SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have been with my husband 9 years, 2 kids - 5&6. The most recent discovery was about two months ago, and it happened several months before, when I was out of town. I had to dig and find the truth myself, because he wouldn’t tell me.

This is the 3rd time that I have found him using
Tinder throughout our marriage - but I was never able to find proof that he met up with anyone. He even downloaded a ton of apps when I was pregnant with our second child.

I am just so mad at him. Whatever he wanted, I did it. He wanted me to be a SAHM after our first child was born, I obliged. He wanted me to help him with his business (for free), I said "okay". He wanted me to be on birth control asap after giving birth
(because he didn’t want to use a condom), I signed up for an appointment right away. And now, he even wants me to get my tubes tied, because he doesn’t want to get a vasectomy.

Looking back at everything, I can see that I was always the one sacrificing. He justifies his cheating, saying that I didn’t give him time. And yet, I was the one cooking and cleaning and raising the kids, while he travelled all across the world - alone.

How can they be so selfish and yet think that they are not in the wrong? It is unfathomable.

I can see that I was always the one sacrificing.

Yep. A dead giveaway. People who do nothing but take gain a sense of entitlement and do/justify whatever they want.

So why stay?

3 times? I'm also going to ask why you're staying? He has no incentive to change or reform his behavior if you keep forgiving him. That self-centered thinking is the same reason why he can't admit fault.

Please don't get your tubes tied for him. And consider getting a job now that your kids are old enough for school. Even a part time job will make you feel less dependent on him, which will enable you to hold to your boundaries more strongly.

And finally, why do you need proof that he met up with someone? A married person has no business being on Tinder. "Just looking/curious" is not an excuse! If you're in a committed, monogamous relationship, there's nothing to look for/be curious about.

I am very sorry you are experiencing this. Many people will be along to offer support.

Years later I can see things more clearly. I can see where I gave and exwh consumed. I think that is the nature of selfish ones. It takes a lot for persons of a selfish persuasion to do the work needed to become safe partners. This is why I encourage JFOs to take exquisite care of themselves physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially.

Many of us have been where you are. And I empathize with what you are going through.