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Glad he had OW #2

betrayed 35 posted 10/24/2020 12:05 PM

Sometimes I am glad he cheated again. Anyone else feel this way? I don't think I would have ever left my unhappy marriage. I always joked I will be a happy princess in my next life. Well now I get to be a happy person in this life. Right now it's lonely at times, but there are plenty of happy stress free days. I am glad she is still in his life because that makes this divorce go through no matter what. His true colors have come out for me to see. She can have him and his narcissistic ways...There are plenty of days I just wish we could get a divorce and her not be in the picture. But then I remember he would be manipulating me and I would never probably to through with the divorce.

VictimofLies posted 10/24/2020 12:21 PM

I thought I was the only one who felt this way! My WH has only had one affair (that I know of), and I feel like I need to at least try to repair the marriage, but my fear of it happening again (because he's not remorseful) haunts me to the point of actually hoping he would just do it again soon so I have the answer to my "will he" question and give me the courage and anger to D without regret.

BearlyBreathing posted 10/24/2020 13:28 PM

Yeah, totally. We had another D-DAy and although it crushed me, it made my path crystal clear. I then KNEW what I had to do. Until that, I think I would have pushed to keep the M going and it would have been awful. Looking back, I suspect his A was a deal-breaker from day 1 and I would have been one of those who thought they were in R but later realized I wanted to D. HIs shitty actions allowed me to cut right to the best path forward for me.

DottyPotty posted 10/24/2020 14:08 PM

Just had my second D-Day (also married to a narcissist). Feel broken however like you, a sense of relief that I’m out of this misery, his lies, the deceit and emotional abuse.

crazyblindsided posted 10/24/2020 15:44 PM

Yes the fact that my STBX kept cheating helped empower me to detach and finally leave. I'm so happy to be alone.

Justsomeguy posted 10/24/2020 16:42 PM

If a BS is just waiting for WS to screw up again, how is that not outsourcing responsibility for your own life? I mean, it would seem that they are already checked our, but waiting for some 3xternsl permission to do the very thing that they want to do. Is it because they want to look like the victim to others? Is there a societal pressure? When I pulled the plug, it was because my WW was not good enough for me. She did not meet my standards for not only R, but a partner. This I made very clear to her. After the A, the bar is much higher for a WS, not lower.

Gottagetthrough posted 10/24/2020 16:56 PM

I can’t say that I’m glad that there was an OW 2. The first 0W, I felt a great sense of betrayal, and disbelief. It wasn’t until his answer to my divorce filing where he said that he slept with her on such and such date, which was actually a lie he slept with her two months earlier before we had separated, that I truly believed that he was having a physical affair. I remember reading those words and the filing, that he had sex with 0W, and was just so crushed. I can’t put into words how crushed I felt. Even though I knew, this was him saying it.

With 0W 2, I very quickly accepted it, because of course it’s not out of the realm of possibility. He’s done it before! But it was just a feeling of how stupid have I been to trust this guy, who showed me his true colors 10 years before. I guess I just felt so much more stupid with the second OW.

BrokenheartedUK posted 10/24/2020 17:31 PM

Although I could have written BearlyBreathing's post word for word, I'll address this:

If a BS is just waiting for WS to screw up again, how is that not outsourcing responsibility for your own life? I mean, it would seem that they are already checked our, but waiting for some 3xternsl permission to do the very thing that they want to do. Is it because they want to look like the victim to others? Is there a societal pressure?

I get where you're coming from but I wouldn't have said I was either checked out or bowing to any social pressure. I really wanted my M to work, but after 13 months of a long slog of trying to R with someone who wouldn't/couldn't do the work, the discovery of broken NC was an actual relief. It was the definitive proof that I needed to determine that my M was well and truly toast. It's not about being the victim, on the contrary, it gave me the momentum to end what had become an epically shitty marriage. It was a bolt of clarity that I hadn't been able to grasp prior to DDay 2: that my WS would never respect my needs, that staying in my M was untenable, and that despite trying my utmost to keep it together I couldn't do it alone. I would like to think that I would have eventually left him (and I'm pretty sure that I would) but the moment of Dday 2 was nothing short of a gift.

My Ex repartnered with his current GF about 5 months after I ended the M. I couldn't give less of a shit about that or her. In fact, I wish her well and glad she's taken him off my hands.

travels posted 10/24/2020 17:32 PM

Yep, I'm glad he had OW #whatevershewas. She was the one he finally left me for. At the time, I was crushed and devastated.
Time and NC allowed me to see him for who he was. She did me a favor.

skeetermooch posted 10/24/2020 18:20 PM

Omg if my STBX didn't have a second dday with hooker #8034 I don't know how long I would've lingered in that cesspool of a marriage, letting him gaslight and blame me. It was exactly what I needed to get angry and clear. That anger got me to file the divorce within a week and it freed me of every last doubt, hope and dream I had for him and our marriage.

It's a suck ass journey to indifference but I am certain of my destination.

IrishGirlVA posted 10/27/2020 10:24 AM

It took the introduction of OW #2 to put the nail in the coffin for me too. In hindsight, I'm so grateful.

The first one, I was able to deal with the 'shame on you' scenario. But the second, the 'shame on me' situation, was what did me in.

Turned out I was able to forgive him for his first indiscretion more than I was able to forgive myself for being burned a second time.

Gottagetthrough posted 10/27/2020 15:52 PM


The first one, I was able to deal with the 'shame on you' scenario. But the second, the 'shame on me' situation, was what did me in.

Turned out I was able to forgive him for his first indiscretion more than I was able to forgive myself for being burned a second time.

IrishGirl— i fond myself thinking that too!!! “Fool me once , shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”

Hopefully when the dust has settled i will be grateful. Now all i cam think is “are you f**** serious ?! Dont you remember what happened last time?” (I was crushed but made out much better than he did. He cant live on his own)

betrayed 35 posted 10/27/2020 16:58 PM

She did me a favor

I think this is what I was trying to say. I hate her, but I am grateful for her... He was very manipulative, but once you have NC and start seeing them for who they really are, it's eye opening...

I am happier than I have been in a long time. I have some days that I am lonely or mad that he gets to have someone and I don't. Then I remember I have tons of family and friends and all he has is HER... My kids love and respect me, someday they will see ALL his true colors. They see some now, but he is acting as father of the year right now...

twicefooled posted 10/31/2020 11:33 AM

I am grateful for DDay#2 for this exact reason. We had a very unhealthy marriage to begin with but I wanted to make it work after Dday#1.

DDay#1 destroyed me. DDay#2 saved me. Since 2014, my life has been my own and my children are thriving. Their dad? Not so much. But he hasn't changed a bit since DDay#2 so I'm confident he would be the same whether we were there or not.

He leaves me mostly alone when he has a girlfriend, so I'm always happy to hear when he has a new one :)

99problems posted 10/31/2020 21:05 PM

I am grateful that I found out the exit affair that ended fake R.
It was far more than DDay#2 because of such an enormous amount of trickle truth (I eventually just stopped asking because I could find out more on my own than with her help).
But being set free of the cage that I built for myself has been an amazing blessing, nothing short of it.
And now I can rebuild my life in a much better way, and become a better person who doesn't need a psychopath's permission to be happy.
It makes me sick and ashamed to even think about it. However, I am making good progress in IC and feeling better every day.

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