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I witnessed a D-Day

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Booyah posted 9/29/2020 21:15 PM

Nobody ever said doing the right thing is easy.....and in these cases it's extremely hard and takes a lot of courage to do so.

This woman needed to know the truth of what was going on behind her back.

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing". Edmund Burke

Damn straight!!!

StrugglingCJ posted 9/30/2020 08:46 AM

It was the right thing to do.. A few people knew about my Wife's affair.. One of them I thought was a friend of mine.. The others were the AP family and friends..

It would have made a big difference to me to know what I only suspected was true.. I could have dealt with things much earlier.. Had more of my life without the shadow of doubts hanging over it.

If I ever have the chance to tell someone.. I will.. The truth shall set you free... But first it WILL piss you off..

Underserving posted 9/30/2020 08:59 AM

Wanted to echo what others are saying. You absolutely did the right thing. Iím sure it was hard. Iím proud of you.

BearlyBreathing posted 9/30/2020 08:59 AM

100%. You did the right thing.

DevastatedDee posted 9/30/2020 09:46 AM

I very much wish someone in our friend group had told me. You did the right thing. I would have been saved being made an ass of for at least an extra year and avoided being exposed to an unknowable number of prostitutes. Maybe would have avoided HPV altogether. I wouldn't have purchased a new car, which would have made my finances easier now. It's going to hurt like nothing else whenever you find out, but the earlier the better for so many reasons.

survrus posted 9/30/2020 10:12 AM


I would have paid someone at least $1000 if they told me the truth. So this is a free gift for the OMW.

OMW will add at least $1000 of family income, if she stops OM from spending money on hotels, lunches and whatever, not to mention the value of years of her life.

It's almost too like you were a witness to a crime who never gave testimony until now, good work.

brokenInDenver posted 9/30/2020 10:38 AM

Thank you all for your outpouring of support. It has helped me so much these past few days and I have to say today i feel so much better. i know I did the right thing, in my heart I feel it. Not only because of your support but since the initial disclosure the OBS has reached out to me for additional details on the affair but also to thank me for telling her.

Turns out she and her husband have been working through infidelity issues for over a year now anyway. OM has had several APs and evidently is trickle truth because OBS did not know about my wife. I think that ongoing lie has set them back which is why she was so upset, its another D-Day for her to be sure. Also I learned that she found out he is a cheater because he gave her the clap. I can't tell you how thankful I am that my wife didn't give me any disease (we've both been tested). But that was dumb luck, she wasn't safe with any of her partners... how selfish is that! How stupid do you have to be to have sex without using a condom - don't mean to go off topic. Anyway... back to this topic, I can't help but wonder that maybe if I told the OBS the very moment i knew about the cheating... maybe I could have saved her from getting sick. I'm not going to wrestle with that, it is what it is but if you can learn from my story my advice is no matter what... tell the OBS and tell her as soon as you can... its the right thing, its the human thing to do.

Also... from a selfish point of view it feels good having those lies exposed. I hate having been part of that lie for so long and having it out there feels amazing.

whatisloveanyway posted 10/1/2020 07:23 AM

Wow good for you! You have a clear conscience and a cleaner slate to move forward. You did the morally right thing, don't judge yourself for not acting sooner. You acted as soon as you were able. And the reason it was so painful to watch, I imagine, is because you have the empathy that only another BS can understand. Best of luck moving forward.

Butforthegrace posted 10/1/2020 07:40 AM


Do I correctly understand from your posts on this thread that your WW had more than one A with more than one AP? In other threads, you have referred to your WW's A (singular).

Does your WW know that you told the OBS? Does she know about the STD? What has she said to you about either of these things?

SlapNutsABingo posted 10/1/2020 09:53 AM

By not telling, you take away that persons right to decide the path and course their life will take.....

Tigersrule77 posted 10/1/2020 10:12 AM

broken, one of the important things to remember, is that YOU didn't cause her pain, her WS did. He was the cause, you were just the messenger. I would imagine the feeling is similar to doctors who have to tell patients they have cancer or some other disease. They probably hate giving them the news, even thought it isn't their fault. But better that the patient know, so they can choose how to deal with it.

thatbpguy posted 10/1/2020 10:55 AM

It hurts for the both of you- but it is the right thing to do.

I like the way Butforthegrace puts it.

Emotionalhell posted 10/2/2020 07:56 AM

It was so difficult for me to tell OBS bc of the emotional pain that follows knowing. He thanked me for telling him. He said he had suspected it for some time. He wish I had told him sooner though. I told him a lot of what I knew but not everything. We talked off and on for sometime afterwards. It was so difficult seeing him else through the pain. But if tables were turned I would want to be told.

ETA; OBS recently passed away. So sad. What if I had never told him.? (I know not everyone on here is a Christian...). OBS came to know god after finding out about the cheating. The only peace I have about his death.

[This message edited by Emotionalhell at 8:14 AM, October 2nd (Friday)]

Onlyjan posted 10/3/2020 23:15 PM

IT was absolutely the right thing to do. She had a right to know the truth in her relationship. His lies denied her agency. She now has the ability to make much-needed choices. And to protect herself from him. He may be exposing her to STDs etc. Don't question your decision in any way. Had it been the other way around for me (I told Ap's husband) I would hope to God he would have told me.

Notaboringwife posted 10/4/2020 10:20 AM

Yes, you did the right thing. I wish my adult son would have told me, he knew about his father's affair and kept it to himself for 6 months, until I found out.

No wonder there is tons of anger in him for his father.

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