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Attention-Starved Spouses

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hikingout posted 6/25/2019 12:42 PM

If we are generalizing based on what we have seen and read (and we seem to be), I do not agree. Women seem to have a lot of mental and emotional sexual needs, while men seem to be able to function on a purely physical response level. To me and my reading, research, irl conversations, this is a biological difference.
Women can enjoy sex as much as men but often do not
.

Your rebuttals are more about drive and frequency and circumstances though. I am talking about if I am having sex with my husband then I am often enjoying it as much as he is - sure there are times where he might enjoy it more or I might enjoy it more but in a vacumn if you asked me if I enjoy sex as much as my husband does I would say yes. If we haven't had an opportunity to have it in a few days I am as eager as he is to have it. There are times that I finish multiple times when he is only able to finish once. I would say because of that a woman's body is actually able to enjoy sex more than a man in some scenarios.

We may not be motivated as much by sex as some men are, we may need different things than a man does...but for pure enjoyment factors we are capable of enjoying it just as much if not more and many of us do.

cocoplus5nuts posted 6/25/2019 14:17 PM

RIO, do you not ever socialize with your wife? Never do anything in mixed company and get involved in a mixed conversation? This is all so bizarre to me. You don't need to take up whatever you consider to be female hobbies to meet and talk to women.

I don't seek out male hobbies. Don't even know what those would be. I'm an introvert, too, so I don't have lots of friends. I don't go to lots of parties. We don't go to clubs. I still meet men. There are a good number of (straight) men at my yoga studio. There are a good number of women at my fch's crossfit gym. We all talk to each other.

Kids' sports and school activities. You do have kids, right? I think I saw you mention that. Community events.

Yes, my husband is pretty good looking. He is in n good shape, has a very attractive face, and amazing eyes. However, he's quite short. So, while a lot of women think he's good looking, I don't think they find him attractive. He's not super confident or good with the ladies. I remember the first time he talked to me. He was so nervous he couldn't stop blinking. I actually went home and laughed as I told my mom about him. He has pretty high physical standards about who he is attracted to. Oh, and he hasn't dated (unless you count his cheating) in over 20 years.

OIN, you are equating drive and importance with enjoyment. I very much enjoy sex. That doesn't mean I want to do it all the time. It was one of the top 3 reasons I married my fch, if that gives you an idea of importance to me. I am the one throughout our marriage who has gotten upset about the lack of sex. I am almost always the one to initiate. However, if you ask my fch, he says he wants sex all the time.

Not to start another gender war, but...I think, a lot of times, when a woman doesn't enjoy sex, it's because her partner isn't good at it.

cocoplus5nuts posted 6/25/2019 14:20 PM

Thought of one other thing. It's quote disturbing, but it's true. Girls are circumcised (have their clitorises cut off) specifically so that they won't enjoy sex. People in the cultures who do that believe it keeps women from straying outside their marriages.

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