SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Divorce/Separation

Justsomeguy posted 8/26/2019 23:21 PM

So here I am, finally allowing myself to get excited about finding a place to live after the almost 3 fucking years of he'll with my STBXWW and guess what happens? She is looming at renting in the same complex as I am. She says it's because it's dog friendly, but what kind of human being would do that even after she knew I secured a place there? There is literally no fucking justice in this world. I took a risk and decided to get hopeful for one bloody minute and look where it got me? Is there anything these fucking cheater's won't take away from you? I just wanted a safe place to heal..

ashesofkali posted 8/26/2019 23:25 PM

Ah nuts! Really, Justsomeguy? She had to do that to you too, huh? Well, shit. Is there some way you can make it REALLY unappealing for her to move in there? Make the place look terrible to her somehow, so she won't want to live there? Best of luck to you, sir. Hope you find a place to heal.

ramius posted 8/27/2019 01:45 AM

Let her. She may feel differently after seeing younger and prettier women going in and out of your place.

DashboardMadonna posted 8/27/2019 02:00 AM

What kind of human being- a narc trying to control you while already displaying hoovering tactics. Honey, shes losing her main supply, "YOU".

Her plan is to assure that you're miserable, while making her presence known, as you move foward...to interven with your prospective relationships, while advertising and gloating about other men...creating the facade of happiness, in exchange for your sanity.

It's essentially stalking. Narcs never just "move on"...

A "normal" person does not do these things.

Apologies, I am not familiar with your entire story. Do you have under-age children? If not, get a restraining order...may sound extreme, but her intentions arent about the dog.

Tip: make her assume you have a lease there, and find somewhere else. I use to work in leasing (socal) and most times you can back out of contract (depends on the state), before moving. Just be honest and call your leasing office...trust me, they have heard everything.

[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 2:12 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

Bleu posted 8/27/2019 02:11 AM

THAT SUCKS!!!!!!!

Man. I believe (one of) the partners of It has moved closer. I agree that part of the healing is in the distance.

I hope you find somewhere better, bigger and less pricey.

Chrysalis123 posted 8/27/2019 06:02 AM

Is there anyway to outfox her? Can you go speak with he management and explain. They may take compassion on you and allow a creative solution.

WhoTheBleep posted 8/27/2019 07:48 AM

Let her. She may feel differently after seeing younger and prettier women going in and out of your place.

That goes both ways. JSG doesn't need to see Johnny freshdick coming and going from WW's apartment. He needs to detach...by not seeing that garbage.

(((JSG)))

WornDown posted 8/27/2019 07:49 AM

Is there anyway to outfox her? Can you go speak with he management and explain. They may take compassion on you and allow a creative solution.

Maybe let slip that you've heard she's doing black tar heroin, and that she's been hanging out with a bad crowd since you've separated from her.

Just sayin'...

totallydumb posted 8/27/2019 08:00 AM

Oh man, can I relate to this shit!

I live in my RV full time (rented out the house) and plan to do the snowbird lifestyle.

My XSO does the same. Anyway, she is from another province, doesn't have any family in this area, and decides to get a seasonal RV lot in the same small park that I live in which is close to my children and grandchildren.

It has not worked out too good for her. She tried to spin a story of me being a bad partner, told lies to mutual friends. Fortunately, her stories became so unbelievable that she lost all creditability with most people.

As a result, XSO hasn't spent much time here this summer (about 2 weeks out of 5 months). When she is in the park, not many interact with her and her new latest victim/BF.

Yes, these narcs are something else.....

MamaDragon posted 8/27/2019 08:13 AM

Call the leasing office, explain the issues and see if you can get out of your lease. If not, explain what type of person is trying to move in and if there is anyway they can refuse her a lease or at least put her on the opposite side of the complex.

There are ways to break the lease, you just lose your deposit and have to pay for a few months rent.

OR you can try to sublet to someone until you can break the lease.

Is there any reason she has to know where you are living? I don't know your situation.

Justsomeguy posted 8/27/2019 09:11 AM

I have decided to continue with my rental. The apartment is almost pergect for my situation. She has taken so much from me that I will not give her anymore of my life. Hell, even my kids called her selfish and uncaring. I must admit though, as this D proceeds, I see more and more that there is something deeply wrong with her on a cognitive/developmental level. The kids are starting to wake up to this as well. Some of the comments they make to each other are very telling.

josiep posted 8/27/2019 09:24 AM

Good that you're staying and going to rise above this.

BUT, I agree with the ones who suggested calling the management office and explaining the situation to see if they can deny her. Although I'd do it anonymously at first in case they're adamantly against turning someone down like that. No point in raising a red flag on yourself.

puffstuff posted 8/27/2019 09:32 AM

yeah, that's fucked up

puffstuff posted 8/27/2019 09:34 AM

Read How To Spot a Narcissist by Dr Calvin (and listen to his videos on youtube)

Justsomeguy posted 8/27/2019 19:37 PM

I am not going to do anything unethical. I am a dinosaur who believes in living an honourable life. She, on the other hand, not so much. In fact, She has been trying to destroy her APs reputation through gossip. It may bite her on the ass, but she was never very smart. I tried tobte her that everything she does adds to the narrative that is her life, but she doesn't get it...

dblackstar2002 posted 8/28/2019 13:03 PM

She is not with the AP? How man AP'S did she have? If she is not with him, You may be her plan B and if so she is going to move heaven and earth to get back with you. Something to think about, Good luck...

Justsomeguy posted 8/28/2019 23:39 PM

No, she isn't with her AP. She actually assaulted him twice for "seducimg" her and ruining her life... Currently, she is hanging out with this really nice guy that want a to date her but she isn't interested. Even my kids say get he reminds them of me. She is justvstrining him along so shrvcsn be served and fawned over. Same old same old... As for me being a plan B.... haha. She knows I can't stand the site of her. Maybe the narc on her cannot accept that. She reminds me of an old purse that someone left on the dash of a car all summer...

Tigersrule77 posted 8/29/2019 08:48 AM

One thing i was curious about was if you had mentioned where you might be renting to her. Did you volunteer that information, or did she just happen to consider that? Maybe she heard about it from your kids?

Just an example of how you have to be on your guard still and keep information to yourself.

dblackstar2002 posted 8/29/2019 08:55 AM

Two things stand out to me, First she blames her affair partner for destroying her life, Then she tries to move where you are moving. This does not sound like someone who is stable or done with you. She sounds like a possessive person with serious unaddressed issues. I would be careful going forward my man...

Pass posted 8/29/2019 10:26 AM

Is there anyway to outfox her? Can you go speak with he management and explain. They may take compassion on you and allow a creative solution.

If you were to go to the management and (calmly) tell them that you had a truly ugly separation and are having a contentious divorce, they might decide it's better to keep the peace by not letting her in.

That's not dishonest, and it would maintain the quality of your life. Your recovery is what's important.