate it. I'm going for drinks for 5pm and the traffic is a pain.

I can hold my breath, those other suckers will have to pull over.

I will be the only one who knows it isn't fog.

There's a scene where a letter received from Hannebell is being smelled by a group of people. They have the ability to smell each ingredient in a hand cream Hannebell used when he wrote the letter. Those types of people must be so overwhelmed by farts! They could probably tell you what exactly you ate...

So... Let me get this straight...

You start a thread that goes almost four pages long asking about what kind of hand cream you should use...

and while my post was the last one on that thread and therefore killing it for the space of half of the month of February...

The last and seemingly definitive word we all get out of you on the topic of hand creams involve you sourcing and citing fictional psychopaths' dermatological habits and others using Wolverine-ish, pregnant-mom-like super CSI powers of heavily engaged olfactory senses to delve into the secret ingredients therein involved and employed to make his job just that much easier on his cracked, dry, and bleeding hands!?!

I don't know about killing "threads" but...

Between your taste in movies...

and your taste in available hand creams...

Along with your taste in who to take dermatological advice from...

I think a picture of YOU is going to be way scarier than that tarantula of yours, at THIS point, Dragonheart!

Although, maybe posting one of this infamous "Hannah Belle" of yours would be equally mortifying to reckon with...

[This message edited by Cephastion at 12:38 PM, February 13th (Wednesday)]

Here is how I picture the fictional nefarious Hannabelle[Lifter?], btw...

I think she's the evil, but lesser known twin sister of Hannibal Lecter, btw, but she starred in more mildly rated films like Throw Momma From the Train and Goonies.

Admittedly, the resemblance is a little uncanny however.

Good thing you look more like Drew Barrymore and adorable Pokellamas, Dragonheart!

But I guess when you see those pictures all you're thinking of is asking her what brand of hand cream she uses so you can just roll with that celebrity endorsement!

ETA:

Those types of people must be so overwhelmed by farts! They could probably tell you what exactly you ate...

If you ask me, she looks like SHE'S the one that's been obviously smelling what NTV has been "cooking & brewing" all of these years! I'd probably look like that if I had a bionic nose anywhere around that guy as well...

[This message edited by Cephastion at 12:51 PM, February 13th (Wednesday)]

Ok fine I can't spell. This is the Hannibal I was referring to.

I was to lazy to go look at the movie off the shelf....

Ok to tired not lazy. Third time doing the driveway and I had to fill horses water again.

In regards to the movie I hated that they used Julianne Moore for the part this time. She just didn't feel right.

Tallgirl

Are you looking to clear the roads since people won't be able to see due to fart fog?

Or is it the combined heat generated may be enough to melt some.of this fluffy white crap? I'm sooooo sick of shovelling. Even the blower is like nope I'm done. It's not blowing the snow anymore. More like spitting it out in front of itself.

To all Farters,

If you feel that you have impressive farts please release one or many at 4pm today and send them to Ontario

Farts Unite! We will form the voltron of flatulence! It will be a fart forum for folks (4F... is that trademarked?)

Ah poot, its already 5 something. Can't believe I missed the first all farts anonymous meeting.

On the topic of farts, the greatest and one that cannot be compared to is one let out by Andre The Giant during the filming of the movie The Princess Bride.

He let out a 16 second fart that halted filming...The following is a quote from one of the producers or directors(?).

During the shoot, which Elwes said lasted for about a month-and-a-half, the cast and crew grew very close. "I can't remember a day without laughter," he said. [Director] Rob Reiner acted as the father of the group, hosting dinners for the cast and encouraging game nights and other hang outs. One indication that the group was going to jell came on the first day, Elwes said, when wrestler Andre the Giant, who played Fezzik in the movie, "let out a 16 second fart and brought production to a standstill." "It could be heard three counties away," Elwes said with a laugh. "Nobody said anything except Rob, who said 'Are you OK, Andre?' and André replied, 'I am now, boss.' He was comfortable enough to do that!"

Now that's a fart!!!

I didn't know that about The Princess Bride. Might be one of my favourite shows. Three daughters so we watched it a lot.

Speaking of ingrediants, there's a difference between turnip and onion. I have an open flame gas stove. There should be a safety warning.

The absolutely WORST fart that I ever had the misfortune to be a victim of was in early 1969. It was in the Sacramento approach control for metro Sacramento and McKellen AFB.

One of the radar maint. men walked into the radar room (with all the controllers and all the radar scope's) and cut one. In 2 minutes the entire radar room had been evacuated! NOBODY was talking to ANY aircraft that had been under radar control! 30 mile radius surface to 20,000 feet. At least 3 civilian and 3 military airports sudden radio silence from approach control.

