Could it be? No. It is normal. Unarguably, it's a normal part of human relationships. That doesn't make it good, right or acceptable, but it's most certainly normal. Look around you right now. See how many brown eyes are looking back at you. Brown is pretty "normal" in the US right? Well, depends on who's stats you go by, every one of those brown eyes looking back at you has been either cheated on or was a cheater (or both). Are brown eyes "abnormal"? No, not even a little bit, in fact, they are common. As is cheating. I suspect that it's rare today to NOT be cheated on throughout your lifetime. My WW was cheated on several times. I probably was, but I didn't really care, so I never bothered to figure it out one way or the other (except, of course, by my WW). Even if you get to the most intimate of relationships, marriage, it's still common to be cheated on. If there are 3 married couples in the room, good chance that 1 and perhaps 2 of them has been cheated on or was the cheater.
It's more "normal", by far, than just about any other seriously negative action people take in their lives (actions that hurt other people).
I feel like a slacker because I am not chasing women looking for some strange on the side. Maybe there is no God, maybe there are no sins, maybe we are just passing thru and we should go for it
I feel the same way (a slacker). Like, I could do what the OM did if I just put my butt in gear. I know that's a terrible thing to say, but I just wanted to say, no matter how wrong I find cheating (and I do find it very wrong), I still can't shake the feeling that "your just too lazy to do it". I have difficulty attributing "you don't do it because your a good person" because, well, I'm not a good person at all. I have massive flaws, including a total disregard for what most people think is right/wrong.
To the 2nd part, I'm an atheist. Yes, we are just passing through. No, none of it matters in the end. However, that in no way gives me carte blanche to hurt other people. Just because I don't believe there's a god doesn't mean that I should go wild and hurt people. And that, more than anything, is what keeps me from doing it (even more than my laziness!). Affairs make the world a less happy place and I'd hurt people badly without anywhere near enough personal pleasure to make up for the hurt caused others. And I really, really like to have sex; especially NSA sex, but, even with that motivation, there's still not enough joy in it to justify the pain I'd cause to others. And that pain DOES matter. Passing thru or not, we don't have to make the world a crappier place than it needs to be. And cheating, IMHO, just craps the place up for other people. All the pain that my WW's affair caused to so many people, me, OBS, her, maybe even her AP (serial though, so I'm not sure about one), his family, my family.. So much pain for what? A few orgasms and a whole lot of "love you snugglpuff" empty words.. That's just a terrible trade, no matter how you look at it.
It helps me to work on my marriage because I don't have as much hope starting all over.
I look at it this way too. Sure, I could D, and marry someone who hasn't cheated on me.. But is that "hasn't cheated on me YET" or "won't cheat on me". There's no way to tell. And some of it is just a total confluence of events, my WW wouldn't have cheated if the stars hadn't aligned to put her in that situation. Would she have cheated later in the M? Maybe, maybe not. It's certainly not a random toss of the dice, there are certain people who are MUCH more likely to cheat than others (professions, income, etc). But even selecting from the "low likelyhood" group I was still cheated on. So, you just never know. Chances are pretty good I could go through a D, find someone new, get into a relationship and just get cheated on again. So it's hard to see how that's worth it to me.
[This message edited by Rideitout at 9:38 AM, June 18th (Tuesday)]