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Grossed out by cheating wifeís body now

Chief11 posted 5/28/2019 18:12 PM

Anyone else see their cheating spouse naked now and think gross?? I used to think everything her body was beautiful but now knowing she gave it to someone else makes it seem used up and gross. Not a turn on at all anymore.

Wool94 posted 5/28/2019 19:17 PM

Sometimes

Fenderguy posted 5/28/2019 19:25 PM

For a long time after Dday, I just didn't look at my wife sexually at all. There was a bit of the feeling that her body was no longer for me, it was for him. I can't say that I ever found her disgusting and gross to look at, I've always thought she was a beautiful woman. But I can say that in the aftermath of dday, before we resumed our physical relationship, she would make it a point to try to parade around in front of me naked, or sometimes even throw her naked body on top of me... and I felt nothing. Not disgust, just sort of "well, this doesn't feel right, I need to get out of this situation fast."

I'd like to tell you that the attraction will eventually return for you, like it did for me. But that may not be the case for you... and that's a normal reaction to what you are going for. Just take it day by day, Chief. If this turns out to be a dealbreaker for you, that is a valid choice for you to make. Best of luck.

Emotionalhell posted 5/29/2019 06:08 AM

Yes, I can relate. MH is overweight and I still found him attractive. I no longer have that attraction to him or allow myself to be vulnerable with him.

PricklePatch posted 5/29/2019 06:14 AM

Yes, in the immediate aftermath I didnít find him attractive at all.

Chaos posted 5/29/2019 06:49 AM

I have always found WH attractive from the day we met. 25+ years later I still do.

It breaks my heart that someone else loved his attractiveness as much as I do.

Attractiveness is not a license to cheat.

DIFM posted 5/29/2019 07:49 AM

I did for quite some time. My aversion to my fWW seemed to wain in proportion to her measure of owning it and showing authentic remorse and contrition. As the later became more prominent, my tendency to see her faults (physical and other) were lessened.

I get it. An unremorseful cheater is as unattractive, and sometimes repulsive, as there is. It can change. It may not, but it can.

pureheartkit posted 5/29/2019 07:54 AM

My WS is a woman magnet and men hit on him too. After d day I was thinking he had cooties. He'd come for hugs and I'd just cry. I wanted to HB but there was no trust so I kept my space. Rightly so, the EA was still going strong. Don't force yourself. You feel what you feel.

deephurt posted 5/29/2019 07:56 AM

yes. I used to have a very hard time looking at my wh naked. He could even see the change in my face when I looked at him. All I saw was him naked with ap. It shut down any desire I had for him sexually for a long time.

Now? Itís not the same. I have mine movies still which still shuts me down for a little bit but I do find him attractive. I have to shut the mind movie down before it kills my mood though.

I still look at him after five years and feel anger towards him. The love that I have for him has changed also. It is definitely a love that has a lot of conditions that I never even considered before.

numb&dumb posted 5/29/2019 08:33 AM

I think knowing our spouses have cheated on makes them feel like a stranger and/or someone that we know can hurt us. Nothing attractive about that.

I was turned off by my W for some time. The A has an odd way of letting us see our WS as they actually are versus who we idealize them to be. It is uncomfortable place to see someone warts and all for the very first time.

I do think this can fade, but it does help when our WS do things to make themselves attractive to us again. Working on their faults, changing their appearance and becoming someone we respect and value in our lives all helps.

If you aren't attracted anymore. Don't force it. Be genuine and sympathetically honest with your W. She likely senses something is up anyway. It isn't going to make anything better, but at least she knows where you stand. Communication, even when it hurts, is important. Even if you decide to end the M you will feel better about yourself that you were always honest.

99lawdog99 posted 5/29/2019 08:43 AM

Before my W's A, she was the hottest person I knew. She would get hit on all the time. even after 25 years, just looking at her got me going, but now, I seem to not care. She put on weight and I guess what bothers me is she dressed to the hill for him and refused to even eat losing weight because she was doing him. he got the best . Now, if her hair isn't tied back in a bun and she is not in a jogging outfit, I would be surprised. It's almost as if she now is going out of her way not to have guys notice her.

[This message edited by 99lawdog99 at 8:43 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]

Brennan87 posted 5/29/2019 09:02 AM

IMO,

This is part of the healing process. I don't think we necessarily are disgusted/grossed out by their physical body as much as it is their actions. Thus it manifests itself when we look at them as a reminder of what they did.

For instance, in my situation:
*Early on, when WW would touch me, my body would involuntarily shudder. This has since been long gone.
*When I look at her sometimes, thoughts of "he touched her there or she did x with" occur.

I think because of their actions we see them for who they truly are now. That pedestal we put them on (think airbrush) has been dismantled. I can recall with startingly clarity when I noticed her physical imperfections the first time. A patch of grey hair, a scar, a wrinkle. I see her warts and all now. She's still a beautiful woman physically, I just see her realistically now.

Hope this helps

BraveSirRobin posted 5/29/2019 09:22 AM

It's almost as if she now is going out of her way not to have guys notice her.
This would not surprise me at all, actually.

sisoon posted 5/29/2019 10:26 AM

Yes, I cycled through that a couple of times in the first 2 years. I let myself feel what I felt - I've always thought that eventually my feelings would settle down and tell me what I want.

So maybe grossness will dissipate forever eventually, maybe it won't. Don't worry about it, though - just let it happen, whatever 'it' is.

crazyblindsided posted 5/29/2019 10:59 AM

My WS is attractive but after the multiple A's it's his inside and NPD that makes him ugly.

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