SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I was wondering if anyone else has this trouble? I am nearly three years in and hate being in my own thoughts. I have had individual counselling and couples counselling. I have flagged up already that I’m not doing well at the moment. I don’t know all the stages but it’s almost as if the adrenaline has finally left me and I’m not in a good place. I find myself staying up late, I scroll through my phone or play Tetris until I can’t keep my eyes open. It’s the only way I can cope with falling asleep, I just don’t want to have any thoughts any more. I’m keeping the kids going well, school work, their social life etc. I maintain a facade in front of friends/strangers that I’m fine, to the point where I almost try to be the life and soul in a social situation and feel totally burnt out after. I don’t really want to be around anyone but feel weirdly lonely. Does anyone else struggle with sleep or their own overthinking? I genuinely fear having to try to sleep normally rather than crashing out at 2am.
I know someone kindly suggested a trauma therapist. I’m weirdly resistant to the thought of any more therapy. I feel talked out and also feel frightened that anyone who maybe accidentally handles the situation insensitively, might tip me over the edge. I was on 60mg of citalopram but I was recommended to come off that to help with my ME. I was also told to come off HRT for the same reasons. I don’t really know where else to turn. I don’t want to take sleeping tablets as my husband works away so I can’t afford to be groggy solo parenting. I don’t feel that being doped up is the answer.
Why am I struggling more 3 years in than how I was doing 2 years ago?
Anyone relate?

Ugh. So I’m only one year out so I can’t fully relate but I can relate on the not being able to fall asleep followed by the extremely horrible nightmares that haven’t stopped since discovery if the A.
Unisom is my best friend. It doesn’t make me groggy and it’s one of the few things I was allowed to take pregnant. It helps me a lot , well it helps me fall asleep not stay asleep.

I will say people here have also pushed me to see a trauma therapist and like you I was afraid. I stopped seeing her a few months back and I start again at the end of this month. I decided to lean into it if that makes sense.

Most nights like you I stress sleeping and also feel hostage to my own thoughts. I feel you starsareshining.

Thank you so much for your response. I’ve never heard of Unisom, I will look into it.
Please don’t be put off that I am like this 3 years on, I hope it doesn’t make you feel overwhelmed. I feel like a lot of people are doing better than me at this stage.
I know how stubborn I seem about more counselling, I’m just in such a bad way that even coming on here and writing a post is so hard. I’m having extremely low thoughts so I feel very fragile. I also have spent a lot of money on counselling/therapy so far. It’s not a bottomless pit. At some stage I need to work through this myself. My concern is, (I hate admitting this) as someone who is predisposed to depression prior to finding out what my husband did, how do I not fully spiral down. Surely the shock of d day must mess up everyone’s seratonin levels, let alone someone who already doesn’t have the right amount?
I feel like sleeping pills will just put a temporary bandage on everything for me. I know I probably need to force myself to put my phone away at a normal time of the evening and just get used to the invasive thoughts. I just don’t feel strong enough. I feel like I’ll have a full break down.

Oh not at all. We all have our low points and I also had depression a lot of my life that has went undiagnosed , you are very brave for posting on here like you are at three years out, it’s admirable.

When it comes to the unisom I prefer the gels to the tabs. I get it. I was addicted to NyQuil for a long time and it took me getting pregnant to switch to unisom and it doesn’t leave me feeling groggy like nyqyil did, that crap left me feeling like I had a hangover.

I don’t look at it like a bandaid , I look at it as an aid , a lot of people that haven’t experienced infidelity use sleep aids, hell I used it when I was happy, some of us just can’t shut our thoughts off and we are just natural over thinkers.

[This message edited by Groot1988 at 1:06 AM, Monday, October 7th]

Sleep.How I miss you so much. I haven’t had a whole night of sleep in a year since my WW has left.At the most I might sleep 2 hours before I wake up and lay there a hour before falling asleep again, usually the same times every night with in minutes .Haven’t had a wake up alarm go off since all this happened, it’s like a curse on top of the nightmare I’ve been living since D day.

Thank you groot, and I’m so sorry to hear this intotheunknown. I hope things improve for you soon.

I'm 7 years from DDay1, 6 years from DDays 2/3 and 3 years from finding LTAP creating fake profiles trying to reach out to WH and us having to send her a Cease & Desist.

I fall asleep without any problem after reading for ~20 min. BUT almost nightly find myself awake at 2am with all the horrific thoughts and mind movies. I eventually may nod off at 5:25 just in time for my 5:30am alarm.

I am three years short of Chaos' seven years. However, my experience is the same. Fall asleep just to wake in the middle of the night, then falling back asleep towards morning.

Have you tried yoga, or box breathing, vagus nerve stimulation or tapping?

I find a combination of all these have helped me with 1. not being in this constant state of flight or fight and 2. sleeping.

I also did some neurofeedback which I found really helpful with he intrusive thoughts and depression.

When the harmful thoughts start looping, I say to myself "stop" seems too simple but it does work for me.

I'll continue to say stop, and think of something that makes me happy, or pet the dog, or go outside.

I personally don't like counselling and don't find it very helpful.

I also really like two programs by Jill Miller, Roll Model and Body by Breath, which have helped me a lot.

[This message edited by nomudnolotus at 2:31 AM, Friday, October 11th]

Hello friend. So sorry you are having this trouble. I do want to suggest you see a doctor and ask them to test your hormones. These levels can truly affect your mood. It may be something physically is off and you are mistakenly attributing it to the betrayal. Regardless, don't give up hope....the light will come. Read through and pray over the Psalms, they have helped many throughout the ages.

Me too. I'm three years into her "emotional affair," and every time she says something about how clever or witty or sociable her partner is, I'm up until 4:00 am. (I was a night owl before, but 4:00 is a little bit much.) The thing is, she gives me the big sigh and eye roll and tells me this is all my fault because he is just a friend. Note: not "WAS" but "IS." Maybe that explains my insomnia.

[This message edited by Com1c at 3:59 AM, Monday, December 9th]

I was a nyquil user for a bit, but the "hangover" ruined my next day. Not sure where you're living, but CBD gummies help a lot without the grogginess. Stay away from screens. Keep a good book handy.

I've been warned by my doc to stay away from the active ingredient in Unisom. It basically looks like benadryl, BTW, which is probably much cheaper. In any case, my doc says it's associated with increased risk of dementia.

I suspect you feel worse now than 2 years ago because you know more about how being betrayed impacts one's life.

You describe depression, IMO. Exercise can help. Drugs can help. Working on yourself can help. My reco is to consult with a good psychiatrist.

Also, working with an IC for help sleeping is a good idea if you can find a good IC. You can learn to control those thoughts. Well, I'm told people can learn to control those thoughts. I'm working on that myself, not because of my W's A, but because of the idiots on the board of my condo, who come out with horrors every few weeks.

I shouldn't be giving anyone sleep hygiene advice because I'm just like you. I scroll and play Phase10 until I can't keep my eyes open. And about half the time, I take a cannabis gummy to knock me out.

Are you a reader? I used to be. Maybe you and I should put down the phone and pick up a book. You'll still get the distraction, but without the stimulation of screens.