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Just caught my WH out... again...

Dragonfly123 posted 6/29/2019 22:41 PM

Weíre separated, living apart, he ended the affair back in February. He was claiming to be working on himself for us. Heís suffering terrible depression, needing medication. Itís been hard work the past few months. Dealing with it all.

Somethingís been wrong since the end of May, just felt off.

Was on my WhatsApp late tonight and saw he was online. This was his way of communicating with his AP, so very triggering for me. I screenshot his online status and time.

I sent a message saying not to bother coming round tomorrow. He got back with Ďwhat?!?í And then claimed Iíd woken him up. I pointed out the screen shot time that showed quite clearly that heíd been online twenty minutes before. He just said ok. And then sent a message asking what it proves.

Still proves heís up to some shady stuff. I donít know what but I know Iím not messaging someone at eleven at night and I didnít have a fíing affair, itís red flag stuff I get that.

Iím just so bored. My family is so beautiful, my kids so fantastic. I know what I have to do. I guess I just want some reassuring words that itíll be ok.

He was such a wonderful man. Such a brilliant daddy.

Where do they go? Where did he go?

Iíve not slept, my poor babies, how can anyone put themselves, their validation, their selfishness over the happiness of their children?

[This message edited by Dragonfly123 at 11:33 PM, June 29th (Saturday)]

homewrecked2011 posted 6/29/2019 22:56 PM

I will never understand their logic, either.

Bestthing posted 6/29/2019 23:27 PM

I am so sorry. There is no logic. They are just broken people chasing the next fix. They lack the courage to face themselves and live in reality. You deserve so much more, Dragonfly.

ibonnie posted 6/30/2019 00:20 AM

You do know what you have to do, and while it might not feel like it right now, you will be okay. You got this, girl.

Justsomeguy posted 6/30/2019 00:39 AM

I was just laying in bed thinking that exact thought. I cannot believe my STBXWW blew up her whole world for what? It's all gone for everyone and even she admits it wasn't worth it. Everyone suffers for nothing. Just shitty people I guess.

demolishedinside posted 6/30/2019 00:50 AM

Hugs, Dragonfly. I ask this every single day. My kids are so sweet and funny (most days ). I just am over all of the worrying and wondering and trying to understand how any of it is worth hurting the kids. We will be ok. Come sit with me in the D forum. Iíll save a spot on my bench and offer some wine.

Smashedhrt posted 6/30/2019 00:57 AM

Itís impossible to see.
My stbx lost two amazing teenagers and a wife who indulged him and did everything.

For sex? His AP is long gone. Heís moving in with his mom as I have the house.

I canít even begin to understand. I know I would never have done this.

BearlyBreathing posted 6/30/2019 01:27 AM

They are broken and chasing an easy solution. I am so sorry.

crazyblindsided posted 6/30/2019 11:50 AM

They are monsters to knowingly keep inflicting the same kind of pain over and over again. That's the way I see them anyways. I'm also detached.

fareast posted 6/30/2019 17:43 PM

Hugs (((Dragonfly123))):

Donít even try and understand it. I am so very sorry. He has become broken and very weak. There is no reasoning behind it. Strength to you.

steadychevy posted 6/30/2019 17:55 PM

They were never going to be found out so everything would be just fine. For them.

burninghouse posted 6/30/2019 18:12 PM

I'm so sorry ((Dragonfly)). I don't get it either. It's completely baffling. Why don't they understand what is at stake??

You have a beautiful family and fantastic kids. Getting out of infidelity has got to be much better than dishonesty, disruption, and sleepless nights. You deserve happiness and peace.

Dragonfly123 posted 7/1/2019 00:36 AM

Thanks all, means a lot. Seems like such a little thing compared to the huge problems people have on here, I feel bad about posting in general. I guess I donít feel comfortable in reconciliation (Iím far from that) and feel a total fraud in S&D because even though Iím separated and my ducks are already in a row, I just havenít been able to make that leap into the unknown.

Iím pretty pragmatic most of the time (infidelity has changed me), I donít believe in romantic love anymore and Iím not dependent on my WH at all. I go on holiday without him, run our home without him, provide everything I need to for my family without him. But letting go of my idea of our family unit is so hard for me.

Limbo sucks.

Heís adamant he wasnít on WhatsApp. Adamant heís done nothing wrong. Says that he has no idea why the online status came up. I googled it. It has happened to people. Chances of it happening to him though... a cheater... a liar? Slim Iíd say.

Heís very poorly. Heís not the reconciliation poster boy, far from it. But my babes miss their daddy so much. And I canít shake the feeling, that the illness is keeping the man I knew from us and I need to give him a chance to find himself but how long do I do that?! In sickness and in health...

Argh I donít know. I donít get time to think. Too busy holding everything together.

[This message edited by Dragonfly123 at 12:40 AM, July 1st (Monday)]

The1stWife posted 7/1/2019 02:17 AM

The sad part is he created this mess. Maybe he was not online and he is telling the truth. But his actions in the past do t help this situation.

So sorry for you. Hang in there.

Chaos posted 7/1/2019 08:19 AM

I'm so sorry.

I sent a message saying not to bother coming round tomorrow. He got back with Ďwhat?!?í And then claimed Iíd woken him up. I pointed out the screen shot time that showed quite clearly that heíd been online twenty minutes before. He just said ok. And then sent a message asking what it proves.

This part concerns me. He denied. You showed evidence. He said OK [because you can't refute that screenshot]. Then asked what it proved.

To me - this reads as he's only going to admit to just what you can prove and nothing else. He knows you know he was on. So he had to "ok" that. He knows you don't know what he was doing so he will admit to nothing further.

That's a red flag.

I'm so sorry Dragonfly123. For you and your babies.

sisoon posted 7/1/2019 11:43 AM

You are not a fraud.

SI is here for you to use any way you want (within guidelines, of course). People respond of their own free will. If you post in the D/S forum, I expect people are likely to help, especially because you're uncertain.

I recommend taking a chance ... describe your dilemma, and ask for feedback from those who BTDT.

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