Hi Everyone,
I debated going to New Beginnings, but thought maybe I could encourage someone only part-way through this journey. It's been a LONG time since I have been here to post but have stopped in occasionally (sometimes VERY occasional) just to try to keep up with all of you.
I've noticed deaths and other losses (I'm sorry), the member counter fly upward, and very happily happened to check in just when MH posted his news (I'm so happy you found yourself in a good place). I apologize for missing congratulations, Happy Birthdays, condolences, (((HUGS))) for you all, but know I have thought of you all very often during the time between visits. I thought maybe it is time that I did a bit of an update for those who may remember me and a bit of an intro and maybe some encouragement to some who may need a little.
Background for those who may not know or remember: after decades of M, xpos announced one day that he had filed for D, had been sleeping with women and would leave to live with "ONE of" them. I gradually learned there were many and for around 3 decades of our M. I learned through great friends and therapists that he is a narcissist, controlling, has anger issues, and a whole bunch of other attributes I had been addicted to (co-dependent), just wanting to keep the M and our family (grown children and grands) together.
During the time since, I have been healthy, busy, and most of all - HAPPY! Maybe I should try a bit of "Reader's Digest" type of update? I don't want this to be a novel, but SO much has happened.
The title "Anniversary" is actually two that I celebrate and neither is today: The first is the day after DDAy when I began to realize that it actually meant that I would be free of the life I had been 'happy' to live with xpos. I've had dozens of happy anniversaries now. The second is the day the D was final! Happy times began. Except for the months that xpos sued me for money that he never got because this is a 50/50 state and he thought his was his. My health is better and I can breathe free.
Here are a few of the highlights of my life over the past several years. Hope this all makes sense:
* I was happy to see the names in the "Staff" are all or mostly all I recognize, so many I remember are still here and contributing. Sadly, the SI Member counter continues to tick ever upward, but nice that they found this safe place.
* I have been trying to fix up the M home I kept (on GREAT advice from a financial person). It's relatively new, but xpos made many bad choices here that I was stuck with. (Hey, it's only money - and some of xpos's! 
)
* There are now a "bunch" of great-grands, the best part of life after the grands!
* I have traveled to the places I longed to see, but xpos refused to go along, so I went, mostly alone.
* I have traveled to around a dozen foreign countries and taken cruises and road trips (alone), also attending some SI g2g's that I hope some here will remember meeting me, like Sissoon I still see here.
* My kids are scattered (one near me but the others a long distance, but I have recently visited and have a great relationship with all. I have been told by them that they love me, are very proud of me for the things I have done for and by myself, and how I have lived my life. Happy to say I have GREAT kids, in-law kids, grandkids and great-grands that I love very much and support me in life.
* xpos has admitted to them (now that the AP he M has died and he has moved on to/through, I have no idea how many) that he cannot be alone. He has forced each of them on unwelcoming children, who, of course, don't throw them out. One of them continues to call him on his behavior, just as since DDay. All are rather distant from him for the most part.
* There has been proof that xpos still thinks of me and likely isn't as happy as he claims to be. I won't go into it here, but things have happened that he is the only person on earth who would have perpetrated and one I witnessed.
* I have a number of supportive friends, belong to a few groups that I am now once again seeing IRL (two this week), and maybe more than the usual family (sibling) dramas 
. One friend who depends on me due to health issues that I am happy to help whenever needed, and have done some volunteering.
There are other things in life that can also (maybe only eventually?) occupy us or need our attention beyond the infidelity. Life goes on and I have found "Happy". Every once in a while there are reminders of a previous life and I occasionally feel I am missing out on things in life by being alone still, but then I think about how happy I am to not have to seek anyone else's opinion/approval, to fix when/what I want for dinner and for only myself unless I want to invite someone, I can stay up late and vacuum at 2 am (tho I never have), watch anything I want to see or just have silence in the house or go watch or play in nature, stop someplace just because I want to or impetuously buy a ticket to a play - or a cruise! Even enduring a controlling, co-dependent M of more than 40 years, then living through what brought me here, I do feel my life has been very lucky now that I look back with the adantage of great therapists, friends and SI. Lucky still for so many things that went into it.
If you got through this, thank you! Sorry so long. I'm happy to answer any questions or just see a "Hi" or comment from you. Life can be better than ever after all of this, and I am proof!
