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J707 (original poster member #63778) posted at 4:52 AM on Thursday, November 7th, 2019
I really have no desire to date. I like just working and doing my own things outside of work. Just not dealing with drama and relaxing. Kick back after work and do whatever the hell I wanna do. Maybe because my ex was a drama whore queen, I've settled into a nice beautiful drama free(ish) everyday life. I do miss sex and intimacy but I'm not a ONS type of person. It's been 4 months since the D, 19 months post final Dday. I know we all are different and heal differently from many aspects of what happened in our lives. I am not chasing anything, I believe people we meet come into your life for a reason. I am comfortable with myself being alone for now. I take this as a good sign of my healing. I'm not sure where I'm going in this, I went through the shit storm, now it's the calm. Maybe I'll ride it out patiently and just see. Just my rambling thoughts..
JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 4:54 AM on Thursday, November 7th, 2019
I think it sounds very normal and healthy! Enjoy the lack of drama. It's heavenly.
devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 12:35 PM on Thursday, November 7th, 2019
You're doing exactly the same thing that I've done before. Perfectly normal.
Me: 2xBS b 1962 xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.
devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 12:35 PM on Thursday, November 7th, 2019
Duplicate post. Sigh.
[This message edited by devotedman at 6:36 AM, November 7th, 2019 (Thursday)]
Me: 2xBS b 1962 xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.
WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 6:55 PM on Thursday, November 7th, 2019
Yep.
Taking a break from having to be "nice" to a new date, is a win in my book.
Me: BH (50); exW (49): Way too many guys to count. Three kids (D, D, S, all >20)Together 25 years, married 18; Divorced (July 2015)
I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch
Twinsmom ( member #60303) posted at 12:28 AM on Monday, November 11th, 2019
It sounds completely normal and it is exactly the way I want to be. I just need to get there!
Congrats!!
Me: BS, 49 Him: WS, 52
3 Children
Married 26 yrs; DDay 7/4/17
LTA, Divorced 5/8/19
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 4:41 AM on Wednesday, November 13th, 2019
I hope so because I have no desire either. I feel exhausted. I’m actually going to give myself a few years before I think about it.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 5:32 PM on Wednesday, November 13th, 2019
Sounds normal to me. When and if you are ready, you’ll know.
Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.
GraceLove ( member #59212) posted at 4:40 AM on Thursday, November 21st, 2019
I'd like to think it's normal.
I'm 1 year from D and 2.5 from Dday. I recently decided to stop dating for now. I just can't do it for the time being.
It was actually starting to stress me out and really interfere with my life.
I think the initial kind of 'getting it out of my system' was a stage that I went through and now I feel more content to just let something happen on its own. Or not. Either way, there are a lot of bonuses to being single.
Lots of freedom.
You know, I was just facetiming a friend who was 3 years from D and she is now in a relationship. After the initial lustre wears off, it just becomes one more issue in life. I didn't envy her situation at all this evening, even though she is in a loving relationship. There are the drudgery things especially the horrible thing that can happen called: Losing Myself in a relationship. Yuck. No thanks.
For me, I was in love with the fantasy of finding someone and the reality is, it is alot of things but sometimes it's boring and hard work.
That's my two cents.
AbandonedGuy ( member #66456) posted at 3:04 AM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
Same here, brother. For me it's been a year and almost 3 months. Zero desire to date. I worry every now and then that romantic coupling is like a muscle I'm allowing to atrophe, but I just can't bring myself to care. I miss 4 things: sex, physical contact of ANY kind (I'm so starved of this), having someone to go places with, and inside jokes. What don't I miss?
Lies. More lies. Someone else's insecurities thrown in my face. Judgmental comments. Being manipulated so someone else can get what they want. Arguments which go nowhere. White lies. Someone constantly talking shit about other people. A bad influence on my mood and my diet. Buying gifts for someone who won't even appreciate them because nothing is good enough. Cohabitating. Having to ask for permission to create or change plans. Someone who doesn't communicate and suppresses and stews. Someone who has no interests or hobbies. Someone who doesn't enrich me either intellectually or emotionally. Someone who takes me for granted.
Not saying they're all like that, but as people, we've all got a handful of the above traits to keep at bay within ourselves, me included, and the thought of dealing with any of them turns me off.
EmancipatedFella, formerly AbandonedGuy
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 2:56 AM on Sunday, November 24th, 2019
I think any response to the horrible trauma we have been through is "normal".
As for Shehawk. I took other spouse's advice, filed for divorce. Decided to trust a friend I met organically.
He treats me better than I ever dreamed possible. Not thinking any farther than today. This minute. Living my best life ever.
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 3:07 AM on Sunday, November 24th, 2019
PS
Not only is he intelligent but being around him makes me a better person in so many ways. We are friends but he has integrity and owns his own stuff. He blows me away. What I am saying is he shows me on a daily basis how I need to be treated.
I worked so hard on myself to survive infidelity and to deep down realize I Deserve This.
And so do all of us. We Deserve all the positive things you listed.
[This message edited by Shehawk at 9:09 PM, November 23rd (Saturday)]
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
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