An Operational Hazard Report was filed and said employee received a very bad write up, was restricted from entering the radar room except when working on the radar and advised that if it ever happened again he would be fired instantly.

One of the things I put on the list of things I don't miss about the Rat Bastard: I don't have to listen to or smell his farts anymore.

<I'm going in for the kill, now>

The Rat Bastard and I met 51 yrs. ago today. On a blind date. I was smitten the moment I opened the door to my dorm room.

2 yrs. ago today, he bought me flowers for our 49th. While he was in the middle of the A.

Farts Unite! We will form the voltron of flatulence! It will be a fart forum for folks (4F... is that trademarked?)

Ah poot, its already 5 something. Can't believe I missed the first all farts anonymous meeting

.

I think GREENPIECE is still available for you to snap up as a moniker for your new international "movement" that the Candylandians and you are all "pushing for".

And you might even get to have some easy funding come your way with a little well placed misdirection of your organization and its mission and purpose with a copycat web page or Gofundme page that targets environmentalists who never did well in English grammar (spelling) classes in school. (I'd start with Dragon Heart for a sure win to start off with, just to play it safe and sound first. )

Maybe you could even restart and piggy back the old frozen-pupsickles-on-a-stick fundraiser that died out a while ago for lack of momentum and public support here in the SI community. (Although that one might cost you Dragon's otherwise staunch moral support )

[This message edited by Cephastion at 8:41 PM, February 13th (Wednesday)]

Josiep

The Rat Bastard and I met 51 yrs. ago today. On a blind date. I was smitten the moment I opened the door to my dorm room.

2 yrs. ago today, he bought me flowers for our 49th. While he was in the middle of the A.

I didn't see this until after I already posted my silly fruitcake nonsense that ended up just following on the heels your post Josiep...

I guess he figured you'd just stay "blind" to it all and to his true nature at heart...

I'm sorry that a day like today should hold such awful, dark connections of lies instead of love towards you from the one you trusted and were smitten with and gave most of your life and love to...instead of today being the happy occasion that it was always SUPPOSED to be for you.

I was blind and smitten from day one MYSELF with my wayward spouse, even though it wasn't exactly a blind date we were on when we met.

49 YEARS...

I'm only about to begin year 26 of my marriage here shortly. I cannot imagine how hard today must have been for you if it means anything like what it seems like it did to you for so long of a time as that.

I think I'd have to hold a virtual funeral/memorial ceremony in its place just to acknowledge the loss of something so... Awful as that.

And by that I mean the loss of your time and energy and hope into a lost cause of such a large scale. Not the loss of the author of that disaster.

Maybe you could just shoot some flaming arrows at inflatable Cupid effigies happily positioned in people's yards around this time of year. (JK)

Or buy some Valentine's day cards and start a nice little marshmallow roast or hot dog roast using them as kindling or fuel. And then feed the hot dogs to your dog or cat.

Anyway, just wanting to say I hear you. Crappy Blind Date Day and Crappy Valentine's Day Eve, Josiep.

[This message edited by Cephastion at 11:04 PM, February 13th (Wednesday)]

((Josiep)) you have appropriately named your WS. Sorry that today is not a good one.

I don’t fart. It’s just my body.

However, chili you are NOT a thread killer. You’re so smart and so kind and so giving.

I literally started a thread about being a thread killer two years ago. Yeah, no one responded!!

I’m not only a thread killer, I just slaughter the shit out of them from the get go.

Apparently, there's been a party going on here that I didn't know about.

(((josiep)))

Happy Valentine's Day to ALL you Thread Killers, with my most tender wishes for Love, Joy, and Contentment to Each of Yous, especially josiep!

*I am a descendant of midwesterners...

Happy Valentine’s to you all. I will raise a glass of red wine tonight by my happy self to toast the fun in this thread.

I apologize ahead of time for post red wine thread killer comments.

Oops let one go.

I howelled out loud last night from some of your posts.

Thank you for the chuckles.

I didn't know that about The Princess Bride. Might be one of my favourite shows. Three daughters so we watched it a lot.

The kids watched it yesterday. Seems to be a favorite.

Speaking of ingrediants, there's a difference between turnip and onion. I have an open flame gas stove. There should be a safety warning.

Ok I gotta ask...Do you mean there's a difference cooking onions vs turnips on an open gas stove OR the gas created frome ating them is different and deadly if a fart escapes close to the gas stove?

WH new reduced hours has me totally screwed up!

That and the kids being home due to multiple snow days...

I was about to SPF when he reminded me its only Thursday...

I want it to be Friday...